Monday, 02 May 2011
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Bad Advice Your Guy Is Getting
After skimming through Askmen.com, I found some disturbing help the "experts" were giving to guys. "You’re going out with what I call a women's prison guard. Like my cousin General Love says, “She has certain orders for you, and if you don’t carry them out, there’s going to be hell to pay."
Orders?
"You're going to have to soothe her fragile ego and her insecurities on a daily basis."
Lovely.
"You'll know that when you go out with friends, she's going to fly off the handle."
Geez.
"The path you're going to need to choose is the one of constant damage control and one with regular access to Xanax."
Seriously?
"Unless you are looking for a gold digger, you should never, ever talk about money on a date."
Ouch. Are we really that bad?
Alright, let's hear it. What do you girls think? Do you guys agree?
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Comments (33)
I don't read guy magazines or blogs because it would find it the same as Comso or another girl mag, always giving false information on how to deal with your relationship or dating life. I just do things my own way, and it has worked out for me successfully with 2 out of 3 relationships.
The last one is true. Start talking about money and you find out what kind of chick she really is. Not that they're all gold diggers, but it's nice to know how interested they are.
Other than that, I can assure you that most men don't pay attention to relationship advice from blogs or magazines. We get it from our juvenile friends who have worse relationship track records than us. :)
What, are they picking up chicks in an insane asylum? I'm sure there are girls like this, but there are also guys like this. My advice for someone for whom the above is actually viable? Get the fuck out of that relationship, because there's no reason for you to be in it if you're constantly waiting for the other person to snap.
the tips are geared toward specific types of women. also, all relationship columnists are pretty-much opinions of ordinary people, so it's not 100% law.
I used to do the exact opposite of #5. Engaging in light conversation about money and finances paints a picture of that person for you. I would never have dated a girl who was a severe shopaholic, financially irresponsible, or a gold digger, and money talk can help you figure that out.
Lots of women are stereotypical bitchy, money-grubbin', shallow, and stupid
I'd like to see articles praising the good women, just like I wanna see articles praising the good men. My fiance is always saying his friends are single because they hang around airheads who let their boobs hang out at parties they get drunk at... and that if they want a classy woman, they should change their tactics a little. Look for a real woman, not one who's gonna drag you down
And shit like what you posted, OP, just further drives home the point that we must all learn how to stand on our own two feet and grow a pair ourselves (I'm speaking about us ladies!)
@laytexduckie@xanga - I concur.
It seems easier to write about a person's flaws and advice as to how to keep those flaws in check or something, rather than how to keep a good man/woman happy... having said that, these little excerpts could really be from articles or answers to questions about those women who are so insecure and money-hungry and the rest and such women do exist. The generalisation just seems incidental, or even accidental.
Responding "Ouch. Are we really that bad?" on the gold-digger count: that really isn't something to be annoyed about or deem generalising all women as gold-diggers, I wouldn't be offended reading that. It's more a general "be careful in case the woman you're with is a gold-digger but hiding that until you talk about how much you make". Because there are a lot of women out there who want lots of gifts for all kinds of occasions and expect a whole lot of money to be spent on them... it's not wrong for men to want to avoid that and find a woman who doesn't expect so much. That's my view of the gold-digger comment anyway.
But this post doesn't give too much detail on the format of that site and I've never looked at it, being of the female gender, so... all I can say is these little excerpts aren't good advice - they seem to focus on disparaging the woman in question and telling the guy how to "deal" with her rather than offering real solutions to maybe change things for the better. But there's probably good advice on the site that we're not looking at, too.
@asinine_enigma@xanga - haha. I like this comment.
@BloodIsLove@xanga - Totally right. ( How smart is this chick?! :] )
We have no idea if they meant ALL women or specific women, or specific groups.
We must have the context.
I don't like to talk about money either with anybody, because I'm the one that people, who know me, borrow money from. I don't like how people that know me get on my case for shopping when it is my money and none of their business. if I'm spending their money, then they can talk. I'll often pretend that I don't have money to not be taken advantage of. I usually pay half on dates with guys and pay my part when I dine out with my female friends. that was a rant lol
I feel like the first quote is rather tricky, because guys usually say that they can't read our minds, so they'd like communication, and when we tell them directly instead of hinting or saying things that we don't mean, then the sudden untypical bluntness is seen as demanding and needy
the guys that I've dated were macho on the outside but insecure on the inside, so they would say things that offended me and not realize that they offended me until I directly tell them, then they get all hurt and pretend to say that it is okay when they are clearly offended that I offended their ego when they expected me to stroke their ego with something nicer that they wanted to hear...even though they said that they like it when I'm being real and straight to the point as long as I don't hurt his ego and watch for his insecurities though he doesn't have to care about mine. so it turns into another argument
that guy was just a jerk and I dumped him:D yay me
I don't mind if he goes out with friends, but if he promised to hang out with me later, and ditches me more times to hang out with his friends or doesn't call to let me know that he had to cancel for some reason, then that isn't considerate and I hate when people continually break their promises and act like it wasn't a big deal. little things add up even if they don't think that it means they are taking another person for granted. same jerk as the one I mentioned previously:P
I think I needed more shopping to relieve my stress from these guys that boiled my blood
lol I was just ranting about my past. I recently found a more tolerable guy, who is a keeper<3
out with the old and in with the new
every gender has the rotten apples and fresh apples.
These women exist and men should steer clear of them! Some women try to control their men etc., so I think quite a few of these are true but obviously they don't apply to all women.
Isn't this taken out of context? The first piece of advice is being given to a guy who is dating a particular type of woman, and for all we know she could be absolutely crazy. If they're talking about all women in a general sense then of course that's not right, but there ARE malicious women out there.
Yes, there are women like this. Hopefully AskMen acknowledges that there are women who are NOT like this though.
Also, if a guy talks about money on a date, he's an idiot and deserves a gold digger.
It's no more ridiculous than the crap we find in Cosmo...
What? I agree with all of these. HA! On a side note, posting random answers without the questions, is completely useless. Especially as way of dissecting (or poking fun at) anything. It's like asking questions in a letter.
This "advice" is pretty disturbing. Its completely missing the larger point which is.... why the hell are you dating that type of girl in the first place? Sure, I've encountered girls before who fit the bill for this. But advising that a guy "expect" things like this from all girls is really insulting, not only to other women (many of whom are NOT like this at all), but also to guys because its suggesting that this is the type of woman you have to be with and these are the types of concessions you'll have to make to be with her. I seriously believe that this is the reason guys date girls like this... because they are told that this is simply "how women are".
Regarding the money comment, I'm not sure why you would ever bring up money in an early date conversation at all. Forget "gold diggers", you simply should never ever talk about money on a date... because it's tacky and really unattractive and makes a guy look like a tool. If you love your job and are passionate about it, then talk about it all you want. Money doesn't have to be a part of it, and if she cares about how much you make then she will simply infer what she will from your company/position and where you take her for a date.
No matter what gender you are in- they tend to generalize each sexes. we get different reactions or response everytime we go out to a date, answers are different. .
and men and women are so alike. its just on the way they act on a situation isnt.
This is why I believe men shouldn't have friends or talk too much about what they think they know about relationships. Men are too susceptible to believe what they read/hear and it scares them away. They're too dependent on other peoples opinions and its damaging to their relationships.
Geez if I was a dude, I think this would turn me gay. lol
Seems like these answers are directed at questions from guys dealing with gf's with these issues. There are definitely girls like that out there and I've dated a few (for very short periods). But its not really fair to take little snippets of answers to make a generalized assumption. Anyone can just as easily go to a women's magazine or website , and cherry pick lines that sound like they are bashing all men, when they aren't.
I like to talk about money both mine and his. I think it's an important aspect of a person to know where each other is it and if it works with the lifestyle we currently have and want.
I make good money and I like to go out to expensive restaurants and travel, if I'm dating a man who works at a gas station, chances are he can't afford that sort of fun.
I'd dump any woman who was actually like that in seconds flat. Luckily, most women aren't that insane.
Honestly if you take some of the above points separately then they may apply in some instances...
"You're going to have to soothe her fragile ego and her insecurities on a daily basis."
Well! I have heard from my SO that I don't say "I love you" or how beautiful she looks enough. I don't take the advice literal but I have had to take this advice on occasion.
"You’re going out with what I call a women's prison guard. Like my cousin General Love says, “She has certain orders for you, and if you don’t carry them out, there’s going to be hell to pay."
And this definitely applies in many situations I've come across. We've had to develop compromises to MANY situations. But I do remember a time where hell was paid for not following "orders".
i feel like there's just this huge lack of communication between men and women. women who have had one bad experience with a guy make believe all men are assholes, and men who have one bad experience with a woman do the same. the traits described above go under the category of "psychotic girlfriend" or "really immature girls". isn't that common sense...? i've never even come across a girl like this, to be honest, although i know they're out there.
and let's not act as if this only applies to women. there are the crazies among both sexes.