Thursday, 05 May 2011
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Women: Be the Neck
There is a scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding during which Daughter is lamenting to Mother about how stubborn Father is being. Mother and Daughter come up with a potential solution to their problem, but Daughter remains convinced that Father will never go for it, at which point Mother smiles knowingly and says to Daughter: "The man is the head. But woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants."It's true: women have this peculiar power, and men find it frightfully foreign. To them it stems from this mysterious place awash with maternal sensuality. A woman contains oceans - hazy waves of uncertain depth that can seduce and transform and make drowning seem nice. I mean, she has a womb. She can grow life inside her. It's an unfathomable power that a woman has, really. We could get anything we wanted, and use it to build a beautiful world.
But we don't. Because we are busy - performing our roles and seeking approval and echoing the whispers of men who call us sluts.
I wonder what the world would be like if women embraced their neck-power and used it to do what they wanted, instead of what's expected.
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (26)
Is this a way of saying, "Get pregnant, and you'll get anything you want from hubby" ?
@BlehhItsTu@xanga - LOL I think it's more of a "stop catering to men and make them cater to you" type post.
hmmmm, interesting!
Ah... Not that I enjoy being the politically correct red flag waver in any situation, but this is rather sexist.
In defense of men, I'm tempted to say the neck is one of the weakest parts of the body and pointless without a head.
However, that's equally sexist, so I'll go with this instead: men and women should be equal. Men shouldn't dominate women. Women shouldn't manipulate men. They should stand side by side (Eve was taken from a rib, not above or below Adam). This is just as unhealthy as the idea that a man should keep his woman on a leash. This is like saying the /man/ should be on a leash.
Also, wombs are magical yes, but so is semen. Women can grow life, but is the /men/ that /create/ that life. The egg is passive.
I... don't get it.
I don't think this is about men v. women or power/control... but about the amazing influence and power that we women have that we don't take advantage of. The quote, and movie reference, is of course referring to the idea that "behind every great man is a great women". Women have an amazing power of influence. However, I don't think this post is suggesting that it be used in a manipulative way, but in a way that could inspire and transform and motivate, if we put it into action for not only ourselves but those around us.
The point here is that too many of us women spend our time caring what we "should" or "shouldn't" do, worrying about what others think of us (like "sluts" etc) or putting other women down by using the same insults. We aren't realizing how incredible we are (hence the womb comment). This post isn't saying anything about men, so I find it really sad that we can't read a post telling women to be empowered in themselves without simultaneously assuming they are putting down men or saying that we are "better". We are not "better", but we are not "equal" or "the same" either. Women are different in a wonderful way, and we often have a certain way of thinking and seeing the world that is different than men, thats all. And I think this post is simply about celebrating that.
And @GettingClosertoFine@xanga - yes, it takes both a man and a woman to begin a life. But it is solely a woman who has the ability to sustain, nurture, grow, and protect that life for the first 9 months of it's life. That is an incredible thing, an awesome kind of "power" if you will, and that is what is being referenced here in the post. I'm pretty sure the intention isn't to say that we can create life without the opposite sex.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - I think you're overlooking a crucial part of the "neck" metaphor. The way I see it, it is saying that a head without a neck thinks, but looks straight ahead and has one, sometimes narrow point of view. With the addition of a neck, a head is able to turn to see so much more, be exposed to more, see other options and "points of view". The head is not better than the neck, nor is the neck better than the head. They ARE "side by side", they are equal in importance, but the skills each bring to the head/neck relationship are uniquely different. They can do more, see more, together.
This is pretty much what Dr. Laura says. Women have a lot of influence over their men, but we're too busy getting pissed over imaginary slights and seeking approval from people who DON'T MATTER to use it.
It seems to me like someone's trying to make the relationship about control.
@thepsychoticraccoon@xanga - being able to influence someone doesn't mean controlling them. my boyfriend is a positive influence in my life, and i know i am the same in his. the point is we need to recognize and use this power to influence (positively) rather than undermining ourselves by wasting our time bitching/stressing about things that don't matter.
@micah - I'm just saying there's a fine line between "influence" and "control," and that line can easily be blurred. I understand the point, but I think a better metaphor could've been used.
@thepsychoticraccoon@xanga - point well taken!
@micah - The author said "she can turn the head any way she wants" not "she can help the man see things he normally can't."
Personally, I think wombs are impressive but not /more/ impressive than balls. I mean, we can sustain the life, which is pretty awesome... But we don't make it. I think it's just as amazing that men can actually generate these little cells that have a purpose, know direction, and can propel themselves towards this goal. That is pretty damned awesome. All for the sole purpose of reproducing something else! Kudos to the man for that one.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - ok maybe i'm confused, but isn't "turning the head" how you "help someone see things they normally can't"?
yes indeed, balls are impressive. but this isn't an argument about the better sex, so there's not much need to defend them. believe me, i appreciate your interest in equality, but celebrating the anatomy and complexity and function of a womans womb is not an insult to a man's testicles! :)
@micah - Not with all this talk of power and seduction and getting everything we want and building our own world, it doesn't. If I read this blog on a podium, I'd be a movie villain.
A recent study showed that most men overestimate their intelligence, while most women underestimate their power.
he is the neck and I am the supportive spine
without a spine, he turns into a slithering spineless snake. he still has some power, but he is no match for a hippo, who can turn him into a flat pancake with one stomp. with a spine, he can climb onto the elephant and control the elephant to recruit more elephants to crush the lion
with team effort, the world is their oyster
HEAD + NECK = THE TOP OF A HUMAN
"The point here is that too many of us women
spend our time caring what we "should" or "shouldn't" do, worrying about
what others think of us (like "sluts" etc) or putting other women down
by using the same insults. We aren't realizing how incredible we are
(hence the womb comment).
This post isn't saying anything about men, so
I find it really sad that we can't read a post telling women to be
empowered in themselves without simultaneously assuming they are putting
down men or saying that we are "better". We are not "better", but we
are not "equal" or "the same" either. Women are different in a wonderful
way"
@micah - I could not have said it better myself.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga- Let's clarify something. I love men - I wouldn't want to live in a world without them. But men built this world, and women have always just tried to fit into it. I think women have the capacity to build incredible things of their own - this does not make me a hater of men, or of balls, or of the world that men have created. I shouldn't HAVE to say that these things are great - because men already know how great they are.
I know that it's politically incorrect not to acknowledge men every time we talk about women, and vice-versa. But being politically correct is a tool that politicians use to talk about ugly things in a way that makes them seem just not-ugly enough to diffuse the tension that might otherwise lead to real action.
After all, life is about action, but people get too distracted looking around for reactions to gauge how they are doing. For a variety of reasons, women tend to do this more than men. Men are more comfortable ACTING (as evidenced by his life-giving cells that have direction and purpose), and women are more comfortable REACTING (as when she is suddenly implanted and must surrender to a new purpose of nurturing a new life for nine months, regardless of how self-serving she may have been as an individual). My only point is that I wish women would trust themselves to ACT more, and not be afraid to act in a different way, which IS an assertion of power.
Clearly the head and neck are both essential to the human body. It's kind of funny, but mostly disheartening, that you felt the need to respond to an affirmation of feminine capacity and small rant about how women don't see their own potential as a THREAT to men. It's this attitude that has rendered the word "feminist" another hateful one for women. But I see from other comments that you appear to have a sensitivity surrounding manipulation and control... so you probably know better than anyone what women are capable of. On behalf of women: Sorry if we hurt you.
@ThatBirdisAbsurd - Based on that last comment, I feel like I need to say I'm a woman. But thank you.
I know "political correctness" is a flawed term, a flawed concept, which is why when I thought about how my comment was going to sound, I needed to disclaim it. Or... disclaim its tone, I guess.
Here's the thing. I don't have any problem with blogs about empowering women. I'm supportive of those, I like reading them, and hell, a lot of Datingish posts could be classified as them. But the language of this particular rant made me very, very uncomfortable. They don't read like empowerment. They read like manipulation and control. It's nice writing, and in a way it's horribly true, but I don't like it considered a good thing. You actually talk about being able to turn men any way we want and that we could wield this power to build a new world that we considered beautiful. It's this attitude that freaks people out about feminists, and sometimes I wonder if they really are incorrect to fear.
You do see the worrisome factor here, don't you?
@written_on_the_city@xanga - [Needs citation]
breaks my heart how many people are missing the point of this post by miles - or more like, by entire countries and continents and planets.
this post isn't about sexism, it isn't about control; it's about women's rights and our place in society. it's about how we have a tremendous power but squander this magnificent thing on catering to others instead of asserting ourselves. it's about how we are too busy starving ourselves thin and opening our legs for hearts, and any manner of self destructive and nightmarish things that we endure, instead of using this power we hold to take our place in the world, and equally to give back to the world the beauty and strength that we have to contribute to it.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - When I said "we could get anything we wanted" my mind was on the female capacity to generate cooperation. I didn't mean it to sound nefarious, although manipulation is a tool that all humans use. My language may have been strong, but that's what I was going for. Ideas have to sting a little if you want them to get any attention.
Also, sorry for the gender assumption!
@ThatBirdisAbsurd - Okay, I understand. It does makes sense, especially the need for attention. My mind just raised red flags, is all. Thanks for the clarification, though.
@micah - I totally agree with you. Not many people realize that the term "feminism" was not created as a movement against men - it was the idea that women and men are EQUAL and should be treated as such. People seem to think that women expressing the desire for some control and power in life are simply being sexist, when in fact we (as a collective) are just trying to get on the same level as men. I mean, think about how many times you've heard the statements that "Men are naturally funnier than women," or, "Men are better at sports than women." Why can't the statements turn into, "Humor is objective," or, "One's amount of skill and talent relies heavily on practice." ?? I don't understand why everything has to be so one-sided these days. Why does everything have to turn into, "You sound like you're being sexist..."? Come on, people.
this is a bit contradicting. what about women who are in abusive relationships? are they the "neck" then?