Wednesday, 13 April 2011
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I Want You to Want Me
"I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I'd love you to love me. I'm beggin' you to beg me." - Cheap Trick
I just want someone there for me, and just for me. I want to know that there is someone looking out for me and that I drive him crazy (in a good way).
Right now, my insecurities are getting the better of me. I want so badly to be in a relationship, but it's not happening. No one is interested in me that I can actually be interested in. The only guys who seem to take a liking to me are the ones who seem to have major self-esteem issues and get hella emo randomly, the ones who can't really talk to girls, or the ones who are freaking weirdos.
So, what I've resorted to is drunkenly hooking up with (not so) random guys. (I know them, and they know me. We're just not the best of friends because if we were, shit would have never went down.) I want a significant other, but since no one is willing to date me, I'm just taking what I can get.
I know that these boys probably don't give a shit about me, and that's fine. (Actually, since I'm trying to be completely honest, it's not fine. I'm just saying it is so that I can get over it and not be sad. Obviously, that's not working.) I can at least say that guys want me when we're both drunk. It's better than saying that guys don't want me, period. Sure, that's not so fabulous to hear, but that's all I can get at the moment.
I just want to be wanted.
Yeah, I want to know I'm cute, beautiful, pretty, sexy, gorgeous, etc. I want to be fawned over. I want guys to be infatuated by me. But since no one is ever interested in me, it's hard to believe I am, that is to say if I am any of those things. I know I'm not the prettiest, the smartest, the funniest, the friendliest, etc. I'm not the MOST anything, and that's fine. I just want to be pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, friendly enough.
I want to be 'something' ENOUGH, to catch a guys attention and to keep it. I want to be enough for someone. It kind of sounds like I'm settling, and I guess I am. But how is it really settling if there are no other options? I can't settle if I'm not being offered anything else. You guys say I'm too idealistic. Well, here I am being realistic. No prince charming, no knight in shining armor, no bullshit. I just want a guy to want me for me. Is that too much to ask for?
So, since I'm not anything enough to make a boy interested in me when we're sober... let's try this again, but drunk. For a second, it makes me feel better. For a second, I do believe that I'm pretty enough, cute enough, funny enough, whatever enough to make this boy like me. Then, I realize, we were drunk. I realize that he was just probably really horny and that I was the only girl there, the only one that wasn't a lesbian, the only one with out a boyfriend.
I realize that I was the only option if he wanted to actually get some. So, I'm back to questioning my worth. I can't say I'm whatever enough anymore. If given another option, he probably would have chosen to pursue her. The only thing I can say is that I'm easy enough. That's probably why they make advances at me when we're drunk. They know they'll get what they want with minimal effort. Great, I'm being used.
To tell you all the truth, I don't know what I'm doing. I say that I'm fine. I say that because I know that we both aren't looking for any type of commitment and just a random hook up, that it's okay, since we both know what we're getting into. But this shit is retarded. Drunkenly hooking up with boys doesn't even make me feel better about myself. I used to have morals. I used to care enough about myself and my body to not want to be used.
But all of that has gone down the drain. I feel cheap because I give myself away so easily. But if I didn't do anything when I'm drunk, when would I be able to do anything? I have needs too! I want to mess around and express myself sexually. I can't possibly do any of that if no one makes advances at me.
I just want some reassurance.
I can't believe that I'm pretty, that I'm special, that I'm a catch, if no one even notices me.
Guys I like will never like me back because there is always someone better than me. T
here is always someone prettier, smarter, funnier. I'm nothing special.
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About the Author
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- From: s0choice@xanga
- Name: Kristela
- About Me: Late nights, cute boys, t-shirts, and AWESOMENESS. ^^
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Comments (28)
Wow - Okay...here goes.
I used to be you! Thank gosh my friends snapped me out of it. Here is some of their advice - how is someone going to want to date you if you keep being a slut and sleeping with randoms or not randoms when you are drunk.
What if there is a guy that is into you but needs a bit more time to approach you and then sees you leaving with someone else? ANOTHER thing - noone will think you are beautiful or hot or anything like that if you don't think so. Confindence is one of the biggest turn ons.
You wanting a relationship or someone to want you also might come off as clingy. No guy wants clingy. In my opinion guys want independent women that have their own life and their own friends. They might want a girlfriend but they don't need someone going with them everywhere they go and Needing attention and reasurance all the time.
You are gorgeous, you are beautiful, you are a catch. But noone will see it until you see it!
Okay, here it goes:
You know that saying "when you're looking, no one is looking back at you, but the moment you're not looking, someone will come along?" or some rendition of that saying that every friend who is currently in a relationship will bestow upon another friend who is DYING to be in a relationship.
IF you are so insecure that you are begging someone else to want you, people you WOULD be attracted to would NOT be. Does that make sense? When you are looking around at other couples and trying to gauge what makes HER more desirable than YOU and you just cling onto every intereaction you might have with someone you'd be interested in rather than some random drunken fling you have because you're (pardon me for pointing this out but) desperate, no one is going to want to be with you. They are not going to want someone who is desperate for the sake of having a relationshp than to be in a relationship with someone they are genuinely wanting to be in one with.
Think about ways of making you see yourself in a better light. When you start taking care of the areas that you can improve, you'll be too busy to be so desperate for someone else's approval or appreciation, and when you come to think about WANTING to be wanted and BEGGING to be needed less and less, someone will be so totally drawn to your confidence, your personality and your non-clingyness.
REALLY, try it.
@single_21@xanga - @kor_girl@xanga - I totally agree with both of you.
First off, you are too desperate that you sound as though you wouldn't care if the person you date likes you or you like him. Desperation and low-self esteem gives off a bad vibe. You give up way too easily and your losing sight of your goal. Sleeping around won't accomplish anything because the guys, who are looking for one-night stands are NOT looking for a committed relationship. For people to like you, you must like yourself first. Stop comparing yourself to other people because you are unique on your own. Everyone has good qualities to them, so you've got to stop putting yourself down and work on building your confidence. There are millions of people out there and there will be someone special for you, but you have to believe.
I used to have low-confidence too, especially since I never saw myself as beautiful, funny, talented, or cute. Whenever people ask me what I think of myself, I always said I was average. However, the one quality I felt proud of was my kindness and that I care about people. I went through college wondering what it would be like to have a relationship, so I did look among the sea of people. However, no one noticed me either. Then, I eventually, I got more focused on my education and didn't think much about having a bf anymore. But it was during this time that this guy walked into my life. My point is, sometimes all you have to do is find that one quality that makes you you and feel proud of yourself. Have some confidence and just enjoy life as it comes. Don't try to force anything and go with the flow. If you search too hard, you might miss what's right next to you. So believe in fate a little, believe in yourself a little, and believe that sometimes things just happen. Go out there, relax and have fun with your friends for once instead of stressing yourself out like this.
I've been single for way longer than I'd like to have been. I feel a lot of the same things you feel, but I still refuse to take what I can get, like you said. Maybe its because I don't drink, so I'm never in those situations. Anyway...as I was reading your story, the one thing that struck my mind was about who made the move first. If you make the first move when you are drunk...maybe its not that they only think you are attractive when they are drunk..maybe its they are just too big of pansies to make the first move, and you don't...so nothing happens.
This is making me sound very hypocritical...and I'm only saying it because I don't drink...but I refuse to make the first move. Its the mans job. And I don't want to hear anything about equal rights blah blah blah...I'm not a feminist and I don't claim to be. If men want to do things solely because they are men..then they can make the first move solely because they are men.
Anyway....hope your situation gets better, I can definitely relate. And I absolutely LOVE the opening song. LOVE it...thats the only reason I clicked, actually. But I really enjoyed your post all the same.
Dude, thasss messed up almost kinda sorta. Like everyone wants to feel good and I'll admit I've gotten to like the feeling of being wanted as well... but that's a pretty selfish reason. and on top of that the crazy emos and awkward ones need love too, we cant live without it :(
Confidence is key, even if you don't feel it. I'm generally really shy and quiet, but whenever I used to see a guy I was interested in, I'd make sure to light up the whole room and make sure he noticed me. I also never hooked up drunk and made sure to keep my reputation and myself as classy as can be and it always worked. I think the biggest thing is to be confident and to love yourself. The saying, 'you have to love yourself before someone else can love you', is absolutely true.
That's weird. I think I only felt this way when I was 15. Why are you dying to be in a relationship? It seems like a "young girl" type of thing...
And stop looking. If you can't be content with yourself, you DO NOT NEED A MAN. It will screw up your life if they leave you because you'll depend on them for happiness.Stop getting drunk. You're not going to find the right type of guy like that.
confidence and commanding respect is the main attraction.
I wish I could help you, but seeing as I have no luck with guys, I can't :(
Unfortunately, my confidence wavers from time to time.
Hey there did you STEAL MY BRAIN and write down everything I've ever felt about guys? For real, this is creepy, I know E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. what you are talking about right now. Wanting to be wanted is all that relationships boil down to - any relationship. Friendships are wanting to be wanted on a loyal and companionship level. Hook ups are wanting to be wanted on a physical level. And romantic relationships? The hardest, because it's trying to find someone to mesh both of those wants, AND adding that you really want it too. And trying to find someone - the biggest challenge. It's easiest to meet guys when I've been drinking or I'm at a bar. I know they have their beer goggles on and they suddenly are whispering in my ear that I'm so sexy. And it's satisfying - for a while. Then I remember that I want someone who wants me like that sober. And then I get depressed and take another shot and start all over.
Okay, ending my rant. My point is that I agree with everything your saying. I'm on the journey with you, so know you're not the only one who feels like this. I can't really say why and I can't really say how it's going to end either. My guesses as to why: (I'm assuming we're of a similar age) Guys our age aren't usually interested in commitment right now. For the ones who are charming and entertaining and fun to be around, casual sex is much more interesting for them. And the ones that are interested in commitment, are usually extreme and interested in marriage (but I'm in the bible belt). And these are usually the puppys who can't take care of themselves.
Again, ranting. But thank you for this. I know I'm not completely alone.
Hey there did you STEAL MY BRAIN and write down everything I've ever felt about guys? For real, this is creepy, I know E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. what you are talking about right now. Wanting to be wanted is all that relationships boil down to - any relationship. Friendships are wanting to be wanted on a loyal and companionship level. Hook ups are wanting to be wanted on a physical level. And romantic relationships? The hardest, because it's trying to find someone to mesh both of those wants, AND adding that you really want it too. And trying to find someone - the biggest challenge. It's easiest to meet guys when I've been drinking or I'm at a bar. I know they have their beer goggles on and they suddenly are whispering in my ear that I'm so sexy. And it's satisfying - for a while. Then I remember that I want someone who wants me like that sober. And then I get depressed and take another shot and start all over.
Okay, ending my rant. My point is that I agree with everything your saying. I'm on the journey with you, so know you're not the only one who feels like this. I can't really say why and I can't really say how it's going to end either. My guesses as to why: (I'm assuming we're of a similar age) Guys our age aren't usually interested in commitment right now. For the ones who are charming and entertaining and fun to be around, casual sex is much more interesting for them. And the ones that are interested in commitment, are usually extreme and interested in marriage (but I'm in the bible belt). And these are usually the puppys who can't take care of themselves.
Again, ranting. But thank you for this. I know I'm not completely alone. Also, you're not desperate. I understand where you are and you're not desperate. Yes, confidence is key, I've been told that a thousand times, but heres my question: How am I ever supposed to get my confidence up if I don't interact with guys?
I also feel the same way as you and do the same thing. Check out some of my posts on this site...
I want to be wanted and needed and when I'm drunk and can get a guy so so easily it makes me feel wanted and needed. And hooking up is fun. But then I'm like wtf these boys do not care about me. It's hard and I've tried to change but it's just so easy being easy and the attention is great. I'll try telling myself not to go home with a random guy before I go out, but as soon as I start drinking and flirting and "being pursued" going home with the cutest guy at the club feels like an accomplishment to me.
I think we need to focus on our own lives and realize that we really don't need a man to make us happy. And if we hook up with multiple guys when we're drunk just to feel wanted and needed, maybe we need to cut back on the alcohol.
The thing I don't get is that the guys are a part of this too, but it's always the girls who are labeled sluts and the guys are left to prey on any good looking girl that walks their way. Like the saying goes, "it takes two to tango." I wonder if some guys feel the same way as us when they drunkenly hook up with strangers. Maybe they are the ones lacking the confidence to soberly "get the girl." Glad to see that so many of us feel the same way. We can help eachother get out of this rut!
Um... How do I say this without offending or upsetting you... It seems to me that you're way TOO easy. That and a few other things. You settle for less than what you want. It seems to me that you have some self-esteem issues yourself. What I mean by saying you're way too easy is that you have no problem spreading your legs. No decent guy likes a girl who has no moral compass in the bedroom. It's a matter of questionable fidelity.
Don't settle. Whatever you do, don't settle. My husband once told me that the more you believe something about yourself to be true, the truer it becomes. Stop the constant drinking and stop sleeping around just because you feel you can't get any otherwise. Being single can be a good time to focus on yourself. You don't get that opportunity when you're in a relationship. I have no doubts that you're good looking or attractive. It's your outlook on life; your behavior; your negativity, not your outward appearance that make you undesirable. My husband is very much right in saying this: "The more you believe something to be true, the truer it becomes."
trying so very hard just for a boy's attention reeks of desperation, so quit that first, and second stop looking for a guy to make you feel attractive. please also remember that looks are not and should not be what defines you. so go out and live your life and learn to be happy on your own. then one day - scratch that - there will be thousands of days in which you will meet guys and get to know them on a friendly basis, and maybe one of them will be worth your while. on a related note, hooking up while drunk is in no way a determinant of a relationship. i've been there - hooking up with guys and drinking a lot, but i knew it was just sexual gratification on both parts. don't take it to mean a guy is interested. you have to work on loving yourself and keeping yourself out of those situations with guys so that you can get to something real and healthy. you ARE worth it, but you have to believe it for yourself before anyone else can :) good luck!
"I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I'd love you to love me. I'm beggin' you to beg me." - Cheap Trick
Now put that quote, and stick it on your mirror.
yes, there is always going to be someone who is prettier than you, smarter, funnier, thinner, whatever, but speculating about it won't change anything. sometimes, you just have to let things fall into place themselves. it's great to put yourself out there and meet new people, but you shouldn't throw yourself onto someone. it'd send the wrong message and guys may not take you seriously. have some confidence in yourself.
minus the drunk hookups this is me. egg.zack.lee.
well, you should be glad that lots of girls can identify with you. my thing is im too intimidating to guys, which i realized not too long ago, and it's also the reason most girls hate me, but enough about me! lol.
my sixth grade teacher wrote in my year book a famous quote i think you'll like: "Keep smiling because you never know who's looking and falling love." Just be happy and don't think about, and you'll find the RIGHT guy, not just you're "Settling" guy. lol. ^.~
Stop hooking up with guys and work on your self esteem. Pick up a hobby. Be happy on your own. You shouldn't need someone else to validate you.
People are attracted to self confidence. Work on yourself first. The guys will follow.
Sweetie, you got it all wrong.
YOU ARE SPECIAL- There is NOBODY else on planet EARTH or in the whole UNIVERSE that is EXACLY like YOU. YOU are the only YOU. YOU are beautiful because there is NOBODY else that looks like you. Who ever made you think you weren't worth it was SERIOUSLY wrong.
Don't fool arond with every guy that gives you some, that will only shoo away future Mr. Right. Maybe right NOW isn't the time for you to have a boyfriend. YOU have to learn how to LOVE your self- and to do that make some changes in you life, then love them. Like a fresh start. Cut your hair, change make-up, paint your bedroom walls a new color! HAVE FUN AND ENJOY LIFE. Don't settle. It's not right because one day you will see everything life had to offer you; and you "Settled". What if you settled now and in the fufture YOUR Prince Charming came riding in, and you are MARRIED? Wouldn't you regret that? Somebody needs you, and that's a little puppy that is homeless in a dog shelter. Adopt a pet. They ALWAYS need you; to feed them, love them e.t.c., and with dogs, the beautiful thing is that they LOVE people so so so so much, that you won't need anybody else while you learn to love yourself. Remember: What other's think DOES NOT MATTER be YOU and LOVE being YOU. :) I was the shy no-self-esteem girl that thought she'd be lucky to even have a nerd look at her. Well, I fell in love, HARD. I just decided that I had to love me if I ever wanted to love him. I wanted to be GREAT for HIM I didn't want him to ever have to settle for ME. Where I'm at now is really healthy. I love life and me now. YOU CAN DO IT. YOU ARE UNIQUE BELIEVE ME. YOU WILL SEE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE WILL. I believe in you however. SO I will be the first, and you the second, ok?
Girl Im probably more fucked up then anyone you know... I finally started seeing a psychotherapist and she told me i have a LOVE ADDICTION... im finally realizing i need to love myself before anyone can love me and that's what you need to do ... you have self esteem issues as do I ... you have to better your self .. 98% of the population have the same feeling you at one point in their lives your not alone.. WORK ON YOUR SELF & YOU WILL HAPPY WITH YOURSELF AND THEN WITH A SIGNIFICANT OTHER!
i read the rest of it and was SERIOUSLY stuck out
"I really thought that I could do it though. I knew that we were both
just drunk and horny. I knew it was nothing more than us using each
other. Me knowing that it was just a random hook up didn’t stop me from
hoping like a complete idiot though. I thought, “Maybe, just maybe, I
was mistaken and he could have actually liked me or maybe start to like
me. Of course he doesn’t. That’s asking for too much. Okay, I’ll be
realistic. He doesn’t like me… but maybe he’ll one day want to hook up
again, no? I think I’d be happy with that.” Just to know that that one
night wasn’t just a big, fat mistake and that he’d be happy to do it
again. Then I’d know that he actually chose to be with me. Then I could
stop questioning myself. I’d know that he wanted me and I’d be content
with that."
it's like you said exactly what i've wanted to say for months. i felt like (actually, i still feel like,) if we just...hooked up i'd be cool with that. but he doesn't want to again. and it sucks doesn't it?
it's not cool to know you were good enough for that one time, but after that, never again. it feels like they regret that one time, and that it wasn't enough for them. that, in turn, feels like YOU'RE not enough for them.
I can totally relate! I had some of the worst nights out partying and somewhat drinking at the beginning of this school year because I was .. well desperate and I wanted to be wanted like you have said so yourself. I didn't hookup with anyone, but I did make out with some guys I did not even want to.. One day I had an epiphany (well when I woke up in my friends apartment and for the first time didn't know/realize where I was) and told myself I had to stop because I had never been out so much before nor have I ever been partying that way before. I look back at that past me and see that that wasn't me at all. The guy that I talked to at that time ended up being a low-life and I just made myself think he was everything because he was the first guy who showed any signs of like for me.. He made me feel wanted so I took it and made myself believe that he was everything then too. Three months later, I started talking to my now boyfriend.. who ended up being my next door apartment neighbor! He is so motivated in school and has such high priorities. He was next door all along and if I hadn't stopped going out and partying, I wouldn't have been able to spend my time at home getting to know my neighbors and talking to this guy I grew a strong like for. Sorry I'm just rambling and telling you my story, but I just want to let you know that there won't just be anyone out there for you, but someone who will admire you for the qualities that you have. I was seriously in your position and acting in a way I wasn't even comfortable in so once you change for the better and for yourself, someone wonderful will come your way and treat you right.. Confidence and self respect are key factors. I am pretty low in self-esteem, but now my boyfriend's been helping me become better in that department. And it's just a matter of time and place too. :) Good luck.
Sendy
what i think you need is a little confidence. you are beautiful but until you believe it, no one will think you are.