Tuesday, 19 April 2011
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One Question I Was Not Prepared For My Doctor To Ask
I was asked the most mind-boggling question I have ever been asked. It left me blank and speechless.During my first appointment with a new physician we were sitting in his office going over standard medical history. Does your family have a history of cancer? Do you drink or smoke? Are you sexually active? How many lifetime partners have you had?
What?
I bet I looked like a toddler who was just told she had to be vaccinated. I institutively answered the number of men I have been with. But I think the term ‘lifetime partner’ is pretty heavy.
What did my doctor mean by that?
I wouldn’t say the guys I have been with were potentially lifetime. In fact, they were hardly partners either. Now, if my doctor asked me: How many stupid mistakes have you made in relation to your decisions regarding idiot guys and douches? In that case, I would’ve answered: Well, what do you mean by decisions?
While I was seated in my examination room, I started thinking about what exactly my doctor meant. How many guys I had slept with? Most likely. Maybe he meant to ask me how many serious relationships I had? In which case, none.
It was a simple little question that still stunned me until tonight.
Although, you’ll have sometime to think about it (unlike the way this question was sprung on me) how many lifetime partners have you had? Consider it carefully.
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Comments (67)
How many lifetime partners have I had?
None. I plan to have one in my future, though.
To me, "lifetime partner" means the person you plan on staying with for your entire life, not a person you've had sex with. When my doctor asked me this question, he asked "How many sexual partners have you had?" That seems like a better way to phrase it.
Maybe he didn't want to make you feel awkward by asking you how many guys you slept with. Maybe there's some like harassment law about doctors asking the opposite sex patients questions like that haha. My doctor always just says to me, 'you haven't slept with anyone yet, have you?' and I always have to tell her that I've been sleeping with the same guy since I was 17 and I'm 21 now. I've been going to her since I was like 8 every few months, you think she would know by now since it's been the same answer for four years. Luckily, I didn't ever go to her during my break up so she doesn't know about any of my mistakes haha. She still checks me for everything since she knows I'm having sex, but she just think it's been one guy the entire time, not three. She's never asked me how many people I've slept with, I don't think she really cares or finds it important.
If a partnership lasted a lifetime, how could you have more than one?
I get that the doctor may of wanted to be "politically correct", but that vagueness makes it worst! In anycase, I'm not sure what the medical significance that would have. <_<; It's more behavioural background info..
I don't answer that. It's none of their business, and all they do is use it as a tool to lecture you about your habits. How many people you've slept with doesn't change your "yes you do have" or "no you do not have" an STD diagnosis. Just because they're looking in your vagina doesn't mean they have to know it's extensive history.
He probably meant to ask how many partners you'd had in your lifetime but worded it wrong...
I'm sure he just wanted to know how many partners you'd had in your lifetime. He probably just worded it wrong. It was his way of asking about your sexual history without asking you directly.
this should be fairly obvious.. he meant how many people have you been sexually active with in your lifetime (so, however long you've been on this planet.) i understood this the first time i read it, so i couldn't see what you were struggling with.. sorry..
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - i've never known of any doctor "lecturing" women about their sexual habits. i think it is more to do with your health. the number of sexual partners you've had contributes to factors that are linked with diseases such as cervical cancer. as a doctor (someone who has trained for years to get to where they are in their profession), i doubt very highly it's just because he was being nosey and trying to get gossip from your sex life.. if it wasn't necessary, he wouldn't ask. pretty simple.
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - Why in hell wouldn't it have been discovered? I get an annual despite my sexual activity or lack of it, because my doctor won't prescribe birth control without it. I don't know of any doctors in my state that will let you go longer than a year between exams and prescribe you bc medication.
@kidoncocaine@xanga - Pennsylvania doctors are ideologically biased in many ways, and often condescending. I've had a doctor say "are you eating enough", when my medical history plainly states I've been maintaining the same weight for years.
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - so every doctor in Pennsylvania is that way? i'm sorry, but that's a little ridiculous. "are you eating enough?" - coming from a doctor, that is not an absurd question, regardless of the non-existent fluctuation in your weight. (maybe you're not where you are meant to be weight-wise for your age and height?). you're making it seem as though he asked you what you did on your last birthday, rather than a necessary medical question. they ask them for a reason, and not just for the sake of it. what exactly is your theory for them asking these questions then, may i ask?
@kidoncocaine@xanga - No theory, but I'm saying you can pick and choose your healthcare battles. A lot of people don't even go to the gynecologist, because they are still considered a specialist. I don't necessarily agree with everything that people do in modern medicine, and the check up is invasive enough without investigating my private life.
Think about this.. the tools that they currently use are the exact same design that they used on women in the 1800's. Why haven't they given any thought to change that and make it more comfortable for the patient? We have the technology, but people have accepted it as normal and don't care if it changes, so no one's making an effort. Doctors who would adopt a new method of exam to make it more comfortable would make massive amounts of money, despite the initial investment toward the new equipment.
@Grtt@xanga - thats wat i was thinking...
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - i see your point, definitely. and obviously, as women, we undergo far more in the way of medical exams than men do, but my biggest concern would be my health, and not whether the doctor's room has fluffy pink pillows for me to rest my head on while he's performing the exam.
i'm not sure i understand the relevance of the "modern technology" tangent you went off on, but i can say that your sex life is linked to your health, and if you are visiting your gyno, the whole point of their job is to see that you are conducting a healthy sex life. it is not considered your "private life" at that point.
their job is to check that you are healthy, yet you are making it sound as though they are going to go and plaster your sexual exploits all over the covers of magazines, or something.
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - Um, just because the equipment designs are older do not make them any less valid or useful.
@snarkius@xanga - Women accept this because it's the only option available. Most medical procedures have evolved from 200 years ago, so this equipment is past obsolete.
Something tells me your doctor just worded it wrong and didn't expect you to overanalyze it, however I would do the same thing. Crazy sometimes what people make you think.
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - That's just like saying that since the astronomy field evolved we should stop using the reflecting telescope that has been around for hundreds of years. Oh, wait, scientists still use it because it is still useful.
Syringes and other methods of drawing blood have also been around since the same time. By your logic, medical doctors should have miraculously figured out a way to do blood tests and transfusions without actually using those items.
i don't think that was a strange or unexpected question.
@snarkius@xanga - That is a terrible analogy. Telescopes don't go inside of people's bodies. You can't potentially be harmed by a telescope. There are several studies that show that annual pelvic exams are not medically necessary for a healthy woman with no symptoms or distress. Also, many women experience extreme anxiety and escape behaviors due to the unnecessarily stressful nature of this exam. Men do not have to go through extremely invasive procedures to check on their sexual organs, and neither should women. If this practice were reformed, and the equipment was updated, more women would actually go to the gyn on a regular basis, instead of avoiding it.
It's a trick question, you can;t answer it until you're dead, because by then you'd have lived your lifetime and would be able to answer honestly. But you'd be dead and unable to answer any questions, hence the trick.
@starcrossedloversdivine@xanga - Actually, it is a perfect analogy considering the basis for your argument was the fact that it was developed a long time ago. I agree that yearly pap smears are not necessary for some people (hence the question that was the topic of this post) however that is not what I was concerned about. Your comment involved equipment not frequency of use of said equipment so that is the topic I addressed.
Men do go through invasive procedures. They are called prostate exams which I believe are also recommended yearly.
As for telescopes and bodies...I guess that depends on how much you like astronomy.
The question was worded in a bizarre way. Even I would have looked at him like he had two heads.
He wants to know how many people you have had sexual intercourse with. Maybe even sexual encounters say mouth to genitalia. It's just more polite for them to say "partner" or lifetime partner in this case. So how many people have you had sex with. Simple as that. Just seems you're avoiding answering him. Tisk tisk.
Yup, he wanted to be politically correct asking how many sex partners you've had... but I would take the wording of the question as 'lifetime partner' and say only 2.
Depending on the importance of your answer, inaccurate information could be dangerous.
If you go back I'd correct him :-p
@PseudoEuphoric@xanga - That is true and I didn't know that about pap smears. I guess I'll have to get them less often since I'm only with one guy. Women don't realize what they do sexually affects their health.