Friday, 15 April 2011

• The "Bottomless Pit" Feeling

  
  The original post can be found here.

  I am perplexed at the constant need of the human being to put their heart on the line. I mean we do it so often. We find someone that we like, are attracted to, or for those lucky enough, all of the above. We forge a new journey with this person, getting to know the things that make them, "THEM" & then sooner or later we begin lackadaisically skipping towards the unknown hand in hand.

  We choose to refer to this abundance of trust in someone we know fairly nothing about as a "Relationship." We reveal things about ourselves to these people that we never previously dreamed of telling to another living soul, we place our burdens on them, and we reciprocate this held trust. We begin to compromise on the little things, because that is what we were once told is the key to fostering a good relationship.

  We know that there are an infinite number of things that can go wrong, but along with the endless possibilities of failure comes the faint hope of LOVE. We choose to embrace the idea of LOVE & dismiss the validity of any other possibility, even though history has shown us that the LOVE we seek is the "diamond in the rough" which in most cases is not found.

  We begin to have stronger feelings for these individuals which often times gets equated to that of LOVE, & although sometimes it is, other times it is merely an illusion held up by the hands of LUST or COMFORT. While indulging in this feeling of LOVE we choose to then give ourselves wholeheartedly, placing all of our cards on the table. It is here that we are both the most open to the world & its possibilities, and the most vulnerable to those individuals that we had begun to LOVE.

  They are in these moments able to play God with our emotions forcing us to be their mere mortals who wish to please them. And then like some tragic Greek tale, they slay any hopes we once had of making this relationship one of endless unconditional LOVE. We hurt, we cry, we curse our lucky stars, & we vow to NEVER do it again! But the hardest part comes not as we are being let go, but a few weeks or months down the road when we have felt like we have recovered from this heartache.

  We turn the corner & there THEY are with their new YOU, & that feeling hits us! We all know the feeling, the "I feel like someone took a butter knife and decided to do open heart surgery on me in public" feeling, the "after retrieving my heart they also decided to throw it on the ground stomp on it a few times and then to add insult to injury spit on it as well" feeling, the "I feel like my heart just dropped into a bottomless Pit" feeling....

  Yes, that one! It's one of the most horrible feelings in the world! To know that this person that you once cared so much about; this person that you once believed was the inventor of your happiness, is now inventing happiness elsewhere with someone other than you. These are the things that sting the most. But, following human nature a few weeks, months, or years later we act as if we have all but forgotten those moments of heartache & the vow we had made to ourselves. Once again we put it all on the line & repeat the vicious cycle!

  I just don't understand what makes us this way...?

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