Thursday, 05 May 2011
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Detroit & Illiteracy: An Unhappy Couple
If you've dated a native of Detroit, there's a 47% chance that they were functionally illiterate. A new report from the Detroit Regional Workforce Fund concludes that about 47% of Detroiters can't fill out basic forms or applications such as work papers, or read the directions on prescription bottles. It's an alarming figure which gives us a glimpse into the Motor City's work climate and steady decline.The Fund's director, Karen Tyler-Ruiz, pointed out that only 10% of the functionally illiterate have gotten any sort of help to remedy the problem. Given the sorry state that our American educational system is in, this isn't surprising. Bureaucrats toss money at the problem believing that their experiences with hookers and blow apply to our schooling system, but it only serves to stupefy and condition our youth into unthinking clones through standardized testing, sort of like a General Motors assembly line. As it stands, students and teachers aren't treated as individuals, and creativity has been further stifled by the "No Child Left Behind Act" of 2001.
So what should we do to keep Michigan from becoming a landfill state? Turn it into the world's largest Walmart, of course! While this solution is absurd, I think it has some competition on its heels.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg recently proposed that in order to stimulate economic growth and build jobs in Detroit, we should open up the floodgates to all immigrants, just as long as they live in Detroit for 5-10 years. This would serve as a way to repopulate faltering cities and immigration policy would come at no cost.
As if Detroit didn't have a problem with reading English already... this would only serve to worsen the literacy problem. Even Chrysler and Eminem couldn't save Detroit with their Super Bowl ad.
While I could rant in great detail about public education and immigration, this particular study made me think about relationships, and how important it is for a partner to be literate. In this example, let's say that your boyfriend/girlfriend presents his or herself well, can carry on conversations, and is capable of performing most tasks- except for filling out work/tax papers and reading Emily Dickinson poems. What's your course of action?
Normally, we don't spend first dates analyzing a person's ability to read (restaurant menus don't count, they're easy). We like to get a feel for the individual, learn a little more about their life, and possibly share a kiss at the end of the day. But what happens on that fateful day when you discover that reading Frog and Toad books is beyond your partner's grasp on the English language?
This is an interesting question to me because we usually assume that the people we meet can read beyond a 3rd grade literacy stage. Based on the female profiles I've personally seen on dating websites, it's apparent that a great deal of women (anecdotal evidence, tee-hee) value the ability to read and write at a higher stage. It's hard to separate the functionally literate from those who use "Internet speak," but plenty of profiles have a disclaimer stating that messages won't be replied to if the person doesn't use proper grammar. The beauty of it is that oftentimes, these people don't use proper grammar themselves.
Is it grounds to end a relationship, or do you encourage them to learn? Perhaps you simply don't care and want to continue revving up your partner's engine to some Motown classics. Or, uhhh... maybe you're illiterate as well, in which case you probably stopped reading past the word "functionally." Wait, this gives me the freedom to say anything I want to nearly half of Detroit's population! The Lions suck, Faygo tastes like hobo-piss stirred in fetus juice with kidney stones serving as the rocks, and God hates you. But keep voting Democrat, we love you for that. Just do it, like Nike and General Motors outsourcing jobs to third-world countries.
Democrats will solve all your problems. Oh, wait.
As a writer, I can certainly say that I would be bothered by this. It doesn't mean that I think I'm better than anyone else; I simply have this preference and would like to share my writing with a partner who can read and understand it. While my references to pee-pee and fetuses might be easily understood, I don't always fiddle around with puerile, execrable and grandiloquent rhetoric.
Have you ever faced this sort of situation before? What would you do? Is Michael Bloomberg an idiot?
Sincerely,
Nuñez Love Doctor.Certified with a PhD in Bloombergisms and Juggalos.
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About the Author
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- From: AsylumBlue
- Name: AsylumBlue
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
- About Me: The musician in me is constantly dueling with my inner writer, trying to take its place. What I'm attempting to do is allow them to live harmoniously, but it seems that I'm a terrible peacemaker, because they haven't stopped bickering or flinging spit-balls at one another. I write political satire, short stories, poems and... actually, I can pretty much write about anything; I'm flexible (not physically, unfortunately). If I had to choose, it would be writing softcore romance novels full of seduction, extramarital affairs and incredibly specific details. I'm kidding about that last part, I think.
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Comments (17)
Wow. That's a terribly sad statistic.
I'm a little surprised Snyder hasn't had any emergency managers declare Detroit to be in a financial crisis so they can merge it with -- I don't know -- West Bloomfield, one of the most affluent townships in the country. Or Windsor. Let's be annexed into Canada already.
@methodElevated@xanga - holy god, Detroit would ruin WB. Plus, they wouldn't stand for it.
To the author, I happen to live in Michigan, about 45 minutes outside of Detroit. Bloomberg is a moron and is better off shutting his mouth. On another note, as a writer I could not possibly date someone that could not read and write very well.
@The_Tragic_Romantic@xanga - It was a joke. :) I should've laid the sarcasm on thicker. The interwebz don't convey tone very well.
@methodElevated@xanga - oh thank god, haha
47 %....wow....
That's a sad statistic. I couldn't date someone who couldn't read and write properly. That probably makes me sound snobbish, I know, but intelligence is something I really value, and for me, the ability to read and write comes along with that.
Wow you really need to watch yourself. I've lived within an hour from Detroit my entire life. Detroit is not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. By the way, "from Detroit" is not very clear-cut. People from Michigan say they're "from Detroit" if they live within a 90-minute radius from the actual city. And why pick on Detroit? I'm sure that statistic (if that's even accurate) is just as high, if not close, in any other major city.
But yes, as a fellow writer, I couldn't date anyone that wasn't at least mostly literate. Text message typos/abbreviations bother me, but they're forgivable. I make mistakes too. :p
@At_Sixes_And_Sevens@xanga - so you live in Detroit then?
@lovelyxbones_x3@xanga - I live near Detroit, too. I'm tired of people who see something negative about Detroit on the news and think that gives them free rein to bash a city they know little about. (Why is it okay to say shit like "God hates you", even in jest? Seriously, AsylumBlue, have you even lived in SE Michigan?)
Similarly, I'm also tired of all the ruin porn I see of Detroit, and people who don't live here think it's an actual representation of the entire city and metro area. I even saw one guy post a ruin porn picture on his blog which he genuinely thought was this city; I had to explain to him that the photo had tropical third world slums photoshopped in with Detroit's skyline. /facepalm
I hope something can be done to boost Michigan's literacy rate, especially since the economy is in such poor shape. Reading and writing is a critical basic skill for everybody.
I like you more now. I was wavering, because generally your grandiloquent rhetoric puts me off, but I enjoyed this article.
@At_Sixes_And_Sevens@xanga - clearly you're ignorant though cause you made generalized statements about a city you know nothing about.
@At_Sixes_And_Sevens@xanga - not to mention you spelled "writing" wrong. good one.
First, I teach in Detroit and a large problem is that parents of students don't have any interest in their child's education which in turn adds to the illiteracy rate. Second, saying that the Lions suck is not going to make anyone angry with you. We all know they suck. Third, Faygo is good and it's inexpensive. And finally, part of the issue with education in Detroit, and the surrounding areas, is lack of funding. We have no money for supplies and resources, let alone intervention services, which makes teaching even more difficult and stressful than it normally is.
@IKOlivia@xanga - Yeah, but cheap hookers can be good, too. I just fear catching whatever it is Juggalos have from drinking Faygo. It's clearly doing something to their brains!
In all seriousness though, a severe lack of funding in Detroit's case would only benefit big business since I imagine a decrease in school funding would serve to give those fat cats tax breaks. If that's Snyder's idea to create more jobs, he has it backwards, that's for sure.
While you can fault the parents, are the parents to blame for their living conditions, poor pay or unemployment, and a hopeless outlook on life? Living in such conditions will change a person's priorities and way of thinking. Normally with poor families, it's the child- the student, who rises to the occasion and works hard to get out of his or her situation.
What I'm saying is, these kids could use a lot of encouragement, and both blindly throwing money at a problem or cutting funds isn't going to achieve anything. Although, in the case of insufficient money, that means crowded classrooms and less time to tend to students individually.
I hope that your teacher's union is against the idea that even touching or disciplining a student is a violation of his/her Civil Rights. Every teacher in every classroom should have authority, not the other way around. I feel like students know that they can normally get away with anything, which is why they lash out or disrespect their teachers.
It's supposed to be a professional environment, and if teachers can't exercise any form of authority even if it gives them the right to physically grab a student, they won't get much respect. It's a slightly radical view, especially coming from me since I'm pretty anti-authoritarian, but I honestly believe this is the only way to get anywhere with disruptive students. Teachers deserve more power and more respect, as well as higher wages.
@AsylumBlue - I definitely agree with higher wages. Unfortunately the school I work for is chartered and therefore we do not have a union. However, while I do believe teachers need to have more authority, I don't believe that physical authority is always the best option. When I was in undergrad we discussed in length the negative effects of restraint. Too many students have died because a teacher has improperly restrained them. Proper training would have to be put into place before this kind of authority is given and it would have to be heavily monitored.
I do not blame the parents who have no control over their financial situations. I blame the parents who would rather be smoking pot than caring for their child. Or the parents who beat a child because the teacher called home. Or even those parents who are home and sober but refuse to work with their child because they are ignorant to what their child is learning when teachers provide ample opportunity to educate and work with the them.
Snyder is a retard and Faygo doesn't cause Juggalos, but it does mix well with vodka and other liquors. :)