Sunday, 24 April 2011
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Meet Me in the Bathroom
It was about one in the morning at the bar where I work when a female customer, who'd been drinking Red Devils all night, motioned me over and brought her mouth unusually close to my ear.
"I just have to say that I think you're really cute," she said. "Have you ever considered women, or are you straight?"
Oh, hey! I told her I was flattered and that I thought she was beautiful, but that sadly I was straight, and she took it very gracefully.
Two hours later, at my boss's direction, I brought a tray of free shots to another table across the bar, whereupon another woman announced the following with the kind of volume usually reserved for sporting events:
"Unless you're about to let me eat you out in the bathroom right now, please don't bring any more shots."
Whoa there! Point taken! No more shots! ... If only because the bathrooms are so nasty by 3am. Hahahahaha.
But for serious. At the time of these incidents I found them flattering and kind of hilarious, because they came from women, and everyone knows women typically have better taste than men. But after the fact, when thinking about the second one, I realized that if a man had said the same thing to me, I might very well have had him thrown out of the bar.
Why was I willing to tolerate the same thing from a woman that I would find offensive coming from a man? Is it because I didn't want to appear homophobic, or did I genuinely find it less offensive coming from a woman? If it's the latter, why is this the case?
Have you ever caught yourself perpetuating a double standard? Why do you think we are willing to tolerate different things from different people?
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (13)
I don't take offense easily. I would have been just as flattered if a man had told me that as if a women had. Thats just how I live though.
haha, this made me laugh.
no, i think the reason you feel that way is because as women, we normally feel safer with our own gender. just think about it this way- there are female rapists in the world, but if we're on our own walking the streets at night, it's the men we're looking out for, because they're more likely to attack us.. or at least we think they are.
maybe it's just because we're female and understand the female mindseta bit better.. either way, if a guy shouted that out to me at a bar i'd be a little more worried than if a woman were to do it.
Gender doesn't matter to me. Physical attractiveness does. It's shallow, but if a hot man/woman said those things to me, I'd tolerate it and find it flattering. An ugly man/woman says something like that to me I'll find it vulgar and offensive. Sad and shallow, but it's true.
Speaking as a male who works in a bar, I guess we can learn to adapt to it. Consider it as banter, but I guess the line of where banter ends is down to how far can you take banter before it turns offensive. Of course, I've never had a guy go up to me like how you did, but I have had women do that and I politely refused, mostly because I was shy...
Back to your question, I don't think I really had a double standard, considering that it hasn't actually happened to me... maybe if it did happen then I would, but knowing me... I'll just take it as a compliment from both genders.
Hope that helps!
I think it's because you lady fair, have a tendency to assert multiple contradictory positions. This is why feminism will never be taken seriously.
It's natural to not take things the same sex say as seriously as the opposite sex. It can easily be misconstrued as "banter" or whatever. Gay jokes fly around all the time, yet if you said "why don't you suck my cock" to a women you could be accused of sexual abuse. It's probably why you weren't shocked. Personally I would probably just through something back at them, as I have had this when working at a bar, and since I fish for tips I would have just pointed out someone incredibly attractive and run away....
This was hilarious! I can't recall how many women I've been with in a bathroom.
the second yelling woman wasn't meant to be a compliment but she meant that she doesn't have that much money to give you as tips since she already spent around $200-500 to reserve the table, so bringing her so many free shots will probably not be compensated with generous tips to your liking since it isn't really free shots due to the tips
anyway, I agree with another commentor about how physical attractiveness plays a role in my reaction to their comments. when a hot guy says something sexual to me, I'll probably blush
when an ugly guy says it, I'll be disgusted and start to zip my jacket higher or get my phone ready to dial 911 if he makes another move:D
teehee
It's not a double standard exactly.
For some of us an unwanted come-on is more offensive if there is some temptation involved.
In my case, if a gay guy hits on me, I just laugh it off.
If a woman comes on to me, no matter how not interested I may be, physically I am interested. It's much more traumatic turning down a woman. (Perhaps because it happens more when you don't want it!)
trust me, nobody can't tolerate having a stranger (man) tells you they're going to eat you out...especially if you're a dude yourself.
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http://www.shoes4world.com/
I would have taken offense whether it was a man or a woman making those kinds of comments towards me....