I have a booty call. I never thought I'd be the type of girl who would have one of those. I was confused at first, but now I accept it for what it is:
A friendship that exists primarily and almost solely around sex.
Right now in my life though, I am the only one of my friends who is single. This often leaves me alone at my apartment on weekends, while they spend time with their boys. I can't hold this against them, and I honestly don't, but I do end up feeling lonely. I am a very shy person, and I don't have a lot of friends, and usually I'm OK with that. But lately, even being with my friends has not been satiating my loneliness. Then I remember that booty call.
So my question is, can I call him when I want a little more than just sex? On those nights when I'm feeling lonely and sad, is it OK to go hang out with him to make me feel a little better about myself? This whole situation is pretty new to me, so I don't really know what the boundaries are, or if there even are any?
I think I'm afraid that I'm putting this into places beyond physicality, into emotion. Into need. Shouldn't this situation be driven by want, not need? If I hang out with him when I'm lonely, will I begin to need him?
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Comments (47)
Only one way to find out. Give him a call, see where it goes. I could see attachment as a possible outcome, but who knows, maybe he'd enjoy some company too.
Kinda sounds like you're getting attached to me...
i'd def say don't do it.
As far as calling if you want more than sex, unless you've talked with him about it and he's cool with it...nope. This is what makes a booty call a booty call.
Like everyone's said, it depends on whether or not he's cool with you guys possibly becoming more then just a booty call. I had a simliar situation a while ago and I wasn't even interested in the guy, but I texted him once just to see what was up and he freaked and ended it - not a huge deal to me because come on, are you really that much of a douche? I was just saying hi. But some guys really freak out about that.
It does sound like to me you're getting attached though, and if that's not what he wants that's bad - if I were you I'd cut him out completely until you get over him.
Depending on your relationship with the guy, it could be okay, but you're definitely heading into sketchy territory. You could end up in a nice FWB situation, where there's emphasis on both the friends part and the benefits part, or you could end up freaking him out or letting yourself get emotionally attached to him. When in doubt, keep emotions out of it. You can always take more time to feel him out (no pun intended!) and decide later if it's worth taking the risk.
I think you have your "wants" and "needs" a little crisscrossed. Swap those two around and maybe you will see the light. I.e. Need- coital ejaculation/orgasm. Want- emotional attachment. Then again you're a woman, so who knows on either front.
@shpadoinkle12@xanga - Agreed
@shpadoinkle12@xanga - Perfect answer!
that's why you have different sets of friends for different wants/needs. one hot guy for bootycallin, one geeky guy who you aren't sexually attracted to for hanging out as buddies, one streetsmart guy that you can call to open your door if you locked yourself out to save $ on the locksmith
the other friends are just for casual socializing and one best friend to go on roadtrips with because the other geek is just to rant to
you can't be seen in public with this geek j/k I wouldn't have a bootycall to begin with, but the rules can vary depending on the people, and you set your own boundaries and agree with them before. for some it is strictly sex and no hanging out as friends, so it is called a fuck buddy. friends with benefits is what you want, but the friendship might blossom into more.
No.
Booty calls and fuck buddies are exactly that; booty calls and fuck buddies. Only a select few people are mature enough to have that kind of relationship with someone and even fewer people can turn their booty calls into actual friendships without fucking it up.
Plus you don't know if he even wants to hang out with you. If I had a FWB situation and the girl called me saying she just wanted to have a platonic hangout, that's a huge red flag and I'd probably flat out say no.
never, ever get emotionally attached to your booty call!
If he initiates it and that's something you want then that's one thing, but don't go there expecting more than getting hurt.
why not spend the time and effort in finding someone who won't treat you as a booty call but rather as a significant other?
A booty call should be limited to just that. Only call him for sex. If you want an emotional connection or someone to make you feel less lonely, and it has to be a guy, find a guy friend or a cuddle buddy.
I don’t think you’ll come to “need” him, it’s just that your’e heading into a territory that could compromise the booty call set-up you have. It might get too weird for you or for the guy.DON'T DO IT. You'll ruin everything.
Find someone else to cuddle with.
I mean call him then have sex with him. If you guys usually talk, cuddle, etc. why not throw some sex in there so everyone can get what they want? But yeah, like everyone else said, you sound attached, so be safe.
It sounds like it's turning into attachment, but it might not be. I had a fwb (we never had sex though) and we would call each other to hang out and go on drives. We didn't always hook up when we hung out either and it was never awkward, neither of us was attached to each other in a more than friends way, and we never had to discuss it. Everything was just how it was. As long as you're comfortable with the situation and he is too, then, I wouldn't freak out about it too much. If it ends up coming up and he thinks you guys are going past the normal fwb stage, then, it's probably time to talk about it and clear things up.
@Kill_GaryLarson@xanga - I realize now I didn't make that clear - that was always the original plan. Is it ok to call him for sex and get sex, with the added benefit of companionship? I DO want sex, but I'm afraid that I'm being driven by more than just lust here. Can I use him like that?
Also, I'm twenty years old, and right now in my life, I'm not really afraid of getting hurt. I'm more afraid of losing out on a potentially good experience.
You might begin to need him, but what I feel like no one even mentions is what if HE begins to need YOU? And if you know for a fact you are not looking for more than a f-buddy with this guy, and this begins to happen, think about how it'll be when you have to break his heart on that one. Is it usually just girls that get stuck in those kinds of situations and not guys? Because for me, this has happened way too many times, and in the end I just feel like a terrible person because I can't attend to the guy's needs anymore once they want more than just sex, and I just don't have the same commital feelings back at them. Kind of like the movie "No Strings Attached"?
Bem, eu não sou parâmetro porque sempre fui diferente de todo mundo em meu modo de pensar.
Pra mim, não existe diferença entre amizade "comum" ou amizade com sexo (FWB). Sexo pode ocorrer ou não entre amigos. É uma questão de momento.
Assim, se minha FWB me chamar só pra ir ao cinema, não há problema algum. Eu não preciso de sexo, sempre!
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Well, I'm not switch because I was always different from everyone else in my way of thinking.
To me, there is no difference between friendship "common" or friendship with sex (FWB). Sex may or may not occur between friends. It is a matter of time.
So if my FWB call me just to go to the movies, there is no problem. I don't need sex,ever!
this is pathetic.. wait for the right guy to "make you feel good' about yourself. maybe that's why this country is so fucked up; because every person over 15 thinks it's okay to do this.
build YOURSELF up and be a stronger woman. jesus christ.
How does someone orchestrate booty calls? I feel like I don't understand, because I don't think I comprehend the emotions involved.
My ex and I tried after we split and every time I tried to see him, he wouldn't show up. So I gave up on that. When I was nice, he didn't wanna play. But when I was dirty, he wouldn't show up either. It was only on his terms, so I gave up on it.But, if its someone you've never had a rela with, what do you say? Do? Are you nice, or raunchy? Do you just start with "Hey, should I come over tonight?" I really don't get how it works.
Kudos to those who can pull it off.
@JinXd_Icicle@xanga - You're generally not supposed to do it with exes because you have an emotional history together and that can complicate things. The ideal FWB is someone you don't know well, have no plans to know well, and would never date for any reason. If you can't cross off those three check boxes with a potential FWB, then it might not be a good idea to get involved.
Don't do it! lol I've been in the booty call situation multiple times and recently tried to make one of them about more than just sex. When feelings get involved, things go downhill (in this type of situation). Booty calls can be great for casual sex but when you start counting on the guy to fix your loneliness, you will most likely end up sad and lonely and with no more booty call. It sucks...especially when the guy says he only wants to hook up but acts like he really cares. Read this post to see why this most likely will not work to your benefit.
@JinXd_Icicle@xanga - Usually the guy tries to play it cool, acts like he just wants to see you/talk to you, etc. But then he will say what are you doing tonight? Let's hang out. I want to see you. And my personal favorite, bang? From my experience, it's usually the guy who orchestrates the whole thing.