Monday, 02 May 2011
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Ex-Boyfriend's Relatives
Alright so everyone knows that once the relationship is over between you and your past significant other, the friendship you had with his/her sister, brother, mother, father can never be the same again. I get that, but here's the thing- nowadays with Facebook and other social websites, it's not unusual to have those individuals on your friend's list even if your ex is not.My question is, for someone who most likely does not like your existence do you:
a) Delete these people off your Facebook/Myspace/Other account.
b) Limit their access.
c) Keep it as it is and do nothing.The reason I ask and don't just circle "c" and carry on with my day is because I really feel like they aren't my friend, and I try to keep only my friends on Facebook. I honestly only have 117 people on my list, each person I can call a friend or someone I consider much more than an acquaintance. I don't hide albums unless they're not rated pg. However, why should I share my life with people who probably don't give a hoot about me?
If it is keeping them on my list just to be "polite" that kind of goes against what I value, which is honesty.... If you don't like me or don't want to associate with me please don't.
It makes me wonder; when I genuinely care about someone and comment on their status, if they realize it's not some lame attempt to get back with their sibling/relative. Like for example, my ex bf's sister wrote on her status that she was ill and I wished her to get better. She doesn't reply. Note to self: don't do that again (but I do because that's just how I am).
Help! I know this isn't a huge deal, but it's bothering me.
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- From: reichael@healthkicker
- Name: Rei
- About Me: reichael.tumblr.com
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Comments (29)
yeah, that's why i would like to avoid adding a boyfriend's sibling on FB unless I am positive we'll get married & stay together forever... but it's so hard to feel that secure about a relationship, nor did i ever have one like it
I'd just delete them and move on with my life..
When my fiance and I broke up his entire family deleted me off of their Facebook account. We had amazing relationships and really loved each other, however we knew that separation would be the best way for everyone to heal.
Delete and move on.
Delete and move on. By continuing the relationship with the relatives, I feel like you are just dragging out the ending of a relationship and it isn't healthy.
Girls try to rationalize why they are still friends with their ex's family, but for the good of all it's best to just move onNow, if it’s an ex’s random aunt that added me because I was dating her nephew... I have no issues just deleting her.
@shinoseishi@xanga - Well said.
If you think it would become a big deal, or hinder in your getting over your ex, delete them. If it wouldn't make a difference, and they'd just be one of those on your list of "friends" who gets lost in the shuffle, I wouldn't bother. Honestly, chances are they may not even notice, unless you were that active in being friends with them on whatever social network.
I delete them, then re-add them after all drama has passed.
i add my boyfriend's relatives--sometimes i feel like it could be somewhat immature just to delete someone because of a breakup. i am no longer friends with my ex (and he is blocked) due to him acting like a psycho, and i didn't want him being able to see what's going on and i don't want him trying to contact me anymore than he does. his brother ended up deleting me--i still have his sister on though, she's an adult and has her own life so i don't really care.
if something horrible happend then i would probably delete family members
I don't delete them, but if they delete me, I don't kick up a fuss about it. I don't feel like it should be my decision, really.
@fields_of_sunflowers@xanga - Agreed. I don't delete them. If they want to delete me, I'd understand.
My ex's mom, sister and sister's boyfriend are all still my Facebook friends. I still comment on some of their stuff, and sometimes they comment back. I guess if the break up was messier, I wouldn't do that. I really don't delete anyone off my friends unless I really don't know them. I even still have my ex best friend and her boyfriend on there! haha.
I've been wondering about this...in my case I'd leave it up to the ex-bf's relatives to delete me since they sent out the friend request first.
Delete them. If you don't care about them or really talk to them in person, there's no need to keep them on there.
If you're not friends with the ex you probably shouldn't be friends with their relatives (unless you were the relatives' friend first)
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything@xanga - Agree
If there's no real attachment to those specific people, delete and move on.
Otherwise, drop them a message of some sort and depending on how they respond (or don't) act accordingly.
Thanks everyone for the wonderful comments!
Delete and move on. I've done the same with my exs family and his friends(well the ones I didn't even like.....footy boys ughh). I wouldn't have them on there if it wasn't for him, and now hes not part of my life I don't need them on there lol It's my facebook and I'll do what I want haha
I would delete my ex, and delete any relatives that I kind of didn't like or don't feel comfortable staying in contact with. If I really had a friend in his family that I felt still liked me despite not dating my ex I would keep them.
when i broke up with my ex, he was being such a douche that his entire family took my side against him. sure that broke them apart but i was shocked. they still considered me apart of their family. of course i cant go and see them as much as i wish for fear of running into him (no connact rule is in effect) but i work with his older sister and she is actually my # 1 friend in this world. i think the rule that when you break it off, you shouldnt have to get rid of your friends or your other family just because things didnt work out. you should be happy no matter what the cost. your ex can get over it lol
I would delete them. I mean I never was friends with my ex's family on facebook to begin with. But, If you aren't going to continue a relationship with them outside of the web-world, then there's no reason for you to continue being "friends" with them on facebook.
Oh and one of the worst things about my ex's father was that he told him that he better get all the sex from me that he could before we were married, because he wasn't going to get any after we did get married (we never got married, I broke up with him after a year of dating). This advice coming from a man whose had a divorce and probably plenty of broken relationships because all he thinks about is sex. I knew I didn't sleep with him for a reason.
lol the guy I am talking to is the opposite. He broke up with his ex because she betrayed but he only talks to her once in a while to keep up with the family friendship because her family and his family were friends in the first place so yahh...
Well, unless you truly cared for them and want to keep in touch, i would delete them. Plus, they'd only be watching what you were doing and reporting to your ex. OR limit their access.
Well, I am still friends with my ex's best friend. I didn't friend his mom because I wanted to meet her in person first, so that was a good decision on my part. I actually deleted his best friend for a bit and then friend requested again, which he accepted a month later. Weird. I get the feeling he might relay info to my ex, but my ex is friends with one of my two best friends also, so whatever. We can be even.
I always get close with my significant other's family. Or try to anyways. So when things don't work out, I still like to be able to talk to them. Yeah, sometimes they dislike me for a while, but they always come around!
Whenever I've had a relationship end, the other person almost always mounts some sort of vicious campaign against my social or professional life. So, I always block the person and all their friends on facebook in order to contain any ugly smear campaigns aimed at turning my other friends against me through my facebook profile.
I make it a point not to be friends out of politeness. My roommate does that and honestly, I just think it's rude that she'll talk smack about someone while going through their photo albums online. I mean, really? Why are you pretending to be friends with them? It's not like rejecting them on FB via the "Not Now" option of the sent friend requesting is really a full blown confrontation about why you don't like the other person. She also lets guys that like her and that make her feel uncomfortable (because they're creeps) be friends with her on Facebook. Then she wonders why they feel like she's leading them on.