Thursday, 12 May 2011
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How Ridiculous Am I?
Is it irrational for me to want my boyfriend of 4 years to tell me where he is at all times? I don't care if he has lunch with coworkers or has that same particular routine throughout the week, but is it irrational to expect him to tell me every time he does? He will go work and visit different clients, sometimes around lunch time. He'll call on his way and then 3 hours later say he's headed back to office. I've found out he stops with friends to eat.The fact that he does this doesn't bother me. What bothers me is I have to ask, "Ah, so did you get lunch?" etc but he won't willingly tell me if he did, so I don't understand what the big secret is. Some people say it's ridiculous to know every move, others think: Why can't he simply say, "Hey, just had lunch, headed back." Other times during the week, maybe once a month, he'll say he grabbed a sandwich at a fast food place when really, he went to a restaurant and had dinner.
I'm confused.
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- From: ilovepink
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Comments (86)
um yeah? pretty weird --- has he done something to make you THAT paranoid? like, is he meeting a single female during those times or something?
i really don't give a crap what my bf of 3 years does for lunch, so. yeah. i don't get it...
I understand. My boyfriend's that way even though he trusts me. He just wants to know. He likes hearing the stories and such--- puts him at ease. He wants to make sure I'm safe and blah blah blah. Just explain it to him in that way. It took a bunch of coercion from my hubby, but I get it, now. I'll tell him where I am and what I'm doing so he can feel better.
Your life sounds very uninteresting if you're wanting to know exactly where, when, and what he's had and done on his lunch breaks.
Find something better to do instead of sitting by your phone waiting for a man. Enrich your own life, then you won't give a shit.
absolutely ridiculous.
he is a very patient man. It would annoy me to pieces if someone acted like that with me. I also don't need an itemized itinerary of y husband's day. If he tried to tell me my eyes would glaze over. I agree with the first poster though, if you really need to know this stuff then you should talk to him about it.
yes, it's completely ridiculous that you want to be his babysitter. as for why he says one thing when he's doing another--that does seem a little odd to me.
@Athlyx@xanga - hahaha that was great. and totally true.
I would find this incredibly annoying. The last type of girl I want to be in a relationship with is one who acts like my mother.
You should talk to him about it. The only reason you have to worry is if he is hiding something from you. If you talk to him and find out that he's not, lay off. This is why it's important to have separate lives in a relationship. I don't talk to my boyfriend at all during the work day, then later that night I will ask him how his day was. If he wants to go into detail, he does. Most guys are pretty simple though.
Uhhh so basically you're trying to be his mommy and you want him to check in with you whenever he goes somewhere? He shouldn't keep any of his plans a secret but he also shouldn't have to tell you every time he goes somewhere, like "Hey baby just wanted to let you know I'm going to the store to pick up some eggs!" Completely ridiculous.
I would lie to you about where I had dinner and let you find out just to piss you off more.
But I'm a little contrary like that.
just let him be, otherwise you will push him away.
You have to trust someone and give them their space
but in the background, hire a private detective to make sure :)
He needs space to breathe. I know you don't think you are interrogating him, but little details (and yes, they are little) like when he got lunch and where really are not something you need to worry about. And when you want to know everything he does, he will feel untrusted, he will feel suffocated, and he will be pushing you away so that he can breathe. I would assume the reason he lied to you is to feel a little relief in knowing that you didn't have to know everything he did. Why do you need to know? Are you his boss? Are you expecting him back at work? Personally, I think that when someone goes to work they shouldn't have to worry about anything outside of work, unless it is an emergency. If you absolutely have to know where he is at all time, buy him an iphone...
@Athlyx@xanga - True
OP:
Talk to him if you think something fishy is going on. But other than that..I think you don't really need to worry or find out where he is all the times. I don't ask my bf this..
I feel like the only reason he's lying to you is because you want to know where he is every second and he's over it.
Cut him some slack.
Do you trust him?
If you do, why do you need to know what he's doing every minute?
If you don't, why are you with him?
In a word: yes. It is irrational for you to expect him to always keep you posted. I have been with my husband for 4 years as well. I ask him how his day was, he tells me the parts he thinks I will find interesting. If I am bored or am interested in knowing details he left out I ask just to make conversation. I don't really CARE though if you know what I mean. I'm not worried about it. So since you are, I am guessing it is one of two things, one, you are just a paranoid girlfriend with too much time on her hands and too great of a relationship so you are just searching for drama (I'm not judging, I've totally been there) or two, he is acting fishy and setting off your radar causing you to feel the need to know what he is REALLY up to. But he may not be doing this because he is actually up to anything, he may just be one of those guys who finds it exhausting to go into details. I can be like that. I am not saying it is okay for him to be lying, but he may not be doing it maliciously, but just because he is lazy. Rather than giving him the spanish inquisition, just lay off needing to know all the details, and have conversations about one anothers days not "checking up" on one another sessions. You'll get a lot more details organically through normal conversations than by acting like his mother.
@jebdereb14@xanga - Thank you! i believe that is true. I think if i hadn't caught him in so many lil lies i wouldnt wonder. But he'll lie about dumb stuff, stuff that I really wouldn't even care about and that is what makes me suspicious.
I appreciate all the responses and respect the different point of views. I don't believe I was ever like this until I caught him in the lil white lies and like I mentioned where he goes is no big deal, he is free to go anywhere, when he started lying about where he was (even though he was somewhere insignificant) it made me wonder why he was lying, what was the big deal and caused questions. it does drive me nuts, so I'm sure it does him too. lol
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - I trust him as far as cheating on me, but as far as believing what he says.... no. he's told so many lil white lies about dumb things that I never really know what he's doing or where he is anyway, regardless of what he says. Does make it hard! i really wish he'd never lied in the first place, but it's like its so common for him. I used to believe everything he said until i started catching things by accident at first, but it happened so often that now I feel I have to ask or check to ever know the truth.... urgh!!!
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - yeah, he's lied about it many times and no, he's not doing anything bad the times he lies, but the lies make me question why is he lying because he is free to do anything he wants, i'm not his mother. thank you for your comment, it's good to hear other viewpoints!
@Athlyx@xanga - Love it!!! great answer and true, although my life is waaaay more busier than his he wonders too.. where do u get the time to care! I think if i am busy doing my own things perhaps it will be he that wonders for a change: )
@jebdereb14@xanga - OMG awesome! love it! I think he could have wrote that himself.. : )
@jebdereb14@xanga - btw-- u are very wise for you age, and I suppose I'm acting urs.. lol!
@Jane - thank you!
i needed that