Saturday, 07 May 2011
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Rooming with a Couple
When I moved to New York a few months ago, it took a week and a half of Craigslist-trolling before I began to grow desperate for a place to live. My only deal breaker other than price range was that the room had to have a window - a condition that, of the thirty places I'd seen by that point, perhaps four fulfilled.Then I found a place that had not only a window, but a window with a view of the Empire State building! And I could afford it! The couple that lived in the other bedroom was super sweet. The guy was from Brazil and the girl was a native New Yorker and they'd been together for a year and a half. They were funny, laid-back, and loved to cook. And they had a dog!
I couldn't believe my luck. But when I returned to my friend's apartment where I'd been crashing and told said friend of my glorious discovery, she didn't share my enthusiasm. Instead what she said was: Trust me. You don't want to live with a couple. No matter how cool they are.
What? ... But the window! With a view! And a dog! What's so bad about living with a couple anyway?
As my friend recounted, lots of things. As the roommate of a couple, you ride their highs and lows. When they fight, you have to dwell in their negative energy. When they make up, you have to listen to them making up through the wall when all you want to do is sleep. And when you're feeling depressed or lonely or just like you don't want to be bothered by anyone, you have to do that while they giggle with each other in the bathroom.
All this without even mentioning the possibility that you might somehow come between them... which is a whole 'nother beast.
Have you ever lived with a couple? What was your experience like? If you haven't, would you?
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (16)
I lived with a couple for about a year. I didn't think it'd be bad because the girl was one of my best friends. It turned awful. They basically took over the apartment, and I was just confined to my small bedroom all the time even though I was paying my fair share of the rent and utilities. And yes, I had to deal with whenever they had issues or if they were being giddy/in love (vom). I never heard them having sex thankfully, but I'm sure that would happen for most people that live with a couple. It ended poorly between us, and I lost my friend for a while afterward (we're friends again now thankfully). I hope things work out better for you... maybe they will be considerate...
i would say that the first comment made the most valid point and the only one i would really consider. that they would pretty much take over the place and all you would have is your room. that would bug me since it is their home after all and my space is just a room. lol. if you dont mind that, all the other stuff you could brush off. at least i could.
I'm living with my best friend, her husband and their 18 month old son. I can testify to each and every one of these things. I myself am married but I'm stationed here along with this couple in Hawaii while my husband is currently stationed in Georgia.
It's completely true when you say that you ride their highs and their lows. I witness each and every one of their fights, I see the lack discipline to their child, and I feel like I'm watching this big huge dysfunctional family unfold before my eyes. Granted that the situation is probably worse than the average considering that these two probably shouldn't even be together at this point let alone be parents, but what's done is done. I LOVE my best friend. She's amazing. I hate living with her marriage.
All that aside, at least for me, it kind of makes me feel left out in ways. That's not their fault. I miss my husband and when they're cuddling on the couch for once, I really, really wish I could have my husband there to cuddle with too. It gets lonely and living with with them is an every day reminder.
On the flip side, living with Amanda and Tyler has shown me how blessed I am in my relationship with my husband and I've pretty much been shown what NOT to do when it comes to raising a toddler; (just as valuable as what to do, in my opinion.) I'm pregnant with our first child and it has definitely been a learning experience.
With all of that said, I am DEFINITELY ready to move back to the mainland with my husband. It's going to be two more years before we're capable of doing that. This experience has REALLY made me grateful for the times that it's just me and my husband in one house.
I lived with a couple for a few months...it worked out fine
I'm living with a couple too, and I don't get their love life shoved in my face because they keep it in their bedroom. They act like my friends when they're around and I see them. If they seem cool, go for it. I would :)
It depends. Usually you'll have to assume the worse and that you will be bombarded with all their fights and make ups etc; I wouldn't really. Usually it works out fine but most of the time, it doesn't.
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I've been living with two friends of mine who are a couple for almost a year now, and for the most part it has worked out great! They don't fight too often or have very big fights and if they do they leave me out of it. Sometimes they are a little too cutesy if I'm not feeling it, but it doesn't bother me that often. I have my boyfriend over a lot and they don't mind that either. We all spend almost all of our time in the living room together either watching television or doing homework, etc....all in all it isn't too bad, and sharing a two bedroom with two people instead of one person is much cheaper!
That being said though, it might be different moving in with a couple who you don't know. Fortunately I knew this couple previously and knew their mannerisms and what kind of couple they were.
I hope you found a place that worked for you!
My boyfriend and I live with another couple. We thought it'd be fun for the four of us to be roomies, and have double-date nights and everything. But I don't really know the couple, they are his friends. And where he works overnights, I am stranded alone with the love birds. I hear them f*cking all the time. When I hear her whiny voice call out "love" like it's a pet name for him I want to gag.
Maybe it's just because I'm not comfortable with them, but I would not recommend moving in with a couple.I lived with my boyfriend and his roommate/bff for a few months. I don't think we were too awful... Granted, he was around for a few arguments, but since the boyfriend and I solved them quickly (AND NOT THROUGH LOUD SEX), I feel like it can't have been too bad. ;P
Would agree with your friend. My sister lived with a couple, and they were hell. Not only did they constantly have sex through the wall, but the one she was originally living with, the girl, moved out when they semi broke up and the guy refused to pay the rent because it "wasnt his place". Turned out they had been splitting their half of the rent in two as well, so my sis was paying fully half the rent for a third of the space. It was bullshit. Make sure you fact check with these two.
I have lived with two couples throughout my years of college and this was unwillingly. It seriously makes the whole living experience hell. Your friend is right, don't live with a couple even if one of them is your best friend.
I've never lived with another couple but I think I'd feel weird if someone moved in with me and my boyfriend, even if it's my best friend. My boyfriend and I fight sometimes, and I don't want to have to censor what I say or whisper, you know? =\ I think it would cause stress in my relationship but, I dunno.
I am the couple. We have a roommate, and yes it does cause problems. Thank god he's so laid back and so open with both of us, otherwise he'd of had to move out or would have moved out a long time ago, haha. But strangely enough, 85% of the time, we all get along and there are no problems. the other 15% well...we deal with it as it comes. It really honestly means you should sit down and discuss with them boundaries, cleaning, etc. I mean I tell my roommate allt he time I don't care if he eats our food, but if he eats teh last of something, or uses the last of something, write it on the marker board so we can get more. That's all I ask for. x:
I currently live with a couple, it totally sucks. As people they are great, and individually as roommates they would also be great. And I enjoy hanging out with each of them individually. But I HATE living with them both.
I feel so much like a boarder rather than a roommate. My friend has really nice stuff, so when we all moved in I let them use their TV, couch, etc. Well, they never even asked me if I wanted to bring any of my furniture, but I didn't say anything about it. Same with the kitchen - it's all her stuff. It's all very nice, much nicer than mine, but it's all hers... I feel like I am living in someone else's apartment. I end up hiding in my room a lot more than I would like to because I just don't feel comfortable in the living area. They are always together in the living room, ALWAYS. Because they "have each other" they are complete homebodies and never leave the house. I can't remember the last time they were gone for a weekend, it was at least 6 months ago. They occasionally go see a movie, but other than that they are here every single night sitting in front of the TV. They rarely even go out to eat - they do a lot of delivery. And I never get any say over what we watch on TV, because it's not my TV. And I don't get a nice spot on the couch, because it's not my couch. I don't feel welcome there. If I do actually sit and watch TV with them, it's like I don't exist. They just baby talk and whisper to each other the entire time.
Every day I just see them cuddling in front of the TV and making dinner together. I have never felt more left out in my life. It's like living with my parents but way worse.
Anywho, my lease is up in a couple of weeks... and I am out of here!
I think it all really depends on the couple you're rooming with. Of course, you don't want to room with the volatile, dysfunctional couple who spends 80% of their time together screaming and fighting and the other 20% of the time being lovey-dovey. I live with my fiance and I've thought multiple times about helping out friends in need, if one of our friends ever needed a place to crash. I don't think they'd have a problem living with him, but I honestly think they'd have a problem living with me. I'm completely neurotic and a total neat-freak and I like things done my way or not at all. I don't even let my fiance clean. I'm completely uptight (when it comes to my house). We, as a couple, are not a problem to live with. But, I think I probably am, unfortunately.