Wednesday, 27 April 2011
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The Flipside of the "Typical" Threesome Issue
So I'm fairly new to the blogging world, but after reading through Datingish I said why not give it a shot here? I've seen a few about threesomes and the troubles of feeding into your lover's fantasy of it. I on the other hand, seem to be the flip-side of the coin. I'm the female who wants it, and not with two guys, but rather inviting another female in.I am in a very loving relationship with a man I care deeply about. But (of course there's always a but) in this situation I'm the one who would like to give it a shot. I've done it before in a previous relationship, but it was the guy's idea and in order to get myself to go through with it when the time came, drinks were definitely in order.
I surprised myself and I actually enjoyed it. The guy I'm with now is a pretty open person when it comes to the bedroom. Not to mention he's amazing in bed so it's not like I'm trying to compensate for anything he's lacking. My problem is multi-layered.
Do I even entertain the idea in my head further? Do I tell him about my thoughts? And if so, how?
It's a really touchy issue, and I would hate for it to change things.
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- From: MindIntheStars@xanga
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- About Me: I am 22. My friends and family are my life are my life. I wish life didn't go by so fast. I want to live for ever but I do understand the fact that everyone dies some just quicker than others. I am addicted to music. I LOVE to have fun! Relationships are tough. Work sucks. Only 45 more years to go. I always get into trouble for stupid shit but come out laughing harder than ever. I like to do stuff others would only think about. But I would not say I am a very courageous person. I absolutely positively LOVE food and cooking! I like to sing in the shower. I may not be popular with an abundance of friends but the ones I do have I hold close. I am loud and funny. Loving and silly. I like to admit it but, things are changing fast. I love being artsy and playing in the rain. Sleepovers and silly rages with friends are pretty cool too. The macarena is old but fun when your drunk. I hate where I live but love my life. Liars, people that are fake and people who talk a lot of shit are a waste of
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Comments (16)
I say bring it up. Make sure he realizes this isn't a make-or-break the relationship deal, and also point out that you aren't looking to shore up for his deficits in bed. Maybe the way to start bringing it up would be, on a night out, to point to a girl and semi-jokingly say "how about we include her in bed?" or something to that effect. Does he already know that you are attracted to women to an extent?
I could never do it. 3-somes are not my thing. Two women at once? I have a hard enough time with one woman and I try not to do that very often either. Perhaps with Natalie Gulbis and Paula Creamer it might be magical but...like that is ever gonna happen.
@GodlessLiberal@xanga - This.
Everyone's entitled to their fantasies. Let him know that it's something you'd like to give a shot just because, and see what he says. I'm crossing my fingers for you that he's, as Dan Savage says, GGG.I wouldn't have a threesome, not fair since there is either two females and one male or vice versa. I'd consider a foursome, so he picks one female and I pick one male, or that would just be swingers:D I wouldn't want his penis to touch me after he's touched her with it, because I'm straight, and I'd be disgusted of the bodily fluids mixing/swapping via mouth and ugh~ it would be like sloppy seconds since I'm sharing the guy. no way. it might work for others though. share your fantasies and see what each other likes or is okay with.
I'd feel less competent if another woman were included in a threesome with my boyfriend and I. Don't like the thought of him enjoying someone else besides me. Sure, I get attracted to different men- but my boyfriend says he doesn't want me sleeping with anyone else, STD-free or not.
I've been in the same situation, I also suggested MFF though I'd love MMF instead. Anyway, he's the very...committed?-I don't know how to describe it, type, and rejected the idea and was kind of offended. Be careful if your boyfriend is similar, and make sure to specify that you like having sex with him, and that it's merely to add a little spice to that, I dunno.
i would bring it up .
I would bring it up. Communication is key. :)
I'd actually love to have a threesome, but not while any of the included is in a relationship. I don't want to share my boyfriend, and I wouldn't want to be in on another couple's relationship either.
I would tell him its a fantasy, but leave it up to him about whether it happens or not.
I could never do that with someone I was in a relationship with. It doesn't make sense to me; I couldn't sacrifice my emotions, insecurities, etc. for just one night of fun.
If you don't want things to change, don't do it. A threesome will always change things. And if your boyfriend doesn't want to do it, let it drop.
My personal opinion is that the relationship will probably fall apart.
It wouldn't hurt to let him know its something you're curious about trying. Does he know that you've done it once before in a past relationship? Did it change/affect anything about that past relationship?
Worst case, he'll say he's not interested and maybe feel a little insecure, in which case you should let it drop and reassure him how much you love and enjoy being with just him.
If he's interested, its really important to talk about the "rules" beforehand, especially what the role of the third girl is. Each of you might have different comfort levels when it comes to a threesome, and the purpose of the third girl is important to determine beforehand. Is she going to be there, pleasing him with you? Will you allow him to have sex with her? Go down on her? Or will the focus be more on him being intimate only with you, while you are intimate with her? Or would you both focus on pleasing her? I think knowing what turns each of you on about the scenario is important, in order to know if it will work within your relationship.
As with everything, honesty and communication is key! Good luck...
You think that's an issue? Try attempting to "eiffel tower" blitzed on Jim Beam... http://mdongivin.mancouch.com/731964256/the-devils-threesome/
Go for it...why not? =)
@KickDrumHeart - this. and I see sex as a very personal, loving thing. Nature intended (especially with humans) for us to mate, and for a bond to be formed between the mates, as with apes and otherwise, so we can successfully raise a child with two parents. It's just how it works. And no bashing- cause I do know a lot of strong single parents! But love is very much in tune to nature. And sex is very much in tune to love as a means to the success of the offspring.
I could never have a threesome. While it might seem cool and sexually gratifying, and even I sometimes have thought about it in a fantasy setting, I could never actually go through with it. Remember, people, things rarely work out like a porno! I've heard it be great for people, and I've heard it ruin relationships. But if you have any trepidation at all, I generally don't think that it's a good idea. It seems to work well where the lines are well-drawn...but, eh, no. My boyfriend has mentioned it before. But we've both agreed that it is nothing more than a fantasy and would not wrk out well in real life and that neither of us would be comfortable acting on it. We've been together three years and been best friends for over four and think exclusivity is ideal for is.
I'm craving insane one-on-one sex like seven times a day anyway, and can't seem to get enough of my boyfriend as it is. To have to share his attention? Or take my time to focus on someone else other than my boy? Eff that. I'd be a bad threesome partner.
ask him how he feels about it; how hard is that? if he's not for it, than let it go, and if he is for it, lucky you!
I think you should bring it up, but if he doesn't want to do it, then whatever you do, DON'T PUSH IT.
I'm currently in a relationship with a guy who want a threesome. And by "wants", I mean he treats it like it's his life goal, like everything depends on it. I'm not into stuff like that and would never want to, but he keeps pushing the issue on me, keeps trying to convince me to do it. It makes me insanely insecure, because I always notice him checking out other suitable women. And my self-esteem has hit rock bottom, because I feel like I'm just not good enough on my own.
So, like I said, bring it up...but, don't try to force him. It'll do much more damage than you think.