Monday, 18 April 2011
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The RIGHT Way to Make a Romantic Relationship Last for Years
When is it too early to initiate a romantic relationship? I think a couple should know each other for about 6 months prior to the beginning of their relationship because when serious events or proceedings happen too soon without knowledge of the person or issue, it usually ends badly. Start off as good acquaintances and talk a lot on the phone or online chatting.In my opinion, if the future couple sees each other in person too often, they will become a couple too soon. You must know 70% of your future significant other’s personality before the both of you become official and after you two are together, you then learn the remaining 30% through arguments, love, and gratitude.
The more you really know your lover, the most likely the relationship won’t end so sudden. I feel as if romantic relationships that last 1.5 years and below are too sudden for extreme commitments such as moving in together, having a baby, getting married, or starting a long-distance relationship. All of those commitments take time, a great amount of love, and patience for a couple to endure. If you do end up in those predicaments, the relationship will slowly head south and die in 5 years or less.
The key elements of a strong and stable relationship in my opinion are:
- Communication
- Compromise
- Charitable/Generosity
- Reliability
- Trust
- Sexual Intercourse
I am not an expert when it comes to overall love and happiness in a relationship [you have to figure that out on your own], but I do know how to create the solid structure and make it last for years to come. My advice is basically the experiences and knowledge of my own romantic relationship and observations of multiple young couples (ages 16 to 24) for a good amount of years.
I advise any person who wishes to try a new relationship to build a solid foundation before you work on the house. An unsturdy home will eventually crash and hurt those inside it.
What say you?
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- From: Sinful_Soul1@xanga
- Name: Sinful_Soul1
- Location: Staten Island, New York, United States
- About Me: I'm a full-time college student (Pre-Law major, switching to English soon) I love to write plays, short stories, blogs, and poems.
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Comments (21)
flowers, chocolates, cutesy dates, and anal...
Communication and trust are big on my list. I don’t expect regular heartfelt conversations about his feelings (I’d actually really dislike that) but if something is bugging him, it’d be great if he said something instead of ignoring it or being passive aggressive about it. He needs to be able to trust me. The most he trusts me, the more I trust him.
@mdongivin@mancouch - Anal play for the guy or for the girl?
It all makes sense, but not one way will work for everyone. My S/O and I became official only after about a week and a half of knowing each other. 10 months and still going strong.
Known past guys for longer than 6 months, had relationships with them, barely made it past a few months.
I agree though with your key elements. Communication, trust, and reliability are a must. But a couple can still have a strong relationship without intercourse.
My boyfriend and I were in a long distance the first 8 months of our relationship, he lived near me for a year, and it's been 8 months again long distance. I think we've handled it pretty well haha. I don't think you need to date someone over 1.5 years before you can handle long distance. As for intimately, we had sex the first week we hung out although we had been talking for 3 months prior. Everyone is different and has their own set of rules. I don't think there's specific guidelines and time limits every relationship should follow.
I do think it depends on the person, but I'm one big on building a foundation before starting a relationship too. I'm the type that likes to know someone for awhile before establishing friendship too, so relationships fall under this rule as well. My bf and I started out as friends in the same college class and now we're 3 years into our relationship (almost 1 year of LDR) and we're still have a strong bond. I do agree with these key elements:
<li>Communication<li>Compromise<li>Charitable/Generosity<li>Reliability<li>TrustHowever, relationships can last even without intercourse. It does seem like intercourse is considered a bigger factor in a relationship nowadays than it was 10 years ago (at least, from my perspective). But, I believe that if a couple love each other as much as they claim, then whether or not they have intercourse now or after marriage, wouldn't affect their love for each other.
All of my previous relationships which were short lived were because I became official with the guys only one to three weeks of knowing them period.
My current non-relationship has been unofficial for at least 1.3+ years and is still going strong. It's outlasted any official relationship I had all because I never became official with him as quickly as I did the others.
My last real ex which I'm going to count, not counting the ex i only went out with for a measly two weeks and officially only for a day and a half...but my last real ex before that who I was with officially about a month, he only knew his wife for a whole four months before he asked her to marry him, lmao. they didn't even know each other for 6 months before he asked her to marry her.
they're officially married now but whatever works for them. i'm completely in love with the person i'm non official with right now and i see no rush into marriage any time soon. they posted their little love story online of how they happened. i read the part where she asked him, "are you ever going to ask me to marry you?" and at that point it had only been 4 months since they've been officially together. i was like wooooowwww. i'm not jealous either because the guy i've been hanging out with now is a million times better than my ex, but i'm just like wow marriage was even brought up with those two only 4 months of going out. if my ex would have asked me to marry him i would have said hell no.
@shinoseishi@xanga - He's a troll, don't bother.
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I agree with you on your elements, but I don't think there is a certain formula for making a relationship work. I've only known my boyfriend 5 months, but we told each other clearly what we wanted from the beginning, and it's the best relationship I've ever been in. Obviously, it's still new, and I'm not considering anything of those "extreme commitments" yet, but every relationship works differently.
Remember, this is just my opinion. & like I said, you should know your significant other ABOUT 6 months prior. I'm not saying the relationship will turn out horrible if you two did not know each other for that exact amount of time or more but it will most likely turn out well if you did. And for me, sex is a top priority because if the sex was awful, I would not be sticking around that long.
Also communication is extremely vital because couples argue and get mad at each other many times, but when the heat cools off, compromise and TALK to each other. You have to squash that situation immediately or else one of you will bring in up in a future argument. Talking relieves suspicion, answers questions, and helps your partner understand you better!
I met my boyfriend the day before our first "date." We became official after about two weeks. It's been about 8 months so far!
In my first relationship, I know him about 3 months prior, and it lasted 1.5 years. The second, I knew about 2 weeks or so, before things started getting relationship-y, and 3 more months before it was official. And that lasted 2 years.sounds like a nice formula but life happens and things don't go the way you plan for it to go. but overall it sounds reasonable
@shinoseishi@xanga - No not the guy, anal for the lady to make her feel like a lady. Not that there's anything wrong with that for the guy, if that's what you're into. Hell, everyone receives a finger every now and then. I guess I'm just a romantic, is what I'm saying.
I moved in the day after I met my boyfriend, and I think we're doing great. We do everything together and enjoy it. Sure we fight. All couples fight right? Anyway, you're right, you should definitely wait. I may have a good relationship with my SO now but I bet it would be better if we hadn't moved so fast. Either way, great post!
We became long distance about a month and a half in, but we've known each other for 6 years...I think it's working out okay.
@HopefulImpulsive@xanga - I do not think that is the best for you two. Unless you can visit her quite easily, it is not a good way to start a relationship. Like I said, you have to have a great amount of love, commitment and patience to deal with a long-distance relationship.
I've been long-distance from my boyfriend for 8 months now (because of college) but we've been a couple for 4 years. We can commit because we seriously love each other.... i plan to marry him 1 day.I like this post. Obviously it's different for many couple but for the average potential young couple, it's fair.
@sugar_mama@xanga - Agreed.
My boyfriend and I started dating less than a month after we met each other, and a year after that had to do the long-distance thing for quite a while. We've been together for over four years.
A solid foundation doesn't necessarily always take six months to build. It varies from couple to couple and from situation to situation. I think it worked out pretty well for us. We're extremely happy together and have a very strong relationship. I know he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Congrats on your four years with your boyfriend.
Long-distance is hard, but if you really love them then it is completely worth it.
Communication is always huge, but also, keeping note what other partner has offhandedly said and providing with "little" surprises are also a great way to demonstrate that you DO listen. Trying to put your significant other on the same level as you think of yourself is ALSO a HUGE pointer. Don't always look to appease "ME" but "US."
I dated my fiance for 2 yrs. Now we're engaged. We're checking out venues and counting guests for the wedding next summer, we travelled a lot, we share a lot of similarities, and although dating and traveling is QUITE different from LIVING together EVERY DAY, not just the weekend sleepovers, it also gives you a great outlook to life. I think it was great that I met him when I did and not so early. WE get so thankful for the timing we had in meeting each other because we won't be together if we met too early. :smile:
If a blondy woman like the woman above bite me in the mouth in that way I think that the love would be forever because that attitude is what kill me, I think I wouldn't take viagra anymore, why? because that attitude awake all the body's senses.