Tuesday, 10 May 2011
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I Just Don't Like You
I just can't seem to grasp what has happened over the past year. I experienced a huge, horrible break up with an ex. Soon after, I go downhill. I'm thinking about him 24 hours, 7 days a week. Only thing that gets my mind off of him is when I sleep. This is all normal I have learned after a break up.Acceptance. That's the next step after trying to chase him and get him back. I accept we are no longer together. Since my relationship was so long, I felt the need to find another boy. Another boy I could call mine and be with. Another boy that maybe would hide the pain of my last past.
For so many months after, I felt the need to have a guy. I was set up with numerous guys on different dates in different situations. Nothing. I just couldn't find someone to be with. I meet this guy. I'll call him George. George is head over heels for me. Asks me to be his girlfriend on a daily basis. I have this opportunity to date someone who absolutely adores me. After months of searching (nearly a year), I find myself saying no. I find myself wanting to be by myself and not having to deal with the stress of a relationship.
I'm confused. I'm stressed. But George... I just don't like you like that.
Has this ever happened to anybody else? How do you tell someone no over and over without hurting their feelings?
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About the Author
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- From: tootsndork@xanga
- Name: Stringbean.
- Location:
- About Me: i laugh way to hard at the smallest things. im 19 years old. i live in the past with the people that have impacted my life the most. i'm heartsick for all the things i can't get back. im not complicated at all really.. because the simple things in life matter to me the most. i promise not to judge you on your mistakes. i will love you as much as i can love you. and if you let me, i can be one of the best things in your life. i love paden.
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Comments (28)
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well i went through a bad breakup too and i know how you feel exactly. i think you just need time to yourself because you still have fear and guards up. you need time. don't search for love. you have to let it come to you!
There's no easy way to tell someone, "No, I'm not interested. I don't see you in that kind of way," and some guys aren't going to get the hint and leave you alone. Not unless you get forceful about it and tell him to back off. I think what it is right now is that you need time to yourself, and even if that is the case I also get the idea that you're just not into him in general even without your own personal issues going on.
@chem1070041@xanga - i really think i do. and i would have never thought id be the one to not want to give someone a chance. but its happening
@linguistic_nonsense@xanga - i just would hate to hurt him too bad. he's been through his fair share of problems (medical problems, family issues, things like that). he isnt getting the point. i had the talk with him last night and he wants to wait for me to be ready for him. i even told him he is probably waiting for nothing to happen and he said "oh we'll date. i know we will" lol.
There is no easy way to do it. And think of it this way... if you did date "George", would it because you like him or is it because of the whole "rebound" theory. If you did date him and then tell him afterwards... it would be more painful to him than it is to say no to him now.
You have to hurt his feelings. Otherwise he will just keep thinking there is some kind of small hope, when you know there isn't. You need to be honest with him.
I feel you. Best of luck with your situation.
Attraction isn't a choice. From what you wrote, I can tell that you weren't at all attracted to George, especially since he's giving himself up to you. On the other hand, your ex had personality traits that still attract you to him to this day. This is something that cannot logically be explained; you just have to accept it for what it is.
If he's a rational person, he'll accept what you have to say and you can continue being friends. If he's not, then more the reason not to date him.
Since he's still asking you out, he will probably have hope despite anything else. I've been in this situation before and so long as the guy is kind then I don't worry about it. I'd say "no" each time he asked and if I valued him as a person then I'm super nice to him. I respect and cherish the fact that he had feelings for me and treat him accordingly. Besides, you never know, once you are over your ex-boyfriend this new guy might start looking good. Good luck!
You just need to be straightforward and say, "Sorry. I'm just not interested in you like that." or something to that level. If you keep putting it off, he might think you're playing hard to get.
@StillNotaPrettyGirl@xanga - I quite agree.
OP:
Be honest even if it does hurt him. You're not interested in him and he doesn't seem to get the hint.
i just wanna say thank you to all of you guys. seriously, you all have given me something to feed off of when i have to yet again explain myself towards him.
@Chibi_Son_Gokou@xanga - gosh you are right. i still find myself comparing everyone to him but i dont wanna necessarily be with him. its just strange. but yes. you are correct.
@cryholy@xanga - thank youu.
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I think this poor fool needs to get the hint. You can't help it if he is constantly asking you out just as you can't help that you don't like him like that.
Don't bother with hints. Just tell him that you don't like him like that.
Then don't attempt to be friends with them, that sends out mixed signals. Cut off all contact if you need to.
What's going to hurt him more: Letting him pine after you for months or years, or letting/forcing him off the hook? Don't become the victim of your own compassion. Be honest and forward.
thanks guys. a lot. i mean it. now i just have to grow the courage to crush the poor guy.
Yeah, your best bet would probably be to cut off ties. Maybe talk to him less and less, etc. I've been on the opposite end of your situation plenty of times, and even though there's no pleasant end to it, the most clear message is no message at all.
Also, it's probably the clingy behavior that makes him unattractive...
I really liked this post. Very informative in a constructive way and so very helpful. Thank you
It is hard to find someone after a bad break up (I went through a horrible one, and I actually just wrote a post about it). I think that you just need some time. Don't worry, the right person will come along! :)
@Pysia89@xanga - youre so sweet :)! thankkkks!!
I am going through the exact same situation as you!!!! Unfortunately for me though, when this new guy asked me out, I said yes.. But for the entire time we were together (a few months) I could not think of anything but my ex (whom I dated for a very long time).
I mean, we can't help our feelings right?I just crushed him yesterday- I realized that no matter how much someone likes you, if the feeling is not reciprocated, it is truly unfair to both people.
Soo yeah lol don't feel bad for something that you can't control. Your feelings.
@thisisamelia@xanga - the bad part is he is really starting to realize now. he keeps asking me on the phone or in conversations if i have feelings for him. lol we'll see if i can actually tell him or not. its a baaaaad situation hahah