Feelings of jealousy in a relationship in my opinion are normal. However, what really counts is the way people act on these feelings that they are having. I was dating this guy a couple of years back (we were out having dinner), and a female friend of his came up to him and they embraced in this great big hug. He introduced us and they chatted for a minute and then she was off.
I remember after she left I said something like, “ You’ve never hugged me liked that before.” My boyfriend looked at me with a tiny grin on his face and kissed me on my forehead and said “Aaw that’s cute, you’re jealous.” I totally came back with “No I’m not,” but we both knew that for that split second I had been.
I was for a couple of reasons. She was (A) Tall and gorgeous, and most importantly (B) She knew him longer than I had which meant she knew more about him. I realized when I first started dating my ex that he had a lot of female friends, and sometimes I felt a tad jealous. Those feelings went away pretty quickly, and I didn’t get all Othello (aka crazy) on him, and didn’t think of those girls in any way other than
just his friends.
If you don’t know the back-story on Othello written by Shakespeare, let me give you the reader’s digest version. Basically Othello thinks that his wife Desdemona is having a love affair with this guy Cassio which isn't the case at all, but there is this other character Lago who wants to break up Othello’s marriage with Desdemona so he frames Cassio, and plants all of these thoughts in Othello’s head to make him jealous. He thinks his wife is a dirty whore, and calls her out on it. When she is lying in bed he smothers her to death before she even gets the chance to tell him what’s really going on. Craziness!
Jealousy - When it’s OKIf you are feeling like your boyfriend or girlfriend always seems to be having a great time with a member of the opposite sex, tell them how you feel. I see that this kind of jealousy happens the most with couples. Either the girl has guy friends she likes to hang out with or the guy has female friend he likes to spend time with.
You could say something like, “Hey I know you really like that girl/guy, but sometimes I wonder if you’d rather spend time with him/her than with me?" That’s being open and honest. This is showing that you are accepting reassurance, or letting them know how you feel but not getting all crazy and accepting the fact that your significant other can choose their own friends, and can talk to whomever they want to.
Jealousy - When it's crossed the lineBeing that boyfriend or girlfriend who becomes demanding of all their significant others time, and constantly wanting to know where they are and who they're with when they are not in your presence. This is not OK: Telling your guy or gal who they can and cannot talk to, and accusing them of constantly flirting or cheating. This is going to drive you in a crazy fit of rage, and before you know it- Boom you will have fallen off the deep end in the crazy abyss of jealousy. This behavior is not a sign of love, but control. Don’t be that person!
So ladies and gentlemen if you find yourself in a relationship where jealousy has crossed the line, get out... and get out fast! And if you are one of these people that cross the line with their jealousies then you need to fix it, and fix it fast!
Have you ever been in a jealous relationship that became way out of control?
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Comments (15)
I definitely agree with all of this~!! Trust and honesty towards the other ties into everything, this being a wonderful example.
A male friend I haven't spoken to since around last year [We liked each other on/off for the past..8 years? Never got together though.], we stopped talking because his girlfriend was jealous of me, where I played online games with her boyfriend, spending more time with him, and she didn't. :/ After many events, I decided to just let her have it her way and stop talking to him. We're still best friends though! :)
But the thing is, you still have to be aware. >.< My ex broke up with me to get with one of the girls I was jealous of! I don't mind though; it was his choice.
I can't say that I have personally, but I've had friends that have had that problem with their partners. In the end, the relationships ended badly.
“Hey I know you really like that girl/guy, but sometimes I wonder if you’d rather spend time with him/her than with me?"...No offense but what the fuck kind of question is that?! It seems like a childish question to ask somebody...Thats just my opinion though. If my boyfriend asked me that, i'd question if he trusted me at all. My best friend in the entire world is a guy and if my SO can't handle that, then he can gtfo....
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - *high five* Exactly what I was thinking...not the best example "open" and "honest"...
I do not like the feeling of jealousy whatsoever and I do not find it cute on anybody. I'd obviously understand if somebody is jealous but it really bothers me when it's being vented out in such a negative manner. But overall, I hate that emotion the most because it's so draining. I'd rather trust a person as openly as possible and live the best way I could without that burden and if in the end there is betrayal or loss of trust, then so be it. I think the reason I am like this is because I've met many people who are crazy jealous and I for one get jealous for selfish reasons and not necessarily mistrust or lack of reassurance.
Jealousy sucks. I can think rationally about why there's no reason to be jealous but my emotions tell my rationality to stfu. Maybe it has to do with the fact all my past boyfriends weren't fully committed to me. Or maybe I'm just a jealous person to begin with.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - That would depend if I'm just dating a person or in a relationship with them. I've lived with each guy I was in a long term relationship with though, so I probably wouldn't ask that haha. More like, "Why the fuck do you need to spend time with her by yourself? Wtf are you saying and doing with her that you can't do with me? I've smelled your shit. We've shared a lot." I could care less if we were just dating though. It's more of a respect thing for me. I get it. You really like your friend, but you're telling me you love me and that I'm your best friend now.
I like this post. My ex had several female friends. His two best friends were one of his exes that he said they'd never really done anything, even though she named her baby after him hahaha. The other was one that he made out with, but said they had more of a brother and sister relationship. Uh, what?
Me and my boyfriend are both the jealous types. We are in good company :D. It's easy for us to decide what's crossing the line since we are both on the same page.
My boyfriend is the least jealous person I know. I can tell him I'm hanging out with some guy, and he'll say "Ok, have fun". It boggles my mind. He says he is just very trusting. I'm slowly becoming less jealous, but I have to at least know who the person is that he's hanging out with. In my opinion, if you aren't telling your SO who you're hanging out with, especially if they're of the opposite sex, you're hiding something.
My boyfriend and I have set limits for each other on what we think is okay with the opposite sex. We are both uncomfortable with the idea of the other spending time with the opposite sex alone. When you think about it, that's a date. We don't care about each other being around the opposite sex with a group of friends though. I think when you have a serious relationship, it's not okay to just go out and hang out with the opposite sex, but I definitely think it's different if you're just "dating."
Ugh shoot. You've just described me- haha I've gone into the crazy abyss of jealousy.
I agree with this for the most part, except "wanting to know where they are and who they're with"
I don't think that's controlling.. I mean, especially as the relationship gets more serious. my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 years now, if we didn't spend a night together and he wouldn't tell me what he did or who he was with it would just be kind of weird.... haha
i do agree with this and i dont know if im crossing the line but i feel bad about myself when i get jelous, i start telling myself, no thats stupid hes just got friends of the opposite sex hes just more social than you. :( when i think about him being so close to female friends it does make me a little jelous but i dnt say anything cause he can have friends i mean whatever about that, but like he askd me if he could have my bestfriend go 2 his house, and i felt rlly bad saying no even tho i do trust him and i trust my best friend, but i just dont like the idea of them two being alone. im glad he asked me but i just dunno why he couldnt have thought about what would he think if the situation was the other way around... and hes got this friend who i swear hes only known for like a month or 2 and hes getting her a souvegnir from mexico and hes said hes to her that they shud hang out nd get hyper on energy drinks with this other friend they both know. i dont wanna say anything i hate saying when i feel jelous and i cant tell if im going too far i just dunno:[
@dictions@xanga - What? Did you never have friends of the opposite sex before you started being in a relationship with your boyfriend?.
I have been a girl that always got along better with guys then I do girls. It's just the way it is. I would be friendless if I gave up all my guy friends. Yes, some of them liked me at one time or another, or I liked them, but that is in the past.
I'm not giving up some of my best friendships because it's technically a 'date'. No, a date is when both people have feelings for each other, have expressed that, and have set a meeting in order to get to know each other better to see if they'd be compatible dating.
You can defend yourself however you want, but I do not think that you and your SO completely trust each other. The fact that you've decided that you can't be friends with certain people even though those individuals may be the best friends you've ever had is kind of out of this world. There is something deeper hidden in your message to each other by setting these rules.