Sunday, 08 May 2011
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Gender Roles and Why Men Should Do Some Household Chores
Fifty years ago, it was the norm for the husband to bring home the bacon and his wife to fry it in the pan. He would be working full time and the only one out of the household working. The wife would stay home, cleaning, taking care of the children, and have a meal prepared for her husband when he got home from work. Times have changed.
Today, the economy pretty much requires two incomes to make end's meet in the common household. Most women are willing to go to work full time, and they are. But what about the household chores? Are men today helping out in that department?
It has always been my belief that men and women are equal, and so they should share things equally. In other words, if a woman is living with a man and she is working as much as he is, and contributing to an equal portion of the rent, bills, and other financial expenses as her spouse is, then he should be respectful enough to help out with cleaning and other “women’s work.”
Why should a woman be expected to share working and financial responsibilities and do all of the household chores? That would be pure nonsense. But unfortunately, I am seeing more and more examples of this expectation. To me, this is not just a sign of laziness, but a lack of respect. I mean, it’s only fair, right? What is wrong with a woman asking her man to help with a chore, and how is she supposed to react when he refuses or tries to get out of it?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I find it a turn on when a man helps his woman out around the house every once in a while. Now, I know that there is work that is conventionally described as “a man’s job,” like changing a tire and such. As for me, I wouldn’t mind at all helping a guy work on the car, I don’t find myself above doing things like that.
What do you think about gender roles today versus fifty years ago? In your household, who works and who is the housekeeper, or is it shared?
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Comments (77)
Uh, well. Since there are no women in my relationship, men do all the household chores. He does the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, mostly. I clean the rest of the place, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. He's taken some of my 'duties' lately since I've been working more though.
My dad does the ironing and washing. Everything else is shared out.
Ugh, this is all I've been reading about in school for the past two months. It's sickening how many studies are out there about it (sickening that there needs to be studies on it, that is)... How even when women get a job and even if they end up earning more they still have to come home and do, on average, more of the housework than the men.
I'm just going through a breakup and we live together. I don't work I just go to school full time but I always had to do the housework. I like house chores and cooking but he said multiple times that if I left the housework for him he would do it... but if he'd do it, he would have done it. Haha. So kind of a void argument.
To me it doesn't matter if I like it or not, when you're living with someone (and particularly in a relationship) you need to contribute equally.
I'm not currently in a relationship, but if I ever am, I expect the household chores to be split 50/50. I also don't expect him to take care of me and provide for me. I'm looking for an equal partnership, not an I Love Lucy re-run.
For most sane, modern Americans, the idea of "woman's work" and "a man's job" is becoming archaic, and for good reason. Since men are so rarely the sole provider for the household now, it makes sense for both the men and women to pitch in around the house. An arrangement that forces the woman to take care of the house even though she works nearly as much/more than the male is just unfair on the face of it, after all.
@anteprepro@xanga - Yeah it is
OP:
There is equal care around the house between my bf and I. Even if I don't work.
Screw it. Gimme a clean rag, and I'll clean the dishes, do the laundry, and dust the place. I pretty much do it on impulse these days.
I live on my own, so I do everything myself... It's not that hard...
Nope, when I was married even when I was in the Navy (full time mind you, the Navy not the Air Force even) I did all the housework and childcare. Part of why I filed for divorce. It's a lack of respect for women and the archaic belief that we are here only for their needs. I got sick of that and much more. I may never live with a man again. I am a mom to three minor children, I don't want to be a mom to an adult.
Heh...this reminds me of a guy I got paired up with for a cooking lesson in my 8th grade home ec class. My teacher noticed that I'd been doing most of the work throughout the whole process and knew that I wasn't normally one to speak up for myself, so she asked the guy to pitch in and at least do the dishes. He proceeded to call her a "dumb bitch" and said he would never be forced to do "women's work" and then stormed out. Bet he turned out to be a real winner...
welcome to this website
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i think it should be shared
My bf does the laundry (almost all the time), deals with rubbish/recycling and cleans the dishes and I do the cleaning and cooking so I guess I can't complain. I wish he would help out more with cleaning the flat but he really hates all aspects of cleaning so I'm letting that one go. :)
@shpadoinkle12@xanga - I'm not sure if that kind of trantrum is better or worse coming from an 8th grader, compared to 30 something "men's rights" man-children...
@shpadoinkle12@xanga - I hope he wised up. Damn.
In response to the post... yeah, I believe that housework should be fifty fifty, like most commenters do. But I think that when you're in a relationship, you find your dynamic. I'd like for my fiance to do the cooking when we get our own place to live, because I hate it, but I know it'll wind up being split between us. I clean more than he does and I usually have to ask him for help - but sometimes he'll make the bed for me to come home to a nice centerpiece in our room at the end of the day :) so he does random, unexpected things. He checks my oil and my tires, does yard work (which I help with), and other things. We share laundry duties. We don't live on our own yet but I imagine I'll be taking care of organizing bills and receipts and such, since I do that now, and he's NOT an organizer lol.
So back to my original point, you find your dynamic, and hopefully it's built upon respect and love. Too many partnerships aren't, which is a sad fact of life
I prefer it to be 50/50 for the most part, just keeping it as simple as, "If you made the mess, clean it up". Personally I need my place, and especially my work area, to be relatively clean. Then again I grew up doing most of the chores in my household so perhaps I'm a little different than most guys.
Beginning of the relationship 50/50 (You/Spouse) and then later on 0/100 (Parents/Kids).
This all seems a bit cliche to me. I have never had a problem with the household work being 50/50 or close to that when both people are working. I tend to see the opposite problem - I work full-time while my wife stays home with the kids and she seems to have an entitlement sense that the split should be close to 60/40. This has been a huge source of contention for us and continues to be. Then again she doesn't seem to give me credit for being the one who take care of all the household finances (bills, taxes, etc.) or does the outdoor chores - mowing the lawn, shoveling snow/ice in winter, etc. If you are the stay at home partner/spouse, then I think you should be taking on the lion's share of the chores without complaint. Assign the working spouse some of the chores that you both agree on, but don't delude yourself into thinking the chores should be even close to 50/50 when you don't work regardless of whether you're a man or woman in the relationship.
I'm a stay at home mom but I do expect my husband to help around the house. The only thing he really does the majority of is cooking. I know I know...thats weird...but he likes to grill so he grills most nights, lol. He'll also help out with the laundry and he helps out a lot with our son too. I pretty much stick to everything else, but if I asked for help he wouldn't say no. I don't believe the woman should do everything. My mom, however, does. I think that's crazy. I was not put on this earth to bear children and clean/cook all day every day. BS. lol. He's been great to us though.
I think nowadays it is both partners responsibility. But seriously I just think most men are lazy haha. Ive been with the same one for over 6 years & he does little housework no matter how much I beg & plead. I'm no longer working just going to school full time & we have 2 kids. But itd still be nice if hed help. I was working til 2 am & getting up at 6 am with the baby & would have to clean & still do my h/w. And he never helped with any of the cleaning.
@CuriousGeorgeII@xanga - I think the OP was referring to relationships where both partners work outside of the home. My mom was a stay at home mom with three kids and honestly I know she would have loved my dad to have helped more often. It gets stressful being home alone with the kids all day long with no help. Ever consider that?
Gender equality is still relatively a new concept (not even 150 years old). Remnants of the antiquated gender conventions [men are the hunters and women are the gatherers] still linger.
Too bad we won't see them die out in our lifetimes. Heck, society took many centuries to figure out that slavery is wrong.
that's fine, but you can also pay for your own cover at the club, pay for your own share on dates, start hitting on guys, and so on. (if you already do all of these things, i'll shut up.)
@shpadoinkle12@xanga - hahaha best story ever!
@xXDC_luyouXx - centuries? more like millennia...
Well, I guess I got lucky enough to find a man who is more than willing to do his share of the housework, even if he is slightly lazy.
If my current boyfriend and I get married, he's going to do all the housework. c:
I lived with my boyfriend for the last few months. He went to school and I did basically nothing, so I was pretty much in charge of a majority of cleaning and some cooking. He cooked once in a blue moon, though. :P