Saturday, 16 April 2011

• Dating as a Mood-Enhancing Drug

  
  Each person has their dependencies - whether it be food, cigarettes, alcohol or your favorite TV show. For me it's dates.

  It started when I moved to a distant city - I didn't know anyone, so I searched the net and set up dates here and there. I was averaging a date every three days (sometimes with the same person, mind you). Now that I'm back here after a break of a couple of months, it's starting again, and I'm surprised at how automatic it's become.

  Dating culture in itself breeds this sort of behavior - the pain that comes with being dumped, not liking the guy, things going nowhere, or just having to wait for a guy's turn makes it difficult to patiently see one dating relationship through. It's nice to have backups and options (of course until "mr. right" or at least "mr. commit" comes around).

  It is especially easy to go through a constant dating pattern with people you know from the internet. It's unlikely anyone you meet will be in the same circles or know each other. It's easy to cut off contact or at least avoid any stalker situations since you can limit what they know about you and you have no obligation to ever meet them again. And the internet holds so many possibilities, so there's a feeling that you can keep "shopping" until you fit the right match for your needs.

  Which is why I scheduled three dates this weekend. One with an internet guy (let's call him Jim), followed by two with real life friends-of-friends. I was banking on the internet guy date to fail - conversations with Jim online were only so-so, and I only saw his photo for 5 seconds since he was afraid of internet privacy, etc. Still, I could tell he wasn't dangerous and I needed something to fill an empty Thursday night.

  Yesterday was the worst possible timing for a date. I was wearing an outfit that made me look "businessy" (first day back at work!) but also fat. I didn't bring my makeup kit with me. I was wearing new heels so high that the bones in my feet were going to break at any moment. That morning, I had traveled an hour out of my way for an important errand, only to learn I didn't have the right documents for it. Just at that moment, Jim texted me asking to hang out and I was tempted to call it off because of my sucky mood that day. But then I remembered the mood-enhancing qualities that come with a date. Hey even if he was butt-ugly and awful, at least I'd maybe get a meal out of it.

  Finally after work, I trekked over to the train station to search for him. We texted back and forth, and as I looked around, everyone attached to their cellphones were either 1)balding, 2)older than 60, or 3)had a creepy perv look when they made eye contact with me. He then texted me to go up the stairs, and as I did, I laid my eyes on a scary homeless man sitting on the steps glaring at me. Aghh!!

  I started cursing my dating addiction for bringing me this far, when I laid my eyes upon another man who was standing there - an incredibly attractive fashionista wearing a cute velvet blazer and jeans and adorned with dark, shaggy hair, intellectual glasses, a manly jaw, and an all-too-kissable smiling mouth. This was Jim! I was in shock.

  I was so mentally unprepared for things actually working that I was an utter disaster. The pain from my shoes stopped me from being able to walk straight, and they also made me taller than him. My stuffy outfit forced me to constantly discreetly wipe away the sweat beading on my forehead. However, after a couple of minutes, Jim blushed and told me, "you know, you're more beautiful than your picture." What!

  We made prolonged eye contact and quickly looked away, both giggling like teenagers. After dinner and a couple of drinks, we were still in the giddy cute flirty mood, and it was hard saying goodbye (so hard to resist the temptation to take him back to my place).

  So now here I am, with two dates still lined up that I don't really want anymore. They say that love only comes at you when you're not looking anywhere. But maybe it also comes when you're looking at all too many places. While my dating habit will likely be impossible to break, it's nice to have someone to look forward to again!

  Dating is seriously the new Prozac.

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