Wednesday, 11 May 2011
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I Thought We Were Friends!
My previous friendships with guys have often led towards drama. It's the same old story, really. I almost feel embarrassed to air it out, considering how common and immature the problem is. The last guy I was really close to ended our friendship because I rejected his romantic advances.At first, I accepted his decision because I felt pretty bad about stomping all over his heart. Also, I did not want to interfere with his recovery process so I did my best to stay out of his hair. I thought he would just mend the bruises and start connecting with me again but instead he cut me out of his life. I was pretty angry about the way he chose to handle the situation but at the time, I felt selfish demanding his friendship after what happened.
Now, we had been good friends since high school and all through college so the need to sever our ties was completely immature. It got me thinking about the quality of our relationship and perhaps I had overestimated the strength of our friendship. I never really got any closure and for that reason, I'm always left wondering.
On one hand, I damaged his ego beyond repair and he wants nothing to do with the woman who broke his heart. On the other hand, our friendship was shallow and had no real depth to it. I am more inclined to believe the latter and that he was only close to me because he had feelings for me.
It irritates me to this day that he did not take the effort to get to know me beyond the surface. Maybe if he had more appreciation for our friendship, rather than being romantically involved, we would have survived the rough patch.
Have you ever had a friend who treated you the same way?
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- From: sthanecdotes@xanga
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Comments (45)
If your relationship was as shallow as you suggested, then it shouldn't bother you this much that he ended it. It sounds like to me you miss it for other reasons... such as the attractive idea of having a lovesick guy follow you around at all times. It's an ego-stroking bonus, to be sure.
You're upset that he didn't get to know you better? Who's to say you were any better than he was in that regard? Maybe you should have done the same, so you could have potentially seen this coming.
I have actually.
you think you broke his heart by not going on a date with him? don't flatter yourself too much. (or, in the event that you're right, he's kind of a pussy, if i may say so myself.)
i also kind of agree with @QuantumStorm@xanga's second paragraph.
idk, that situation always sucks, when you reject someone, there's always the huge risk they'll ditch you. i do think its a little immature, but at the same time, people have to do what's best for themselves, and if they can't handle it emotionally, its better they move on than being trapped in an emotionally addictive spell, you know?
one of my best friends in college, i could tell he had a crush on me, but i did like him and respect him as a friend - i tried to dodge feelings talk but eventually he told me everything anyway (they always do :-/) luckily, we were able to remain friends after that, and i got a boyfriend, and he moved on and got a new girlfriend. we've grown apart now but he moved to cali - i've also realized he's kind of a lazy and depressing ass. maybe that's why i was never attracted! lol.
Nah guys always think too much..
You treat them well, they think you fancy them..
Dont worry so much girl! You did it right!
If I had a chick friend who secretly loved me, but I just didn't have feelings for her...
I'd have absolutely NO expectations that she should remain my friend after I reject her.
I think QuantumStorm hit the nail on the head. It would be pretty shady to expect some lovesick girl on my jock all day. Flattering as all hell of course... But I just don't have the heart to do it.
Some people can't handle rejection well. Although, I believe QuantumStorm was right. You're not much better than him. Neither one of you took the time to really get to know each other.
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i had a friend who later started liking me. or was it he liked me and then started being my friend? anyway, i said i wasnt interested and thus began our friendship. i had boyfriends, he had girlfriends. next thing you know we are both single and he still wants at me years later. i said if anything, he was more a friend to me in my mind than ever. he couldnt handle that and cut me out forever. now years later i hear he is proposing to his girlfriend. i am happy for him but i am still angry at him for hust dropping what i felt was a great friendship.
yes, but we weren't close at all. regardless, i was disappointed he cut me out of his life.
Okay, well let's take this scenario:
Girl has been friends with guy for some time. Girl finds guy attractive, and starts subtly flirting. Guy doesn't notice. Girl gets frustrated that guy doesn't notice, and bemoans how "guys are clueless" or "guys are idiots".
What do you want from us? Even if you do like us back and start flirting, we still don't know if you're just being friendly/nice or if you're actually into us.
@Coffee_Kaioken@xanga - Reminds me of this - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzDK70zO-Eo
The fact that he cut you out of his life is best. If you started dating a guy and then found out he still talks to his long lost, unrequited object of love back home, would you be totally okay with it? I doubt it.
Not becoming romantically interested in the first place is much easier than back-pedaling. He's done the right thing for both of you.
Stop being a cryptic pain in the ass and just be upfront. This is a message to all women.
I have a feeling we're not getting the whole story here. I also feel like you perhaps don't really care so much about the friendship, and more so about the fact that you lost an adoring fan. Fessing up that you have feelings for someone, especially a friend, is hard. He has every right to react the way he did. You can't force him to be your friend. I'm sorry that it sucks for you, but it is what it is. This is a situation where you are not the one who is allowed closure.
@RazielV@xanga - @QuantumStorm@xanga - This article makes me crabby.
@TheInappropriateSkirt@xanga - Then stop having sex with it and apply some damn cream already.
@RazielV@xanga - lmfao
Get over it. Shit happens, deal with it.
When I was in high school, I dated my best friend because -he- liked me...and I felt sorry for him. So I tried and tried to be "in love" with him like he was with me because I felt guilty. At one point, I finally thought I did. Then he dumped me after using me, right before Christmas. I cut all ties because I didn't want any sort of relationship with someone who could hurt me like that and just be like "We're still cool, right?" No, not cool.
@RazielV@xanga - lmao
@CaptFlapjacks@xanga - I understand that it is better not to be friends anymore when his feelings were really strong, but I wonder why do you have to fall in love in the first place.. with someone who tells you from the very beginning that she is only looking for more guy friends?
The girl thinks he got the message and hangs out with him and invests time in getting to know him thinking he became a good friend only to later be forced to tell him that she never had any feelings for him so he will have closure.. After he cuts her out of his life, she can't help but wonder if he ever wanted a friendship with her or if she was wasting time in a friendship that didn't exist.
@RazielV@xanga - What the hell...? My cream is missing.
@TheInappropriateSkirt@xanga - Hey what are you doing with...? You know what? Nevermind.
@SweetNGuilty@xanga - Asking why you have to fall in love in the first place is like asking why you can't just fall in love in the first place. Many would be ecstatic to find someone who loves them seemingly unconditionally. Love is just as unconditional as the lack of love.
His mistake for not taking the hint. Your mistake for not being forward enough, dropping hints or just being passive aggressive about it. It's like telling someone"heads up!" instead of "there's a 2-ton truck barreling down the street towards you; I recommend you move." If you've got the luxury of time to say the latter, you should; "heads up!" is ambiguous... much like women's statements of disinterest. You're doomed by your gender here.
one more thing. i think that you really underestimate how shitty it is to hear "i only see you as friends," since clearly you've never heard it yourself. basically it means "i don't find you attractive and you're undesirable to the opposite sex." and you have to realize that with this kind of statement, if it rains, it pours--i.e. that there are guys who hear it a lot, and guys who never hear it at all. there's not really an in-between. so yeah, i can't really blame him for cutting off ties with you.
i don't blame him for cutting ties. the other alternative is that he never really gets over you and follows you like a love sick puppy wishing you'd fall for him for a few more years. or if he does shed all his feelings for you, it'll make you wish that things were like it were before the drama.
totally agreeing with what @QuantumStorm@xanga - said.