Friday, 29 April 2011
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Suddenly Strangers Again
Distance is supposed to make the heart grow fonder. But what about when it doesn't?
The guy I'm seeing (John) said to me the other night that he feels he has to win me over every time we see each other - even after spending just a day apart. I've noticed this too, but perceived it as coming from his end. Either way, it's as though every time we meet, we are suddenly strangers again - and have to spend the initial hour or two re-calibrating to each others' wavelengths. It seems that the more time we spend in each others' company, the better and more instinctively we get along. The more we make sense to each other.
Have you ever had this experience? Does distance make your heart grow fonder, or does it make you feel more removed?
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (18)
That all sounds normal to me. :) May not make it any easier to deal with, but it's a natural process to be going through. Just, you know, stick it out.The more you get to know each other, the less reacquainting will need to be done, but there will always be some, no matter how long you are together.
i think it depends on how far a distance and how much time goes by in said distance.
say i am going to work for a night that my boyfriend has off, i will miss him so much the whole time i am gone and that will make seeing him all the more better. but only because i know it's in the very near future and we are not technically that far away from each other.
when it comes to long distance relationships, i would think the more miles between, the more distant i would feel. unless the two are milllionaires how would they even be able to see each other often?
long distance relationships have NEVER worked for me. but i think it's because things that are far away seem less real to me. but if long distance relationships can work for others i think that's great.
so yeah anyway, i think it makes me feel more removed.
I think it's a good sign that you two are like this. It shows that you are both independent people who can do your own thing...so doing an "us" thing can take a little getting used to. You're not pining over each other in an unhealthy way or changing who you are. I think the longer you are together, the less of a stranger your bf will seem to you. You might still have to recalibrate but it won't feel so awkward.
Distance only makes the heart grow fonder when you're around the other person all the time.
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@kate - srsly.
idk i think its always like that in the beginning; i think its kind of a cute feeling cause you're both all nervous and theres still so much you don't know about each other :). better than being bored and exhausted of your partner, eh?
My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and whenever we see each other it's like nothing has changed. We only see each other every like 5-6 months because we're both slammed with schedules, but we've also been dating for two and a half years and have known each other for almost four years so it's probably a little different. When we first met and started hanging out it was pretty much the same as what you're describing. The more time you spend with someone, the more comfortable you feel around them.
I would worry about this actually. I have friendships where lots of time and distance can elapse between us talking / seeing each other, and when we do talk we don't have this problem.
I'd worry about being in a relationship like this. I think relationships take a lot of work, sure, but there's also a chemistry / connection that shouldn't just disappear and have to be worked on every time.
However the fact that he was able to bring it up to you is a great sign.
if I have that connection with someone, we naturally pick up right where we left off as if we never stopped talking. I usually get these awkward stranger feelings with people that I didn't really have a connection with to begin with.
Depends, have you two just started seeing one another, or have you been together for a year already? If it's the former then that's pretty normal.
Personally I feel more removed but then I have a tendency to get quite self-absorbed/lost in my own mind when alone...not idea what it's like from his perspective. That said, it makes it a lot more exciting to see him (when I haven't in a while) and I look forward to that :)
Removed.
Enough Said.
I've been with my wife for 7 years. Been married for 2, known each other for 12? anywho... the point being that you do not know a person. You have a relationship, you care about him or else you would not be here asking for input. So do not let that fool yourself. the main issue is simply you have not gotten to know each other enough yet to know certain things. My wife and I sit in a room for hours on end somtimes just starring at a wall... nothing to talk about, it happens. It all boils down to how your relationship works. In time you will get to know each other better and there will happen less and less.
Im in the Military, more specifically the USMC, prior to this I worked in a factory where I worked 7 days a week 12 hrs a day on average, sure I lived with her then but I got see her less than I do now. We currently live 6 hrs apart due to training. However, due to the amount of time we have spent with each other through the years, things work differently than they once did.
My point being that time has not taken its course. Eventually, this problem will not exist. But for now it is natures way of helping you get to know each other...
I made a post about this last night! Not on Xanga though.....I'm feeling it :( Removed...stressed..
I have had this loads in my latest relationship. We would see each other for a few days ever 3weeks ish, and the 1st few hours sometimes would be just remembering who we are again as a couple.