My boyfriend has a good friend who is female. He talks to her a lot.. it bothered me at first, because he didn't talk about her ever. I finally got him to talk about her, and my boyfriend decided to take me on a road trip with her and some friends. It makes me feel a lot better now that I'm going to meet her. He has a lot of friends that are female, but he doesn't see them often. If he started to hang out with other girls instead of hanging out with me, I would get concerned. But who am I to tell him who he can and can't be friends with? I think that would be too controlling, and eventually would lead him to stray, or just plain leave. As long as communication is open, I'm ok with it.

I have plenty of male friends who don't feel that way about me (that I know of) and who I don't feel that way about.  So I don't care if my hypothetical boyfriend has female friends, as long as he doesn't hit on them and they don't act too flirty towards him.

I believe that men and women CAN be friends.  You can enjoy someone's company and not be attracted to them.  I'm not attracted to every straight male who I can have a conversation with, and there's no way they're all attracted to me.

I actually think the chance of a guy cheating on a girl is increased by a lack of female friendships throughout his life.  When I begin dating a guy who has never had close female friends, it worries me a little bit. It means that their only real interaction and experience with the opposite sex is on the level of a girlfriend, or someone they are sleeping with. It makes me a little wary because I think its massively important to know how to interact with the opposite sex on a non-sexual level - which most friendships are.  Seeing the opposite sex only as a sexual being - someone to date or sleep with - in my mind, makes the chance of cheating more likely.  Not because they are surrounded by girls or have the opportunity, but because if the opportunity DID arise, I believe they would be more likely to succumb to the temptation.

Think about it - If a guy has close female friends, it means that he has probably heard them venting about guys, sharing things they like, as well as their concerns and heartbreak. If a guy with many female friends starts cheating on his girlfriend, it is usually the female friends who would be the first to chastise this behavior - not condone it.

What you need to determine, is if the "female friends" are really FRIENDS. I have seen many guys insist that they have female "friends", but really they just enjoy the attention of girls who have a crush on them. Its these type of girls (and "friendships") that you should be worried about.  A true friend is just that, a friend.  The best way to reassure yourself is to meet this girl. If she's really his friend, she should be happy to meet you, and chances are (if he thinks you're both great people) there is no reason that you two shouldn't get along.

First of all... Don't base your ideas about relationships on TV shows. That's just a bad idea.

But, I agree that it is very difficult for straight guys and girls to be friends. I have one guy friend since I got married, and before I was engaged, I had thought that all of my guy friends were real friends. Not the case. It works because neither of us are sexually attracted to the other, and we don't spend a lot of time alone. My husband has one old friend who's a girl who I'm okay with, because she always invites us to things as a couple.

As for having your heart broken and then being worried about your new man doing the same thing, yes, that is a valid worry. I say this because most people tend to date certain "types" that appeal to them. So the thing to do is figure out what traits, exactly, were the ones that ended up breaking your heart, and avoid guys who do the same things. Was it a fear of commitment? Disloyalty? Lying? You get the idea. Best of luck!

@EccentricSiren@xanga - My problem is that my boyfriend confessed to a female friend of his that she was attractive and the girl told him, he was attractive as well. Should I be worried? 

Well, I have a lot of close friends that are girls. I have had girlfriends that had close guy friends. And I trusted them. And we had successful relationships. It's a matter of who is involved.

I'd be more worried if my boyfriend didn't have any female friends. My boyfriend has two close (female) best friends, and two close (male) best friends, which is the same as me. I'm not worried about it. I trust him and even if one of his friends tries something with him, I trust that he'll say "No, I'm taken", and that will be that.

@Sinful_Soul1@xanga - haha, thanks! I think one important thing to have is communication. If he has female friends, suggest you all hang out together so that you can meet them and get to know what they're like. Just make sure you have a good line of communication between you both about friends of the opposite sex, and return the favour with him. If he wants to meet your male friends, let him. It'll make him feel better to have some kind of friendship with your opposite sex friends, too!

@WaitingToShrug@xanga - No, you're not harsh at all. I can't get my feelings hurt over the truth. & I agree with you! Why would he tell that to her? and Why would she say that to him? (She has seen me a couple times before) I get that we all have feelings of attractions towards multiple people of the opposite sex but I personally thought they crossed the line by telling that to each other. I'm just glad he was even honest enough to tell me this. Most men would hide that from their girlfriends. I just dont want to sit here on my ass, thinking all is good and next thing you know, he left me for another woman. 

In most cases, guys and girls can't be friends without there being *at some point* some type of attraction. BUT THIS IS NOT TRUE ALL THE TIME. My best friend is a male, and we've been best friends since late Elementary school. Neither one of us have EVER been attracted to each other. I dated his friends and he dated mine but we never, ever dated or talked about dating each other. It's gross to think about - he's literally my brother. When I got pregnant he started calling himself "Uncle Cory".

My fiance is now best friends with him and he's actually going to be my fiances best man at our wedding. It works if you honestly mean that there has never and will never be an attraction. AND if you're partner can be friends with that person.

regular female friends, who he has never been in a relationship nor hooked up with, who are platonic friends, ok.

ex-gf as close friends, no way.

but that's just me.

My best friend is a guy.  My boyfriend's best friend is a girl.  My best friend and I dated for 3 weeks in 8th grade and that was the end of that "attraction."  That was a long, long time ago.  7 and a half years if you want to get technical.  There are no lingering feelings and there haven't been, again, for a very long time.  As for my boyfriend, he has never had feelings for his best friend and since they've been friends for years and years I highly doubt feelings would develop now.  They see each other as brother and sister more than anything.  He is completely comfortable with me and my best friend being best friends, and he actually really likes my best friend and they get along fantastically and look forward to getting to see each other and chill (I'm in an LDR).  I've never met his best friend, but I trust my boyfriend 100% and I trust his ability to gauge the status of his friendships.  In the time we've been together, he has walked away from a few different friendships because they were not the kind of relationships he wanted to have - both with male and female friends.  So I feel completely comfortable with his friendship with his female best friend. 

I know that our viewpoints and positions are unique and even rare, but it really frustrates me when people say guys and girls can't be "just friends."  Because I am proof that yes, we can.  So is my boyfriend.  My boyfriend and I have a completely healthy functional relationship full of trust and honesty and love and we both have a best friend of the opposite sex. 

I agree that sexual attraction occurs between people and those they find attractive of their sexual orientation. Its not something you can switch off. However, it generally wears off over time. The longer you know someone, the less likely anything will happen. I think objective evidence supports this, feel free to find a study that states the opposite. So if these 'best friends' have been around a while, you don't have much to worry about. Besides, even if people are sexually attracted to each other, the risk is most often not worth the reward. People would rather avoid the idea of the destruction of their social networks and reputation. Our cognitive brains generally overpowers our primal instincts anyway (though a few beers can change this ). I say this despite a fairly large fraction of the population admitting to cheating on their partner (though I don't think its a majority). But I think this cheating does not occur with long term best friends, but rather new people (like escorts ).