What the hell does my title mean you ask? What I’m trying to say is that just because you meet a guy that is nice, it does not mean that the guy is right for you. What the heck am I talking about you wonder? Okay, I’ll explain myself.
So back in February I met this guy while I was having a few drinks with some friends that were in town. I wasn’t drunk or anything, but he caught my eye from where I was sitting and when he looked over, he totally threw me a smile. He walked past my way a couple of times and every time, he flashed that big grin of his. Finally on the third time, he came my way and actually said “Hello,” and he sat down next to me, starting up a conversation.
From that one conversation, we started talking on a regular basis, and hung out every few days when our schedule allowed it. He worked for a big company, and coached and played football so most of his extra time was already accounted for which made "hanging out" any time during the weekend hopeless.
He was a gentleman in my opinion. Opened my car door, complimented me on my outfits, tried to never let me pay for anything (I had to fight him on this one), called me on a regular basis to see how I was doing, and really took a genuine interest in my life as I did his. I remember telling my friends that he was totally “heaven sent,” and he was truly a really nice guy.
As weeks went on though, I knew his schedule was about to get more hectic, because his spring/summer football league that he played in was coming up which meant lots of traveling and not really being around much.
I’m not a needy chica by any means, so I didn’t have a problem with that one bit. But I thought about all the cool things I wanted to do and explore this summer. The picture of us being able to do those things together were not there. His schedule wouldn’t allow it, and I didn’t want another “Weekday Boyfriend.” I wanted someone that I could see on a Saturday or a Sunday if something cool was going on, say... like a music festival or a camping trip.
Carl could definitely not be the “Weekend Boyfriend,” and I could have dealt with that and still dated him, or found someone that did have time in their schedule to do such things.
To make a long story short, we stopped seeing each other in March. I wanted to date someone that I could go out and enjoy activities with, which unfortunately means weekend outings.
Carl was a nice guy, but not the nice guy for me. The point I’m trying to bring home with all of you is that when you start seeing someone,
make sure as you go along that you are not with this guy just because he’s nice (if he is nice), but because this is someone that fits your bill. Never settle! There's a shiny quarter out there for all of us!
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Comments (12)
agreed. just because a guy is nice doesn't mean that I'll like him because personalities vary and if you aren't compatible during conversation, then you aren't, which happens in my usual cases of why I didn't choose the "nice" guy. he's nice and all but sometimes there's something about him that doesn't click with me. this schedule clash reason is also a good reason to consider amongst other important variables.
hmm. i would think there are two issues here. first, if he really, really liked you, he would make the time. although it's great to have something that you are really into (i.e. football), sometimes hobbies must be put aside to allow a chance for something richer.
and second, although there are plenty of fish in the sea, even if a guy is a gentleman, well-spoken, is financially/emotionally stable, etc., sometimes that isn't enough. when i meet a girl, it's not enough that they are funny, smart, well-read, whatnot, i really want to click with them (as porcelain_doll mentions above). and i'm sure you do too.
but finally i would mention that sometimes we have to settle for someone less than absolutely perfect, 'cause perfect is almost impossible to attain. and sometimes we have to take people for what they are, or could be, not for what they lack. as my boss used to say, perfection is the enemy of accomplishment.
cheers.
I just had the exact same thing. they can be 'heaven sent' but if its not what you are looking for you can't stay just because of that ":)
I too don't settle for second best, as far as ladies are concerned. I'll die a lonely man
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@dtothek@xanga - I like what you said c:
AHH! My fiance and I just broke up....and he's the nice guy. Nice guy, friendly, funny, kind of self centered at times but we got along most of the time, just no real SPARK in the relationship. I kind of stayed because HE WAS NICE. I don't doubt that I did love him, but......he was a nice guy, and just that. He didn't get me. I still wonder if we started over, how things would go. I don't know.
@dtothek@xanga - Agreed
I've had girls say they love me because I was like the only person in their life that was nice to them and actually listened to them. Boy, that made for some awkward conversations.
Someone once said to me that if a mate has 80% of what you want in a partner, take that, and make do with the other 20%. I think this is true for the most part. The vast majority of the time things work out, and when they don't (the 20%) you can still fall back on the 80% as cushion.
It really depends how much you are willing to comfortably negotiate (and how much he is too.)@lapis_lazuli917@xanga - & @Hinase@xanga
thanks!
(laughs) hopefully we all find that someone special
I think it depends on what you're settling on. I think to a certain degree there has to be some settling.
Like before my boyfriend and I got together, we lived in separate states, and I knew he was in the Navy, and we'd met in high school and he decided to pursue a relationship with me when he found out I was single.I told my best friend I didn't want to get into a long-distance relationship, but my boyfriend flew to visit me on his dime even though we hadn't even kissed yet. Then he helped pay for a trip for me to go visit him. He always made a huge effort with me. I ended up moving to the state that he lives in, except now he's on deployment with the Navy.So I settled because I don't like Navy life and I didn't want a long-distance thing, but I also got the guy i want to spend the rest of my life with.His time in the Navy won't be forever, and our long-distance won't be forever, but with work from both of us, our relationship will be.It definitely is up to the people in a relationship to make things work, but there will always need to be compromise or "settling" from one or both parties in the relationship.
This entry reminds me of a girl who once said to me, "You're a really nice guy, but...."
It's not as easy to be on the receiving of lines like those, along with "Never settle!" I'm sure "nice girls" (or anyone, really) would feel the same way.
However, you're right in your post -- if the spark's not there for that "nice guy", then that's just how it is. There's nothing he can do.