Wednesday, 04 May 2011
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Competition?
I've been seeing this boy recently and I'm pretty into him, but it's sort of a complicated situation. That's not the point of this post though.The point is that, as much as I like him, I was still sort of iffy about him for a few reasons. However, I just recently found out that a friend might have a crush on him too. Instead of this inspiring jealousy or aggression toward the friend, I feel as though my attraction to him has increased. I hypothesize that in knowing someone else finds him just as desirable increases my competitive nature and thus my want for him.
Thoughts? Has this ever happened to you?
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- From: proudsmartypants@xanga
- Name: proudsmartypants
- About Me: I really like to laugh. And I think the world is beautiful.
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Comments (13)
That's one of the things I've heard about before. That if someone else knows that someone is sought after and desirable, it makes the target all that much more attractive.
It hasn't happened to me (both ways), so I can't really provide evidence for you.
I had a friend who would like EVERY guy I started to like. Twice, the guy liked her, but she wouldn't give him the time of day, and then he started talking to me, and she'd freak out and say "hey, I like him!!", when she had told me clearly that she didn't days before. Needless to say, I got sick of her psycho-self and we are no longer friends.
There's a biological reason as to why you want him more because your friend may be interested in him. Because multiple people are interested in this person, that means he must have qualities that are appealing to many, and because of that, you want to be with him more. You want those qualities in order to reproduce with better offspring.
Bam. Biology, muthafuckas.
it's like the analogy of a baby and a toy. If you leave it around, he/she won't take interest in it. If on the other hand, another child picks it up and starts playing with it, human nature tells us to take interest in it. Suddenly, things other people hold up to the light become fascinating. That's infatuation.
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - I'm glad that's what you took away from this :P
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Me either
There was a guy that I used to like but my friend just found him annoying. After a few months, I lost interest in him, only to find out that my friend suddenly thought he was hot. As soon as I found that out I was more attracted to him but I still really don’t like him.
I can’t help think something along the lines of “I was into him first” when I hear her gush about him, but I think that’s because I feel like I saw something awesome in him first, before my friend did and now I’m curious as to what she sees that makes him so attractive when my attention has gone elsewhere.
But then again, I could just be fickle.my friends have different preferences in guys, so the guys, who they think are cute, I don't find cute and vice versa. not much competition in my circle of friends. sometimes the guy that I'm interested in might tell me about other girls that he is interested in or who are interested in him to make me jealous, but I usually get mad and don't talk to him as much, because if he wants those other girls, then he can have her. I'm too prideful to chase after him when that is what he expects after he told me about these other girls. then he might start to pay more attention to me, but I already found someone else, who doesn't intentionally make me jealous, but makes me feel like he only wants me.
Make sure that he's worth it. You should talk to the friend if you think she is interested too.
i've had something like this happen.
it happens with me and my cousin a lot.
i get really possessive of friends she likes, or she instantly likes a guy i do.
@proudsmartypants@xanga - Actually, that comment by PseudoEuphoric is exactly the correct thing to take away from this story. You were iffy about him. That says it all.
Yes, you only like this guy more now because you know someone else does. You want to "win" him, per se, and you would feel jealous if he started liking your friend more than you. But thats not what relationships are about. Would you want to date a guy who was "iffy" about you but then only decided they liked you more simply because someone else also wanted you?
Relationships are not competitions.
@micah - Fair enough. My point was that a response like yours would've been constructive to the discussion rather than just reiterated a statement I'd made in the post.
Oh yeah. Most def. It's only human nature.