Wednesday, 20 April 2011
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You Want a Woman's Opinion?
Okay, a couple of weeks ago, on Facebook, I got a private message from an old friend from high school. He asked me if I could give him some advice on his "girl problems" so I obliged. Here's what he said:"I met a girl at a party and it seemed like we were both interested in each other. I asked her for her number and texted her the next day. We flirted with each other through text messages for almost two weeks and it was clear that we both liked each other. I asked her out on a date and she said yes. We were planning on going out the next weekend, but we continued to text. Two days before the date she messaged me on Facebook and said she was sorry but she couldn't go out with me. I called her and she didn't answer. Things were going so good, why did she end it?"
Well, luckily for him, I have been in the same situation as this girl. I feel bad for my buddy because there is really nothing he can do to fix the situation. To any guys reading this, you may have no idea why things ended. But for me, it is so clear. The girl did like him and probably still does. BUT things progressed too far through text messaging before they went out on their date.
The purpose of dates is to get to know each other. If you are on your first date and you have already covered all of the basics through texting, then there is nothing to talk about. The general first date topics have already been played out. Not to mention that they were also Facbook friends, so I am assuming they both knew more about each other than they were supposed to.
The other reason is that there is so much pressure. If it was already established that they liked each other, then there is a lot of pressure for a first date. First dates are trial runs and there is no obligation to like each other. The girl most likely got scared and awkward, which is understandable.
How to prevent this problem from happening in the future:
Cut out the texts and Facebook.
Just get the number and within a few days, CALL HER, and ask her out on a date for sometime during the upcoming week. The only texting can be on the day before or the day of the date, for confirmation that the date is still happening.If the date is a success, then texting is allowed.
Any guys out there in the Xanga world need a woman's opinion?
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About the Author
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- From: kALIAS1334@xanga
- Name: kALIAS1334
- Location: Dallas, Texas, United States
- About Me: Student and a waitress. Putting my thoughts out there in the online world, mostly as a stress reliever, but comments and opinions are always appreciated. :)
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Comments (28)
I have been in this situation, and there is definitely truth in your words. All of a sudden I will feel the pressure and freak out and run in the opposite direction.
Yes, it is actually a really tough situation! When I was in the same position, I really did like the guy, but I just got spooked and never went on the date!
Weird. I met my fiance online (completely unplanned) and we talked for a month before deciding to meet for our first date. It didn't make me want to date him any less, but gave us a chance to get to know eachother a little better before going out. We're both shy with new people, so it made the date a lot more comfortable since we knew eachother a little better. We've been together two years, and we're getting married in 4 1/2 more months. I guess it's different for everyone. I preferred talking before dating, worked great for us! :)
Sometimes I feel like I'll run out of topics with the guy I've been hanging out with for over 1+ years, but we seem to manage to keep talking and it never gets boring with him...and we still haven't been on our first date, lol. We just hang out with each other, but not really go out on dates. I'd be friends with the person first and not really call it a date.
That was my mistake in the past is that I wasn't even actual friends with the guys and just jumped right into dating.
It's kind of like making friendships with people...are you not going to be someone's friend just because you think there's nothing to talk about? There's always something to talk about if you're with the right person. Looks like it just wasn't meant to be with your buddy and that girl.
I concur!!!! Sometimes people text so much it feels like you're dating through TEXTS. Like all human connection is lost in technology. So yes, cut the texting next time and see her in person. Flirtations and sweet nothings are better in person anyway.
@tradeitall_x@xanga - same situation for me!
i met my fiance through facebook and we sent hundreds of messages back and forth every day and talked for over a month before we finally met up. due to my previous string of bad luck with guys it was nice to actually get to know this guy before we went out on a date. we dated for about a month and then made things official. now we've been together for 3 years and are getting married!
i dont really understand why she would bail on the guy, your reason really does not make sense to me at all. i would assume that she was either playing with this guy's head and not serious bout going out on a date the whole time. or maybe she heard some rumor about the guy that scared her away.
but i do agree that he should have just dialed her number and CALLED her to ask her out on a date.
Obviously, everyone is different. This is just my experience with the situation and when he asked me "why?"... I figured that would be the most likely reason. Obviously, if it was two people who were right for each other then there would not have been a problem. This situation kind of brings me back to middle school when I would chat with one of my guy friends online and we would become boyfriend and girlfriend, but when we saw each other in the hall way we couldn't even wave to each other. But of course, every situation is different! :)
i think i kind of agree, i'd say if they were the right people it wouldn't matter but given these circumstances - they didn't really know each other in person for a long time, he should have called her for the date, and cut down the texting - even people above who said they messaged with others back and forth, a written out message is still a little better than a text, idk. i do think people sort of abuse texts and it can ruin a potential relationship.
SO true. That's how I feel too. The more you spend getting to know a person via computer/phone the more nervous you are to go out with that person. She is obviously nervous and unless he goes up to her and starts conversation out of the blue, then there is a small chance that she will get up the nerves to go out with him. If he is still planning this date then he should try something that has very little one on one time. A party is perfect because you can socialize with many different people and still spend time with each other.
Yes. What do women want?
This literally happened to me 40 minutes ago. Except for me it was someone on Xanga who had already bought her plane tickets to come out to see me.
@tallipino@xanga - we want men to do and say everything exactly right. whether we know what we want or not, is that TO much to ask for?? haha
There are a myriad of other possible reasons. Perhaps this person was actually already in a relationship and was planning on messing around... and got cold feet at the last minute. Perhaps she's just very shy, and would have "chickened out" whether they'd spent any time texting or not. Maybe she met someone else, or maybe a friend scared her into thinking she was putting herself in danger by going through with it (this seems the most likely to me). I don't know, this seems like a very poor excuse. I mean, if you've spent all this time talking, are you really going to think "oh, goodness, we've already covered all the 'date talk' so I might as well not even bother"? Eeeeeh, guessing not. So here's this woman's opinion: I'd bet you that her friend talked her out of it.
Every guy I have ever dated, I knew as a friend or acquaintance beforehand, so I have a lot of difficulty believing that things had "progressed too far", unless you're talking about raunchy texts or something. And in response to the person posting above, I don't agree that the more you talk online, the more nervous you are to meet each other, except in the context of being afraid of messing up an already-established relationship. But other than that, no, I don't see it at all. In fact, I'm flying to London the day after tomorrow to finally meet someone I've been good friends with online for nearly a year, and I couldn't be more excited!!! Am I nervous? Sure! Any more so than I would be on a "normal" first date? No, not even close!!!
So... basically we shouldn't talk to people we like until we go on a date? I can't say this makes any sense to me.
...I guess this could be the case, although if you don't have much to say aside from basics then there's probably not much going on.
The other possibility is that she found out something bad about him--whether it's true or not--and it convinced her to break her date with him.
It's all too easy to find things to make you back out, especially if you're nervous already.
-Katie
@Me_LeaderoftheWorld@xanga - lol, I understand the answer, because insecurity is real for your part over the lack of trust that "everything has to be perfect."
But here's another question, is marriage a possible success for our generation (age 25+)?
really?
@tallipino@xanga - oh, i don't think everything has to be perfect because then you miss out on all the great make up sex! But yeah I think marriage is a possible success, obviously it depends on each person and how seriously they take marriage. Why? Do you not think it is?
@manic_lizard@xanga - Doesn't either.
OP:I've never heard of this..and I almost wanna call bullshit on it. I think it is just nervousness and perhaps others things like excuses not to proceed on the date. I kind of have to agree with @akatiegirl - about this.
@manic_lizard@xanga - That's not really the point I was trying to make. @TheInappropriateSkirt@xanga - This is the point I was trying to make.
I congratulate all of the men and women out there that are fortunate enough not to find their partners online or begin their relationship with technology and somehow find a way to turn it in to something after. Though, for some of us, this IS a really challenging situation. Maybe it is our fault. But some people really do feel this way!
@tallipino@xanga - I can't speak for all women. I want a man that is: confident, kind-hearted, and interesting.
But the tough part is the list of things that I don't want in a man! :)No. I do not want a woman's opinion. Points for asking, though.
I do this to people all the time. She probably doesn't like him as much as he thinks she does.