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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 7 months. We have a ton of sex, but the problem is, he has never given me an orgasm. He has this thing called Premature Ejaculation, so he dosnt last more than 5 minutes in bed. When we have sex, he's done before I can even think about the fact that were even having sex. It's basically just a tease to me. I love him, I really do. But I just want to have an orgasm.
I dont even want to have sex with him anymore, because I just see that there's no point for me. Yes, I like pleasing him, but what about my sexual needs? I came to the conclusion last night that this is breaking our relationship. It's just really frustrating. I don't know what to do anymore. I've talked to him about it, but he just gets upset, then I feel bad, and tell him that it's okay.... But It's really not.
What do you think I should do? Have you ever been in this position before?
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Comments (63)
In order to have a balanced love life with your partner, sex must be included. Its a two way street and from what you express here, its one sided. It seems to me that his premature ejaculation is brought on because he's either not concentrating enough or he's just being too self centered. I would say, if he is not willing to see a doctor about his problem, because these things are treatable, maybe its time you look for another man who can offer you a balanced love life.
Have him get you off with his fingers, mouth, and/or toys before he engages in sex with you or have him get you as close as possible to an orgasm if you don't want to get completely off before he can put his penis inside you.
This is an extremely easy problem to fix. Stop telling him that it's okay when it's not. Tell him what's wrong and work on a solution together. If he doesn't want to help you get off, drop him since you're already contemplating it. If both parties aren't willing to fix what's broken, it's only going to get worse and you'll start resenting each other more and more.
The guy that I was with only lasted like three minutes and I never had an orgasm. People wouldn't think so, but it can really ruin things because it frustrated me that he never gave me one and he finished everytime. I don't think that your boyfriend has PE though, that's when they last like 20 seconds or blow before penetration.
There are ways to give and receiveorgasm without intercourse. In fact many women don't even orgasm from just intercourse.
I am sure he is embarrassed about his problem. I would let him know he isn't alone and that you would like him to get some help for his own sake and yours so that you both can enjoy a more satisfying sex life. Try and be understanding and non judgmental, he obviously can't help it. And maybe he will be more comfortable with getting some help if he knows he can satisfy you in other ways.
I agree with the above commenter (EyesPainter). I think its obvious that bringing this up can get a guy angry...but at the same time, he really should be willing to go see a doctor. There might be mental or physical reasons that can be cured or improved.
I guess you need to determine how important sex is in your life. I mean, I know of people that are with people that don't/can't have sex for a variety of reasons and they are still with that person even through the lack of sex. I also know a girl that is in a similar situation, but she is happier than her last bf who she said the sex was great but that was about it. And I know a lot of girls that say they've never had an orgasm through intercourse, they have to get it with oral, or maybe even just by themselves....so these girls tell me that they don't even like sex to go longer than 20 or 30 mins as they aren't gonna get off anyways and it doesn't feel as good after 30 mins (I don't know, thats just what they say).
But my point is, you just have to figure out what you want in a guy....and then take whatever course is necessary. A lot of people will advise you to break up or stay together ....but really, since noone knows what your bf is like, and what your relationship is like, only you can weigh out all the pros and cons and make the decision.
You should definitely talk to him about it if it upsets you so much. As people have already stated there's other ways to have an orgasm and most women don't finish from just sex. Other types of stimulation are required for most women. Just talk to him about it in a non confrontational way. I wouldn't tell him it's ruining your relationship because that could hurt his feelings and ego, but just tell him that it's something that you think needs improvement in your relationship. You could always give him ways on how to work on it by helping you finish after he does or before he does through other methods. Sex isn't the only way to have an orgasm.
He has to change something. He needs to get you off before he gets off. Foreplay works. He could also get you off after he gets off, but obviously that would take a level of motivation that I doubt he has, based on the fact that he's spent the past year and seven months NOT getting you off.
My boyfriend apparently used to have this problem and it bothered him a lot (mainly because he's a perfectionist) and he worked on it with his exes and by the time he got around to me he's basically a sex god. I'm sure it helps that I'm multi-orgasmic and madly in love with him, but he basically makes sure he gets me off at least three times every time we have sex.
It's awesome. Your boyfriend can give you one orgasm. You've been waiting long enough for this to change.It's time for him to make it up to you.If he has to do research or you guys have to watch porn together to get more comfortable, whatever. Do whatever it takes. It sounds like you obviously really want your relationship to work. Now he needs to show you that he feels the same way.
it often takes at least an average of 10 mins to build up to the orgasm, so 5 mins would be a tease that you're getting there, then he stops
1 yr and 7 months is a big tease if I ever heard of one, so I feel your frustration. I would've had a sex toy on the night stand even if it might offend him because he is being selfish and you didn't even get one orgasm this entire time. I mean orgasms aren't necessary for every time that you have sex, but at least one orgasm out of the 1.7yr of sex isn't asking for too much
guys can do things to practice holding it in so they have more control of when they release, but he just seems like he wants to get off and doesn't care about you. then has the audacity to get upset when he gets to orgasm like every time. bad sex with a jerk is horrible and also unacceptable that it would go on for this long and he doesn't even attempt to fix the problem, but makes you feel bad for it. I think you're too patient and caring and he doesn't deserve you, imo.
Tell him to see a doctor. If he refuses then the problems will probably continue, and lead to a break up.
I think a doctor's visit is in order. I'm sure they have medication to help him last longer. PreEjaculation is nothing to be ashamed of - some people do it because they can't help it, of course. So you shouldn't blame him though I know it's difficult if he can't give you an orgasm while you two are having sex (trust me, I know).
My husband can't give me an orgasm - I'm not sure why. He can last a long time, but I get orgasms from clitoral stimulation rather than a penis in my vagina and the elusive "g-spot." Maybe you should try toys, or a vibrating cock ring - cock rings actually help guys last longer, so you could test some of those out. He could orally stimulate you, or even use his fingers. There are other ways of getting an orgasm.
though penal stimulation on the g-spot is probably the best, though I can't speak from experience. My husband and I make our sex life work. We are both equally pleased after we have sex.
don't people progressively last longer the more they have sex?
I don't think it's technically premature ejaculation unless the semen comes out before he reaches orgasm. If he's just orgasming really fast, well, that's a dude for you. Women take up to 20 mins to reach full arousal. The optimal time for a human male is about 2-5 minutes, based on nature's standards. Get some desensitizing condoms? Or tell him to jerk off really slowly to condition? Or tell him to "warm you up" before putting it in the oven?
lol what a great title.you should've brought this up to him and had him do something about it. 5 min is pathetic. there's a british pornstar called kenny something that has a video for stamina. he says he learned \mental strategies during his military training that helped him become a marathon man while boinking 20 times a day during his work. anyway, if he's to be a good bf, he better learn to please his woman.
Anyone who's been a frequent listener to loveline over the years can tell you. A great percentage of women will not orgasm from intercourse. Second of all, 5 minutes isn't all that premature. I'm not saying it's a long time, but it's not that short if we're talking of 5 minutes of straight pumping. Sorry, blunt.(That's what she said.) Here's what I wanted to say. Men like to please their woman. Tell him what you want. I guarantee he'll be willing to help.
Pretty much what they all said. You can have him just finger you, use toys, eat you out, etc until you have an orgasm, or get close and then have him get inside you to have you cum. There are ways to extend his sex time through practice, though he may not be up for it. Not to mention male kegal exercises which are really simple to do and are supposed to increase stamina/endurance to keep the guy from orgasming too fast. If it really is a condition sort of thing then he should see a doctor to find out what he can do. Definitely let him know that it is a problem though, he may get mad and upset about you 'blaming' him for never having an orgasm, which is probably already bothering him, but he should know that it really does effect you and it isn't just ok.
Yeah, well if he doesn't want to talk about the issue, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. if he actually wants to help, then he should try other venues of sex. is it that you never had an orgasm before or that he has never given you one? if its that you never had one, then masturbation and oral sex are you best friend. if he is willing. its normally the first thing i do in a relationship, and yeah it works really... really well.
There are dfeinitely ways around this...just search online for the method to help with premature ejaculation. It involves him touching himself in private...and then eventually becomes you touching him, and you giving him a bj to help him train himself. ^_^ Personally I actually think that sounds kind of sexy and fun.
But yeah I kind of feel you. I have a boyfriend who's maybe 4 inches long I think? Normal thickness. I'm pretty small though, and I am SO satisfied with 5 inches, but with 4 inches, what I think sometimes when he thrusts is "if only it would go a little deeper...it'd feel even better."
T_T but I don't plan on ever telling him because I think that would crush him to tiny bits. Plus, I still get multiple orgasms from sex with him because my vagina is awesome like that. :p
make sure you know how to get yourself off, and then show him how to do it properly. communication is key. if you can't be honest with him about what you want, who can you be honest with? he'll be embarrassed, i'm sure, but remind him that lots of other girls would drop him the moment they found out about his PE. tell him you want to work on it, but insist on actually WORKING on it, not just talking about working on it.
the next time you have sex, make sure he helps you organism. really put the effort in and try your best not to cater to him. focus on you. and if he can't make that sacrifice, drop him. if you both are unexperienced with sex, seek professional help that can show you proper techniques for men with PE. there are ways to keep it going! practice makes perfect.Um, use oral sex or something like that to bring you to orgasm before you guys have sex. There are plenty of ways around this. Yes, both partners need to enjoy sex, but a lot of women find it hard to orgasm from vaginal sex alone - most women need clitoral stimulation for it to actually be truly enjoyable for them.
Just make sure you use a lot of foreplay - oral sex plays a key part in enjoyable sex for most women, so take advantage of it and use it to make you enjoy sex more.
Holy shit. A year and seven months of this?!
The first mistake was telling him that it was okay when it is definitely not. Like others have said, you should probably go see a doctor about it.
And again, like others have said, during that time when you guys are working on the premature ejaculation issue, there are other ways for him to bring you to orgasm such as using his fingers or his mouth.
every guy suffers from this in some way they just dont admit it.
theres a ton of stuff you can do that doesnt result in just doing other stuff
WAYS TO LAST LONGER
have him get the first easy one (or two) out the way, the next ones take longer to get to (if it aches have a painkiller or something- probs best not to do this too often lol)
alcohol helps aswell, i guess you dont wna be drunk every time but still
pinch the tip before it goes in, thatl throw it off for a bit!
gently!! pull the balls down (they raise up just before) benefit is that this can be done without withdrawing, thatl give you abit longer
lube is good, limits how much the Fskin gets stretched (the main way youd get closer as a guy) hopefully doesnt stop girl pleasue too much
i try not to preoccupy the mind, it doesnt look great to be concentrating on something else, but working out math problems is a good way (seriously lol) i work out 1x1, 2x2, 3x3, 4x4, etc. make sure to retain eye contact and look like your having fun lol
but the other side is to get you quicker and better so you could....
explain how girlgasms work, no stopping or you fall "off the cliff" (guys can pick up here they left off btw, even up to an hour later) so no pulling out!
make sure he keeps rhythem and doesnt stop and start alot
and finally, even if he does come to soon just keep going, as a guy im not gna lie it doesnt feel the same (physical good feeling stops, mental doesnt) but with practice you can get 5 minutes out of that alone.
all the best.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - OI AUTHOR! IGNORE ALL OTHER COMMENTS AND READ THE ONE WRITTEN BY THIS GIRL
Agree wholeheartedly. Two sides of the coin, your enabling by saying it is fine, and so he has no inclination to try and help get you off. Other side, he genuinely wants to get you off and hates his own inability, but you saying its fine prevents him broaching the subject.
Talk to him.
Either way the two of you NEED to talk about this. Tis the only way you will work through it. It is your situation, so it is your decision. Do not listen to anyone single, trust me they are single for a reason so what do they know about keeping a relationship.
Everybody is built different so there is no telling as to what the issue is here, but it needs to be discussed. Hell we masturbate during out first encounters to naturally explore our bodies (DONT LIE TO YOURSELF IT HAPPENS) odds are you learned something there he doesn't know about, or vice versa.
If the relationship is this important look at it this way, if he obtained a back injury tomorrow and he lost his penil funtion would that be the end of your relationship? If so it may be a problem on your end. Talk about it...
Im 23, learned alot from this lady...screw a therapist, they cost too much money... http://www.talksexwithsue.com/index2.html
End of rant
Maybe instead of just having him stick it in, maybe he can try arousal with oral or even with his hand. There are girls who can get off with their own hand, so why can't a guy do it? Don't just call it quits if you haven't tried other options yet.
http://www.datingish.com/746704849/a-sincere-message-to-the-ladies/?cuttag=true#cuttaganchor
You may find this helpfull please do not take this as "woman bashing" totally not the case, it was just in my "digest" as well today... thought a few of the tips may help.