Post was submitted by an anonymous user.What does "I like you" mean from a friend with benefits? It's been a couple of months, and this guy and I met online. We go to the same college, we are 5 years apart. We've only met up 4 times and each time it was for sex. We do text/IM each other here and there sometimes and we talk about other topics too. Like sports, friends, school, various other interests and life stories.
But last night (10pm) I wanted to end our casual relationship. I did not know the proper way to do it. I know we are not in a serious relationship but we are friends so I decided to text him instead of IM or call him.
Me: hey ___, are you up?
Him: Hey. Yeah, what's up?
Me: Just wanted to tell you that I'm done. I'm not sure how to tell you - I feel like I'm making a break up happen or something. I hope you're okay with that. I had fun, no doubt about it.
Him: Hehe, why?
Him: I don't want it to be over....
Me: I just don't feel like it anymore. It was a fun, and good experience. But I think I know now I'd rather be serious. No more playing. It feels like cheating. Well, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a new "fun" buddy.
Him: :(
Him: But I like you....
Me: ??
Him: Nevermind....
Me: Do we need to talk about this over the phone?
Him: Can't right now. No privacy....
Me: Okay. Well, if you need to - you have my number. I'm understanding (:
Him: Ok... we should talk sometime though.
Then we said our good night for the day.
KEY PARTS: "I like you" and "nevermind."To rephrase my question: Does he really mean what he says, "I like you"? Or am I just over thinking things? After all, we only met 4 times and it was all for sex.
As for how I feel about him, I do have a little interest in him and that's part of the reason why I wanted to break off the friends with benefits relationship before I get in too deep and get hurt. There are other reasons why I want to end the casual relationship too such as what I told him and another reason I am not going to explain.
I'm just wondering if he's really honest about what he texted me last night so I can collect my thoughts properly.
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Comments (29)
Taking it back to playground politics, there's "like" and then there's "like-like."
If it were a plain and simple like, that 'nevermind' was just a backpedal after realizing what he said. I'd be quick to say the same if in that position and about to lose my buck fuddy. However, I'm a firm believer that two people cannot be in a physical relationship without a certain degree of emotion, so it's entirely possible that the lad is headed down the like-like road. I think the only way to sort it out is to ask him - but I wouldn't get your hopes up.
Generally speaking, that sentence in a Friends With Benefits situation is a way to screw with your head and keep you exclusively THEIR Friend With Benefits.
In this particular instance, I agree with Super_Andy.
It seems like he was about to lose something he enjoyed and was trying to find the right words to not seem pathetic but still let you know he didn't want it to end. Then he realized he went too far, hence the "nevermind".
break up via text. very mature of you. this is why you have the questions you do.
You can't have a friends with benefits without rules laid out beforehand. Check out my blog about it. Sorry to say but you have gone about it the wrong way.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - she met this guy online and met him four times. they arent in a relationship - she owes him nothing.
@asinine_enigma@xanga - pretty sure you can do freinds with benefits without being exclusive friends with benefits? isnt that the whole point. that you haveoption of seeing other people becasue a relationship with the person you are sleeping with is not an option.
"I like you" in this case means, "I like having sex with you." You did the right thing by breaking it off when feelings developed. You told him you want something serious. Don't contact him anymore. If he contacts you then you can safely suspect that he's looking for something more with you, but that "nevermind" isn't doing much for his case.
It's crazy you mention this because I was in the same situation as you. Be careful is all I can say because sometimes I feel as if the guy just says he likes you so he can continue having sex with you. I'm in that position now, where my buck fuddy and I are trying to date, YET again. This will be our second time. We were fwb then we dated, broke up, both got into different relationships, both got out of those relationships, went back to fwb, and now we are trying to work it out again. It's a vicious cycle. And I think the reason why we keep trying is because we have such an amazing open connection between each other that we can't find in a normal relationship with someone else. The best advice I can give, is to straight up ask him what he feels. That's what I did and my fwb ended up feeling the same way too. If he doesn't, then at least you know where he stands.
by the way, mine would say the whole "nevermind" thing too because he thought that I didn't feel that way and got embarrassed. It can go both ways.
He's showing his wussiness to you. Do you want to date a wuss?
"We should talk sometime though" leads me to believe he might actually have feelings for you.
I would say that you guys should continue to hang out more and refrain from having sex every time you see him. If you want to see if he really cares about you, you need to spend time together where there's no expectation of sex at all. Tell him that you don't plan on sex at the beginning of your time together or before you even make plans together, that will be the real test of whether or not he's interested.the "nevermind" part means that he can't say what he really feels, which isn't the serious feelings like you might want to hear, but the crude feelings of..."I like you as a f*** buddy and want to convince you to keep it that way by telling you when we have privacy all the things that you'd want to hear in order for you to change your mind about being fwb"
I'm not sure anyone here can make an accurate diagnosis, considering we do not know the guy. He might be sincere, but he might also be playing you. You know them better than us, so only wisdom on your behalf would solve the mystery. If you made a mistake, you gain some knowledge for the time such a scenario presents itself again. Such is life.
It sounds like they just "like" being your friends with benefit buddy.
hes not serious .. its good u ended it
most guys don't fuck girls they don't like more than once. Most fuck buddy situations are with people who basically like one another. So his saying 'I like you" was just him saying "aw gee, do we have to stop? It was fun."
if he wants more, he has your number. It's up to you whether or not to take that call.
Yeah, I was wondering the same thing ... except I never told the guy I'm having an FwB relationship that I wanted to end it. It's been 4 months now, and I'm thinking of ending it... and its weird, because, I probably feel the way you did... like, we're not together, I'm not really obligated to say "it's over"... and I really don't know how to say "We're done having sex... but let's REALLY be REAL FRIENDS and not do the benefits part".
Yeah... doesn't seem like it'll be normal ... or maybe it would, I haven't tried yet so I can't say that.
you should talk to him first before getting your hopes up..
but because you still havent.. what im thinking is the part where you mention "Well, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a new "fun" buddy" then he replied; "But I like you...".
he is referring to you as a fun buddy as you say it. he likes you as a
fun buddy... but yes ofcourse, there might be a physical attraction
that but not clear enough.. not on the way towards what you wanted to
hear because the main subject of the conversation is you asking or
telling him you wanted out to that kind of relationship with him.
but
if you really like him, and you might think that you'll wonder what he
might be thinking of the situation forever, if youll not talk to him..
then you should.. it wouldnt really matter what happens next coz you
know what you want, right?
He just wants to fuck you again. Move on.
he means he likes YOU as a "fun" buddy. he'd rather not have to find someone new to have sex with. and if he means anything different its up to him to man up and say it, not for you to overanalyze and figure out for him.
in the end... like means like. nothing more. don't read any further into it, please.
My husband and I were friends before we went out on a date and then we somehow turned into friends with benefits. We continue that for a week or so, and then he told me he "liked" me. After that, we became exclusive. IMO, if he really meant what he said, I think he would of stepped out for privacy and called you.
If you're starting to like him, and chose to end your involvement with him hoping he'd see past the sudden rejection and realize you ended it because you think you like him, whoops.
I mean, things would go better for you if you just said nothing, rather than encouraging people to do what you don't want them to.
what he meant was-- he liked the sex.
F-buddies or friends with benefits do NOT take the end personally. I speak from experience. He likes you and not just because of the sex (4 times, really?) You guys have talked and gotten to know each other, right? He may like your body (as you liked his) but, it seems like he also enjoyed your mind. Guys (speaking from the experiences I had with my own f-buddy) will have sex with you but, they rarely have an interest in conversation with you, especially if you are aware of the fact that it's just about the sex.
My advise: If you like him for more then sex, see if he'd like to go to dinner and keep talking with him. Don't make sex part of the deal and see if dating him is ok (again, I say this if you like him like that) Otherwise, ignore the 'I like you' and keep the friendship where it belongs, as a friendship.
@ccccourage@xanga - I have to disagree with you on that one. A couple years ago I had a fuck buddy that I fooled around with way more than once - probably around 12 to 15 times throughout the course of three years - who was never more than a fuck buddy. There was a time that he told me he liked me; we had had sex before then, but I wanted to *ahem* change my ways. He only told me he liked me, though, so that I would feel more of a "connection" with him. After I finally gave in and had sex with him yet again, we didn't talk again for like, a year and a half... and then, shortly after I got out of a serious relationship, we started the same routine all over again. It was a vicious cycle, and not one that led to a relationship of any kind. My only guess would be that he liked what I brought to the table, and in fact I became a lot more detached toward the end of our fling... probably because I knew nothing would come of it.
@i_am_determined@xanga - When I used the term "like" I meant just like, not "in love with" or "romantic" feelings, just "hey, you're ok to hang around with" like. I think that guys will fuck a girl they don't much like to hang around with once or twice, but if they keep it up, they at least think you're cool to hang out with. Otherwise they'd just find someone else to fuck.
'So maybe we, you and I, or maybe HE used the word 'like' in different ways. Maybe he didn't have romantic feelings for you, but hinted or said he did so you'd still have sex with him.
dummy!
that was his way of wanting a relationship with you...
most guys are prideful and can't articulate these things well.