Wednesday, 20 April 2011
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Why Her?
A little background:At a diner one day, my boyfriend and I bump into a mutual... acquaintance? that we both previously met at some party my coworker threw. No words were exchanged, all we did was wave hi to her from a distance as she walked to her table with her friends. After eating my meal, I got up to go to the bathroom. As I came out, I noticed someone sitting in my seat and realized it was that girl sitting in my seat, leaning forward, talking to my boyfriend.
As I'm getting closer to the table, she looks at me, gets up and then walks away without saying anything. I don't know about you guys, but I felt like that was very shady of her. I asked my bf what she wanted and he told me she was just saying what's up.I got a weird vibe from her and also told him that what she did kind of threw me off. He agreed that it wasn't cool of her and told me that he would be mad if a guy came up and did that to me.
So, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about something completely irrelevant to the story above. We were just fighting a lot and it got to the point where we decided to take a break from each other. The break took two weeks. For two weeks, we called each other every single day attempting to work it out, but we would just end up fighting every time. FINALLY, after work this past weekend, he calls me and tells me he's sorry and that he wants to be with me and not go on any longer in our relationship without each other.
I felt the same say, so we both agreed to go home from work, take a shower, and then meet up. I came home and ended up falling asleep for 1.5 hrs. I wake up to no missed calls or texts, so I called him to see what he was up to. I found out that he was already at a bar (one i used to work at) with his cousin mark, waiting for his other cousin andy starting at 7:00pm. He invited me to come, but i declined because he hasn't seen andy in over 2 years and I didn't feel it was my place to hang with the guys that night. I wanted him to be able to do his guy thing.
I found out from my ex coworker (Susie) the next day that he was hanging out with his cousin Mark and that girl from the party til 2:30am. Susie is good friends with the girl, but she is also good friends with me and told her that he was still with me. The girl didn't care and sat with them all night.... the girl also told Susie that she thought my boyfriend was cute and that he was actually the one who invited her out.
I'm mad at him for doing this. I'm mad because he forgot to call me while he was chilling with her. I didn't even know he had her number. I'm mad because WE were supposed to meet up. I'm mad because he didn't even think to invite me out once he found out that Andy wasn't going to show up.
I'm mad because I found out they all got wasted together. Even though he didn't cheat on me or anything like it, I still feel betrayed and angry about it because he knew how I felt about her. Out of all the people he could've called or hung out with, why her? He sincerely apologized for it, but I still kind of feel angry about it. It made me feel very insecure about our relationship..
Has anybody else ever felt this way? What would you do if you were in this situation?
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About the Author
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- From: whOatheree@xanga
- Name: Jessica
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 3 Views: 0 10687 Comments: 0 139 View all posts by whOatheree@xanga
Comments (80)
Good luck rebuilding the trust. Even if it were someone that I loved, I'd have a hard time forgiving them. Can only imagine how crap the relationship would be after that. It's disrespectful and he kind of took a shit on your feelings.
I'm not sure what I'd do. It really depends on the person. However, knowing what I know now and having gone through a lot already I wouldn't bother trying to make it work.
That was pretty messed up of him. I would say something to him.
I've never been in this situation really, but my boyfriend does have a girl friend that he met shortly before me. They went on a few dates, and he says they decided it just wasn't right. He still talks to her all the time (almost every day, I think). He just doesn't talk about her to me that often, and it bothers me, because it seems they have become good friends. If he ever hung out with her without me knowing, I would be very upset, so I can see why you're upset. Talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about this situation. That's all you can do really. Good luck!
I have never been in this type of situation before, but if I were, I'd probably break up with him. I'm not telling you to, that's just what I would do because I'd rather us be broken up, then worry about him cheating. Good Luck.
ugh I would be so mad/upset/hurt! :(
You fell asleep. Deal with it. You'd be mad if he did the same thing to you. It sounds like you're sending him mixed signals.
It sounds like you guys shouldn't be together.
Leave him. The fact that you both fought while on your break says something. Either he wants to leave and wants you to do his dirty work or he just doesn't know what he wants. I gave my boyfriend one chance to fix one of our issues. If he can't do it then he's GONE. Some people need to realize what they lost to know what they really had.
It sounds like he was hurt and invited this girl out in order to make you/prove he can live without you/guy thinking and ending up being an idiot.
It's immature, yes. But it's something many guys and girls do.
Fine you're mad at him, but if you can approach the girl and tell her to back off. Tell her that even though your boyfriend invited her out she needs to stay in the friend zone and not try to take your place. A lot of females only get upset with the guy, but it takes two.
You're upset and you're feeling this way, not only because of him but because he's spending time with another flirty girl. Major sign. He's choosing time with her over you. You need to dump him. He's being inconsiderate and you don't deserve that. Sounds like a loser and you can do a million times better, girl!!
"Any girl who could take a guy away from me could have him, because I wouldn't want him anymore."
@theflowerstem@xanga - I disagree. It is none of that girl's business, and the narrator of this blog would be bringing herself down to that girl's level, as well as giving that girl an unvocal power over her. She does not deserve her attention. Temptation happens in relationships; the person who is responsible is the one in the relationship. If you live being worried about who is going to seduce your helpless boyfriend all your life, you're going to be a very uptight individual. If you can learn to trust the person you're with, then you won't worry who might be "manipulating" them, because you know he'll be able to help himself.
maybe he thought that it was rude of you to not call him to tell him that you're too tired to hang out, but you actually fell asleep when you agreed to meet up with him, so he probably felt that you stood him up when you didn't call to let him know. I'd be mad if my s.o. made plans, then didn't show up or call me if I was there waiting. did you apologize for accidentally falling asleep for 1.5hrs? maybe he feels that he always has to apologize for things that he didn't necessarily feel that he did wrong, but he apologizes to prevent another fight. he invited you out and you declined to be nice as to not disrupt his buddy time, but he was there with a group of friends of both genders and your female friend was there and it wasn't one on one hanging out, which I don't think is appropriate and that would be shady. I think he just wanted the more, the merrier when he invited her. maybe he didn't call you after he found out andy wasn't going to show up, because he felt that you'd ruin the party mood with your insecure suspicions of him when he sees her as just friends, but she is the one that thinks he's cute and might cross boundaries, not necessarily him, and he wanted to selfishly enjoy the night
bad move on his part but he apologized, so I think he just enjoyed knowing that he is still desirable by other women, who is bold enough to flirt with him when she knows his gf is there at the diner. anyway, I'd be furious, too, if he is flirty with another female on purpose
i'd dump him. its just all too shady.
@OstentatiousEloquence@xanga - Sometimes you do have to put other people in their place and she doesn't have to be nasty to the girl she can say whatever she decides to say (if anything) in a nice, calm manner. That girl knew she was dating that guy so she does have some responsiblity.
hm
@theflowerstem@xanga - Suit yourself. In my perspective, I don't think there's anything that needs to be told to this girl she doesn't know.
Just ditch him. Seems really dumb.
Have you tried talking to him about it? Here you are seething about him hanging with this chick. Maybe he invited her since you stood him up because you fell asleep on him when you had agreed to meet up with him? However, I do think that he's more interested in her but doesn't want to do the dirty work of breaking up with you. He wants you to do the work so he doesn't have to look bad. I'd say drop him.
you sound pretty calm, not gonna lie.
i'd fucking flip shit.
but, it was wrong of him. It angered me just reading it.
I would be hurt and angry as well.In general, I try to keep a level head when it comes to things like this. First, realize that everyone makes minor mistakes in relationships. It happens. You need to decide if this is a minor or major mistake to YOU. To Jane Doe this might be no big deal, but to you this might really hurt, which it seems it does. Can you forgive him for this? Will you always wonder? You should let your boyfriend know exactly how this made you feel, what you didn't like, and then let him explain as well.
Second, it's possible that this girl was not invited by your boyfriend and she only said she was. Talk to him about it. Figure out if the relationship is capable of lasting. Let him know that you're worried you are always going to wonder if he's lying now. Just be honest and straight forward.
Not to say that my husband is dense, but he really seems to not understand where I'm coming from when I bring up problems. He gets them totally backwards and misses my point, so I've learned to just come out and say exactly what I meant. Even if it sounds stupid or I'm embarrassed to say it. Relationships are tough and they fall apart without clear communication.
I would be upset too.
you have a right to be upset. from the sound of it, he didnt mind that you accidentaly fell asleep. so people assuming he called this girl in a form of revenge is absurd to me. either way, he invited this girl out instead of calling you down after his cousin didnt come. he invited a girl that he should know wouldve upset you. i dont recall if it was him who told you about her being there but im sure if he wasnt the one to tell you, he wouldnt have volunteered that information. i say ditch the guy. you deserve a guy you dont argue with constantly and someone who shows you some respect.
the saying goes, keep ur friends close. Keeep ur enemies CLOSER. Dont get mad. Cuz the last thing u want is another fight with the bf. Ask him about the night. When he brings up her name, say hey, u know what she sounds soo awesome u wanna hang out with her too when they decide to hang out again. Seriously, go ahead and get to know her. Have fun with her. The way i see it is that if Ms. Shady got up of ur seat or took ur seat only when ur away that means she does acknowledge ur presence, ur role and even might be slightly intimidated. So go on ahead and take it to the open. Challenge her openly about it. By setting dates for all of u guys to play. Let her see how loving ur bf is to u, and how u guys are soo compatible. Hopefully she'll get the hint and back off. Eventually, if she still doesnt get the hint, invite a mutual guy friend. Hey two can play this game. One ur bf should think twice next time he wants to hang with a grl... second, hopefully while u guys are coooing and loving each other, that guy friend will naturally bond w. ms. shady. Kinda like an implied double date. Let her be occupied with something else, so she doesnt have time to stare at ur man.
It also sounds to me ur bf is tired of the bickering. No guys like those. So go ahead and recreate the honeymoon stage for u guys again. Play around with him, play hard to get, grasp his attention... so he wont have any moment to even think about her. Hope this helps.
Good luck.
that's pretty hurtful. i'd be pissed beyond belief. i don't know if it's really worth continuing if he's going to hang out with this girl when he forgets to even call you.
At this day and age, I'm just way too old for relationship drama. It's one thing to have fights with him when a third party isn't involved, but it's another when a third party is.
I'd say I'm too old to be fighting for anyone. If he still wants to play these games, he can and I'd dump him. It's not about cheating, it's about lying. It really does not matter who asked who to hang out, the end game is he still hung out with her anyway right? He didn't give you a ring or a text right? All the while he was with that girl.