Wednesday, 11 May 2011
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Would You Ditch Your Significant Other Because He Doesn't Want Kids?
I was reading through the latest edition of Cosmo when I came across an article that took my interest. It says, "Rumor has it that Michael C Hall and Jennifer Carpenter split after he decided, on second thought, he doesn't want kids." I don't even know who these people are but this caught my eye. I think it struck me because I have a small case of baby fever. Ok, so maybe it isn't just a small case. My significant other is only beginning to get baby fever.I'm pretty much just waiting on him to decide when he's ready to have a baby. He told me he does want one before he turns thirty, and he is twenty five. He also told me he wants one before I turn twenty-five, and I am twenty-two. If he, on second thought, decided he didn't want kids, I probably wouldn't leave him. I would be deeply saddened though as my vision for the future would be crushed. I don't see this happening though because he always says things like, "When we have kids..." He also promises me that we will have them someday.
Would you ditch your significant other if they decided they didn't want kids on second thought?
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- From: Alliecat15@xanga
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Comments (114)
No. I wouldn't. I think I'd be sad and upset by it. But I don't think i'd dump them.
my bf doesn't want kids, i don'tt want any either so it's fine.
Yes, I would leave a woman if she decided she didn't want kids. In the end, I'd prefer to define my life and my success by what I've left behind, not simply by what I've done.
I'd rather have my child than a woman. I used to be a hopeless romantic, but over the years one comes to realize that there are, in fact, billions of fish in the sea. Someone will always pique your interest enough to make you fall in love, but someone won't always be willing and able to care for your child.
It wouldn't be a deal breaker.
I never wanted kids, but I'm beginning to see the appeal of them. To see the desire, the drive to create and love something of your likeness.
I would rather break up with the person than stop them from being able to experience such a thing.
For most people, it would be a dealbreaker. A family is a really, really big deal to some people, and sometimes it's an even bigger deal to one's parents and existing family. It's selfish to force someone to exist in a future they truly believe they'll be miserable with and it would be easier to split up and find your own separate futures that you can both enjoy and find fulfilling.
I'm not big on kids, but I love my younger cousins - the ones who aren't completely spoiled brats - and my nephew a lot. I decided when I was quite young, like a teenager, that I could give or take kids and would ultimately let my partner decide. I'm not 100% sure if this is something I'll outgrow or if I'll stay true to it though. My family would LOVE it if I had kids, I know that. My current boyfriend seriously does not ever want kids. It wasn't a dealbreaker when he told me - or the several times he emphasized it in casual conversation, and as far as I can see now, still isn't.
I think it depends if you want kids or not. I always have so for me it would have been a deal breaker.
I've been thinking about this recently, but vice versa! Not sure yet...
Probably not;at this point in my life, I'm not sold on the idea of having kids, either.
I'm sure that they will want to have children at some point... probably the thought of having them really soon scares the living crap out of people?
I wouldn't dump them though... a tad extreme in my opinion
I love kids :)
In the end it comes down to whether or not you can live with your partner's decision. If you really, REALLY wants kids and your partner is the exact opposite, it's only going to cause problems and you would be better off leaving them. You need to find someone who has similar interests, mindsets, goals, aspirations, etc. as yourself. It may sound selfish to say this, but you have to look out for yourself as well. It's not just about your partner. You're just as much a part of the relationship as your partner is.
michael c hall from dexter! duh! one of the best shows ever. check it out. and ohhhhhh that is why they split? i was wondering. he is dreamy so i am happy about it. not that i will get a chance but a girl can dream. i dunno... i want a kid one day so if a guy told me no to kids, i couldnt keep pursuing a relationship with them. i wouldnt see the point. id be wasting my good years on someone who doesnt want what i want.
I don't want kids. Like REALLY don't want kids. I absolutely hate them.
But I think my bf does... he has 2 young nieces and he's so good with them that it scares me.
We're only 20 right now so kids aren't something he'd consider for at least 5 more years anyway, but he keeps telling me "oh when you grow up some more you'll change your mind and want kids."
Welp. I don't wanna grow up, and I don't want kids.
So we'll just have to see what happens when that time comes...
@MochaMoose230@xanga - lol I had 2 cousins who said they never wanted children. They couldn't see bringing life into the world with a chance of resenting them... They said this at about 19... one is 30 and the other about 32 33ish. They now both are married and have little nuggets running around.
I think the biggest thing is just knowing what type and amount of responsibility you want to put on your self...
I personally don't see either choice being wrong at all. My mother on the other hand couldn't understand how "selfish" they could be. Which I didn't understand because I believe her reasons for having children were on the selfish side a bit. lol
I think it just depends on where you are in life and if it happens then it does. If it doesn't and you change your mind late in the game, it probably wasn't meant for you, plus you could always adopt or become a foster parent. (Awesome way to give back and I'm sure just as fulfilling!)
I'm 22 married with a 3 year old and 7m preggers.. lol I was never obsessed with the idea of getting married or having kids but I wasn't against it. I was always a baby sitter and enjoyed children and people in general for that matter. So when I met my hubby and we decided to get married and have kid's it surprised me just a little at how much I enjoy it.
If having kids was more important to me than my SO... yes.
It really takes a man to be with a woman who has kids. Women who are with these guys who does not want kids are just wasting their time with them. They will never really comit to the relationship and always want to ditch them to go out and never really wanting to be around them. So If I was a woman with children and my SO did not want kids, then see you later, I'm a package deal, take it or leave it. NEVER chose a guy over your children.
I think most people consider this to be a deal breaker. However, my boyfriend is more important to me than anything. I used to not want to have children, and I thought that being with someone who did was a deal breaker, but there's something about the idea of having babies with my bf that sort of changes my perspective.
Part two: LOL; if there is no children involved then agin the first statment stands, the woman want children the guy does not, still wasting the girls time.
@linguistic_nonsense@xanga - That's how I feel about it too.
OP:
In order to have a relationship to work, you also need similar goals..and if you don't..then it will cause problems later. It's good to be on the same page with your partner. So that is why they split? ;(
If they DONT want kids at all, and are not going to be persuadable... then get rid of them. That's a huge deal if you're talking long-term.
If that guy gets a PART TWO then so do I: If your S.O. is a friend with benefits, you should gladly latch onto his non-kidwanting-ness.
@MommyMarty22@xanga - Yeah, I feel like if I ever do want kids, that adoption would be my route, maybe that's cause I volunteer at an animal shelter, so adoption stories always make me happy. Or because pregnancy just doesn't sound like my cup o' tea.
@MochaMoose230@xanga -lol yeah pregnancy for some people sound amazing like it's this great thing... (it can be) lol but not for me right now... i feel like i'm gonna burst fluids in all directions. (tmi sorry haha)
I didn't want children when I was a teenager for many reasons.. selfish reasons like pains, putting on weight, stretch marks, thinking i'm unable to love someone more than myself and putting myself behind that person.. and observing reasons like my cousins who turned into monsters as they turned 4 or 5 and myself being kind of a rebellious teenager.. it seemed like too much to pay for 4-5 years of happiness.
Now I can't wait to start a family with my boyfriend because I'd love to have mini-versions of him around. I think as soon as you get older and find a guy that is daddy-material, you will start wondering what the children of you two could look like.