Sunday, 01 May 2011
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A Lack of Closure?
I dated this guy recently. When we hung out last, we both just parted without talking or texting each other for a few weeks. It was a nonverbal agreement.He changed his status on Facebook to "In a relationship" the other day, and I found myself incredibly frustrated by the sudden rush of emotions that overwhelmed me. I wasn't sad or angry or disappointed. If anything, I was really happy and really excited for him.
But I was confused because I didn't understand why I still had these emotions.I felt like I barely knew him after the first few weeks of dating, and I'm sure he felt the same. We became different people once the labeling happened.
I think it has something do with how much I miss his scent and his overall physical presence. I don't think I ever knew him, so I feel like I have no right to say I miss him as a person. When we lived together for several weeks, we knew each other inside and out because we could communicate and create shared memories quite effortlessly.
But I think that a large part of this bewildering mesh of emotions stems from the lack of verbal closure between us. One day, we simply walked away.
There's another thing that confuses me. For a while, I thought he read my Xanga, because of a series of coincidences where his appearance or actions altered after I had written a post. He has no Xanga, so the only clue I had was the random appearances of some person from my state perusing my site. But to put it bluntly, that could have been anyone.
What do you think? From this point on, I'm determined to let go of all of my remaining emotions. I think I'd still have tons of fun with him, and I don't think I'd be hurt or pained if he wanted to converse about his relationship with me.
It might be awkward the first few times, but knowing me, I'd probably end up giggling and pointing things out like I usually do. I'm just not sure about how I can get over him if I can't figure out why I'm NOT over him to begin with....
Any tips? I can't cut him off completely because he's a family friend, but I wouldn't want to anyway.
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About the Author
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- From: ndin0sawr@xanga
- Name: Jenny
- About Me: snorlax is my hero :D
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Comments (10)
that's why it is ideal to not put your name, location and other personal info that could possibly identify you with a simple click of a search engine if you are going to talk about someone secretly on a public blog:D or just put your site to sign-in or friend-lock or set your blogs to protected postings if you are paranoid that the person is your ex.
This situation is certainly confusing. You two ended things silently, but yet over the news of a new relationship your emotions are so verbal. If you call him, what do you expect him to say? What do you want to hear? Do you want to know why he suddenly stopped calling? It seems like you both just lost interest. Maybe you are so taken aback because its like rejection. Give him a call to get your answers if you have no fear. But since he is in a new relationship, I wouldn't necessarily expect a pleasant phone call.
why dont you just ask him what happened? if yall lived together then it seems like you were somewhat serious so i kind of see it as if you have some right to ask what happened. At this point i say just give it time. youre probably gonna be trying to microanalyze every detail of yall's relationship to figure out what happened but i think as time goes youll let it go little by little. im still dealing with my non-closure situation after like 5 years so i cant really promise you success in getting over it completely. i say just ask, spare yourself the pain.
Something similar happened to me, although your separation seems a bit more amicable. I would just leave the situation alone, even though you insist you can't cut him off. If he's a family friend, you can meld back into a friendship the next time you run into him, but I wouldn't pursue it based off of a handful of confused feelings.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - rofl i'm nowhere near paranoid, but i suppose it would help my curiosity if i set my blog to xanga-lock or whatev :]
@Conflicted_Psyche@xanga - hm. i think you're right about the rejection aspect. i don't think i'll be able to talk to him about it until he wants to open up about his relationship with me. either way, we're on good terms and i don't see it ending that terribly. :] i just don't want it to be ridiculously awkward.
@PureLilly@xanga - lol we lived together when our families cohabited for a month or two. very very short time, but you learn a lot about each other when you see each other daily. i think we're still on good terms partially because we both have at least an iota of respect for the other, which is better than what most could hope for when all contact suddenly drops. i do wish you luck in your quest for closure~
@theDevilWeeps@xanga - that's exactly what i'll do. thank you :]
Closure is overrated. When people say a person hasn't given them closure, they really haven't given themselves closure. After all, how many people have you heard say they didn't get closure when they were broken up with? Granted, you didn't have a great situation to make yourself aware that you needed closure, but just remember that it comes from within. And that you have to be patient, which is something no one wants to be nowadays.
honestly if i were you i would just talk to him directly. .im usually a person that confronts other people if something so bad is bothering me, but maybe thats just me..
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - very true.
@sastsuki@xanga - maybe i'll talk to him one day. but timing's everything to me. :] at this point, it seems like i'd just be dredging up a piece of the past for no reason except my own self-fulfillment, ykno?
@Liquid_Pain_523@xanga - I agree.
i think closure is the most under-rated action EVER. i recommend people to get closure constantly, however they feel they need to do it.