Wednesday, 04 May 2011
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Oversized Sunglasses and Other Stupid Fashions
Ok girls, in the battle of the sexes I know you’re the fashionable ones, and I understand that I’m pretty useless when it comes to knowing what’s hot and what’s not on the runway. Match the belt with the shoes, most of the time, don’t wear duchy V-necks unless you’re European, wear as little Ed Hardy as possible; those are the rules I pretty much stick to. Beyond that, I have to default to my Cosmo fashion app for the appropriate trend of the day.
I also realize that most of the time, the fashions you wear are to impress other girls, not guys. Girls wear Jimmy Choo’s and carry vintage Louie’s so that other girls will look at them, not so that guys will fawn over their fashion sense. However, I am a guy who enjoys looking good, I like to see what everyone else is wearing and I like to make judgments. Take it as you may, you do it too.
There are a few things about fashion that I should get on the table right now for you girls. These are across-the-board "fashion don’ts" in a guy’s mind. And if your guy disagrees with me, he’s either way too pussy-whipped to disagree with you, gay, or a cast member of the Jersey Shore. Let’s have at it….
Oversized Sunglasses:
Look, you’re not Paris Hilton, and you’re not important enough to need to hide your identity behind a giant pair of sunglasses. This fashion should have come and gone years ago, but for some reason, I still see girls all over the place with glasses that cover up half of their face. Do you have any idea how mad it makes me to put in time and effort talking to a pretty girl on the beach, only to realize that she’s busted when she takes off her shades when we get inside the bar?
I get it, if beauty’s only skin deep, then I can see why you’d want to cover up half of your face. Especially for girls with tiny faces, classic Ray-Ban’s are about as far as you want to go. Anything bigger looks ridiculous. I promise they make Prada’s that actually fit…
Uggs with Skirts:
Wait, is it hot out or is it cold? I don’t get it, you’re wearing a skirt, which says warm, but you have winter boots on. Which is it? Now I love skirt season, just as much as you girls love abb season, and I realize that the kangaroo fur or alpaca wool or whatever’s in those things doesn’t make your feet sweat, but that doesn’t change the fact that the combination makes you look ridiculous. “But they’re comfortable!” Yea, so are flip-flops. And they are much more appropriate for a 90 degree day. Wear them with jeans, jeggings or even while walking around in your underwear, but not with skirts.
Too Much Makeup:
Listen, your guy likes you for you. He doesn’t want a pageant girl, or one that makes him late for dinner reservations every time. And he doesn’t want to worry about his safety from the passenger seat of your car while you put on your 5th application of mascara. You think texting while driving is unsafe? If your guy didn’t like the way you look when he wakes up next to you, then he wouldn’t be with you. Can you imagine your guy telling you to run into the bathroom and put on some foundation and cover-up before you give him a wakeup call? Not cool.
A little bit of something is good, but a lot of it can be a very bad thing. You’re not preparing for a photo shoot, you’re going to Applebee’s, and if you’re lucky, Pinkberry after. But if you show up looking like the latest cover girl, don’t expect him to bring you home to meet mom anytime soon. Here’s a good rule of thumb for this one. If you’re at a pool party, and you won’t jump in because you’re scared the water around you will turn orange… you probably over did it a little.
Snooki Hair:
I hate her. I hate everything about her. I hate what she’s doing to America, and television, to professional wrestling and the state of New Jersey (even if I didn’t like the state before). I honestly thought WWE was real until she started throwing down in catfights on Monday Night Raw. Well, to be fair, I’ve never seen the show before. And I did read an interview with her dad once, and he seemed like a nice enough guy, so maybe she’s not that bad in person, but I doubt it.
Her name sounds like it should be an adjective. I just got snookied. Or, “Oh bro, do you see that girl over there? She looks like she caught a terrible case of the snookies.” That hair is dumb. The oversized poof? I’d rather have sex with a girl rocking a beehive. Fuck it, I’d rather have sex with a beehive… Bump it if you will, but if you’re looking for a height advantage, go with the stripper heals over getting your hair snookied.
White Bathing Suits and Little Black Dresses:
These are amazing, and should be voted as the best beach to evening wear combo ever. I love white bathing suits. And nothing’s better than a classic little black dress. Just ask the girls at “The Cut.”
Day-Glo:
Ke$ha wants to be unique. Let her. If you want to be like her, start by brushing your teef with a bottle of Jack, then put on your day-glo, leave and please don’t come back.
Skinny Jeans on Non-Skinny People:
Eewww. I can already imagine how much is under there, I don’t need to see it to believe it. If your skinny jeans would look like baggy jeans on a fit person, you probably shouldn’t be wearing them. The gap, express and forever 21 need to get together to ban all skinny jean sizes above 8. As for guys, skinny jeans should come with a “how to play emo guitar” beginner's book. If you don’t know how to play an instrument, you shouldn’t be wearing these.
Everyone has his or her own style, and you should wear something that shows off you. Wear your heart on your sleeve as they say. I personally wear cowboy boots in almost every situation, but that’s just me. I figure if I happen to be around a saloon, I’m going to be pretty pissed if I have to kick in the doors without boots on. So I stay prepared. That’s why girls carry little dogs in their purses, to protect them in case of a struggle, right?
Anyway, just be conscious of which current trend you’re rocking, because even though I’m sure your personality is amazing, and that you’re a really good person with a really great family, the cute boy in the 3 piece Varvatos suit is never going to approach you if it looks like you spent way too much time getting snookered before coming to the cocktail party.
WJNTY - Seth
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About the Author
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- From: werejustnotthereyet
- Name: We're Just Not There Yet
- Location: Charlotte, North Carolina, United States
- About Me: We, Seth and D, are writers... The book, We're Just Not There Yet will be out in 2011. http://www.werejustnotthereyet.com
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Comments (46)
i'm addicted to sunglasses. especially extra big ones.
I love having a European boyfriend - he can rock a pink V-neck and no one can say a damn thing :D
M
Neh. I love my aviators... especially on days when there is a lot of sunlight and I’m hungover. It works for me.
Did you know that the baggier the fabric of a person's clothing, the bigger it makes them appear? That means that worn right, a pair of skinny jeans on a plus-sized woman would actually make them look slimmer. It's called form fitted, without trying to fit a size 10 into a size 6 (to avoid muffin top). Now, looking good may inspire confidence, which may inspire a healthier attitude, which may even make it easier for a plus sized person to lose some weight without feeling like crap about themselves. I really don't see the issue with stores carrying skinny jeans in an array of sizes.
i agree
I don't wear big sunglasses to hide my face, I wear them for sun protection and because my eyes are very sensitive to light. I look much younger than my age, and I'm surely going to stay that way for a long time.
I'm larger than a size 8, and I wear skinny jeans because: a.) it's mostly all you can find in stores nowadays, besides boot cut, and b.) boot cut/other types of jeans don't fit my body type properly (hourglass) anyway, and c.) I look damn good in them (I'm tall and well-proportioned). So whaaatever.
I agree with the others, though.
@vixen_with_a_cause@xanga - Thank you. I just tried on boot cuts and flares the other day, and they made me look HUGE. Skinny jeans flatter my body type the best, and I am def not under a size 8. It just depends what sort of tops you wear them with, getting the proper size/fit/wash, etc.
Disagree with too much makeup and oversized sunglasses... but I agree with most of the rest.
@vixen_with_a_cause@xanga - My mom is a plus sized lady... tight pants/skinny jeans make her look a good 40 pounds heavier than a pair of good-fitting straight legged pants.
What makes you look good depends on your body type and the cut of your clothes. Not how much fabric a garment has.
It's funny that there was a post today on Lovelyish about how amazing oversized sunglasses are.
mostly agreed with your sentiments; don't look like a ghetto ho
I liked WJNTY on Facebook, but judging women based on their standards of dress is tacky, bros. Some guys like girls to have designer errrthang. Some guys like the Snooki-fied look. Some guys like neon colors (especially mine, since we went to a rave together). Most guys don't really care about the subtle nuances of someone's appearance or how a woman chooses to dress, unless they're looking for a quick hook-up. If a girl's fashion sense is an honest turn-off to you, you might want to look into what area of the gay-straight spectrum you lie.
someone seems extremely cranky today
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - another person misusing the word "ghetto."
Don't be an idiot and hop on the bandwagon for this one.
@lonelystrangergirl@xanga - don't be anal and have a sense of humor. snooki isn't ghetto at all, just trashy.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Did I say Snooki was "ghetto?" No. I said you misused the word. Learn how to read, mmkay?
@lonelystrangergirl@xanga - you're a drama queen
you can tell people about their mistakes without being condescending and saying they are an idiot. bite me, fucker
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - I'm sorry. I wouldn't call you an idiot if...
dun dun dun!!
you weren't one.good luck with life.
@lonelystrangergirl@xanga - you're the lowlife idiot, who screens comments and picks at correct usage of words used in a sarcastic context, instead of actually commenting on the content of this blog. everything that you accused me of is actually your own insecurities
I agree with everything except day-glo. In small doses like nail polish or certain accessories it adds a pop of color if you normally stick with non-colorful outfits.
eh. this was superficial trash. moving on.
Another thing I want to bitch about in this post: The last few sentences. 1: If you're at a cocktail party, you're obviously not going to show up snooki-fied. 2: Young men who wear suits to parties are just trying to flaunt their monetary goods, because suits are fucking expensive. 3. Girls who approach men in 3-piece suits are attempting to acquire their currency in some way or another.
LOL.
I would hope most people on here would realize this is satire. If not, take a deep breath and calm down, I'm not making a personal attack on you. And yes I do look past the clothes someone's wearing. If you did like it and want to read other great articles, check out our website here
-Seth (WJNTY)
I'm a little surprised at the backlash for this post.... I think its pretty right on, in accordance with every other guys opinion I've ever heard. (though in my personal opinion, day glo is good in very small doses, and skinny jeans can be worn on larger people as long as they fit properly and are not spandex/jeggings)
The "too much makeup" one is something EVERY guy I've ever spoken to has an issue with. If you wear extra eye makeup on a special night out, thats hot. If your cheek is caked in foundation and powder and you wake up in the morning and barely resemble the person from the night before... thats not. Here's a hint: guys are pretty bad at actually being able to tell how much makeup a girl is wearing. if all you wear is a pressed powder and a little blush, or a tinted moisturizer... most can't tell that you're wearing makeup at all. If a guy can tell you're wearing foundation, then you're probably already wearing too much.
I'm a little surprised at the backlash for this post.... I think its pretty right on, in accordance with every other guys opinion I've ever heard. (though in my personal opinion, day glo is good in very small doses, and skinny jeans can be worn on larger people as long as they fit properly and are not spandex/jeggings)
The "too much makeup" one is something EVERY guy I've ever spoken to has an issue with. If you wear extra eye makeup on a special night out, thats hot. If your cheek is caked in foundation and powder and you wake up in the morning and barely resemble the person from the night before... thats not. Here's a hint: guys are pretty bad at actually being able to tell how much makeup a girl is wearing. if all you wear is a pressed powder and a little blush, or a tinted moisturizer... most can't tell that you're wearing makeup at all. If a guy can tell you're wearing foundation, then you're probably already wearing too much.