Friday, 22 April 2011
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Promise Ring
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a couple of weeks. My last relationship ended badly and I want to go slow. But he must not be getting the message because he already gave me a promise ring. I accepted it because I care about him a lot. But I'm still uncomfortable so I wear it on a chain around my neck with the pendant that my best friend since I was four, who died last year, gave me. I would die for that pendent. My boyfriend is mad at me about it even though the ring is still too small and it's on the necklace that I would die for. I don't know why he's so mad about it, I mean I'm still wearing it and it's closer to my heart.Do you think he's being stupid or is he right to be mad about it?
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- From: Breezy
- Name: Breezy
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Comments (62)
I think he's taking it as "she's not wearing it on her finger so she probably doesn't feel as strong about me as I do her" thus his reason for lashing out.
But if it really is too small to wear, if you sincerely can not put it on and off without struggle, then he needs to relax.
Talk to him better. He wants to move fast and you don't. If he can't slow it down and you can't handle him going so fast then there will be problems.
He's being stupid. Promise rings are stupid, period. My boyfriend and I refuse to ever buy one and we're waiting for him to give a ring to me for my engagement ring if that happens.
It's really weird that he gave you something like that only two weeks in. I mean I never understood promise rings in the first place, but to some people they are really meaningful, so... yeah. Too soon for that.
If you just don't want to wear it on your finger because you're not ready to receive it, I think you should give it back and be honest with him. Otherwise it's just going to create more problems down the road (he will keep questioning you, etc.).
I've recieved one promise ring before.. 3 months later we broke up, and I ended up with a $400 ring that he never asked for back. I still have it, and it's beautiful, I don't wear it though.
After that experience, I have come to the conclusion that promise rings are silly.. Would I accept one in the future? Probably.. but I wouldn't place much emphasis on it.
However, I do think it is strange that your boyfriend decided to give you one after a couple of weeks, I think he is being silly, especially if the ring doesn't even fit.
I think it is way to early in a relationship to be giving out a promise ring, but thats just my opinion. I think him being angry about something like this is silly, your still wearing it and if he wanted it on the finger then he should make sure it fits. However, i would question why he wants your relationship to move so fast and what his motivations are if he is getting angry over something like this, this early into your relationship
if the promise ring is too small.. then it's not your problem is it?
just tell him that the ring is too small & either get a bigger size or deal with it on your necklace...or you dont want to wear it at all?
Yikes...that sounds like a huge red flag, to be honest. He sounds like he could be pretty possessive, and it could lead to bigger troubles later on. If you made it clear to him that you want to take it slow, two weeks is WAY too soon for a promise ring, and he should be able to respect that. Not to mention the fact that the ring doesn't even fit. Your concerns sound totally legit to me, and if he can't come to terms with them, you two need to have a serious talk about this. It could be a misunderstanding, or it could be something worse. You don't want to end up in a controlling relationship, trust me.
he's being stupid, at lease you have the ring on you all the time, shouldnt matter if it on ur fingers or necklace
To be honest, he sounds a little crazy. It sounds like he has the opposite feelings you do. Maybe he's had relationships that have not been as close or not progressed as quickly and he really likes you and wants to sort of... claim you. I don't consider that very healthy, especially considering you've expressed you're not into that. Talk to him about how you feel about it, and that you think it's sweet (or whatever you think) that he gave you a ring but that you're not ready to take claim to whatever that ring means to him. Two weeks is FAST.
Tell him to chill out. You've only been dating for a few weeks. He can't blame you if you aren't falling as fast as he is.
Get it resized. Sometimes two weeks isn't too bad, but if you're uncomfortable let him know.
@missayycee@xanga - I agree.
@radhippiequotes@xanga - I also agree. I always thought they were silly as well. I'd rather get an engagement ring from my bf than some promise ring.
My ex bought me a promise ring after 2 months. I was madly in love, so I took it. 4 months later he broke my heart. So I'm sorry but, promise rings don't mean shit.
uuuuuuuuh. lame
Frankly, he's being dumber than shit. You've only been dating a few weeks, I think it's way too soon to be giving promise rings, which a stupid to begin with. However, to each his own on that one. And he's mad that you're not wearing it on your finger even though, and I'm assuming he knows, he knows it doesn't fit.
You ought to tell him how you feel about it. If he can't handle it any better than he is, he probably isn't worth it.
May I ask, what ethnicity is he? Promise rings could have multiple meaning to different people.
So very Donna and Eric.
sometimes, what may not seem important/that big of a deal to you, may be the complete opposite for others, mainly because you guys see things differently. but i do question/worry about the idea of a promise ring a couple weeks into your relationship.. perhaps he really likes you a lot already, but i don't know.. it seems a bit too early for a ring or anything of that matter.
sounds like sex and the city.
If it's too small, I'd ask him to get it sized--but to fit your middle finger. There's less connotations associated with that and he would be happy cuz you'd be wearing it. If you don't want to tell him that you want it sized to fit your middle finger, just find out what ring size your middle finger is and tell him to size it to that... without pointing out which finger you're sizing it to.
I only know of one promise ring that makes sense, and it's applied to the base of my member, in which, the only promise it keeps, is to vibrate and stimulate the clitoris.
I never understood promise rings anyway, but he really needs to slow things down. You've only been dating two weeks, and you've already told him that you don't want to rush into things at all. If he can't accept that, it's going to cause a lot of problems later on. I've been with my boyfriend nearly four months, and we're still finding things out about each other, and I'd completely freak out if he gave me anything like that!
Tell him he needs to respect your wishes, and if he can't do that, you probably shouldn't be with someone who can't come to terms with what you want.
Yikes. A couple of weeks and we are already buying promise rings? I'm not afraid of commitment, but that definitely weird and highschool-y. I'd probably be ready to run away.
@Kill_GaryLarson@xanga - lol thats what i thought
but uh, a couple weeks, you want to take it slow, and instead he's already gotten you a promise ring - and then gotten impatient that you're not already wearing it? i would honestly be worried that he's over-controlling at this point, he has no right to dump all that on you, especially when you've been very honest and clear about where you stand...
I think he is being too pushy about it, and is not understanding your reasons for not putting it on. And undermines the importance the pendant actually means to you. Promise are rings are nice thoughts, but silly at such an early age and so early in a relationship.