Monday, 11 April 2011

• Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, and Your Poem Sucks

  
  "He Wishes For the Cloths of Heaven"? Nah, he's got 'em.

  It's fairly safe to say that a good number of people express their love, lust, or unspecified amorous hankerings through poetry. It gives people a chance to say all those touchy-feely sorts of things they want to say while using ridiculous metaphors that would otherwise sound like the scatterbrained mumbling of an opium aficionado. It couples well with pricey chocolates and flowers, showing that you can open up more than just your wallet. It shows off an ability to be sensitive and communicate deep feelings in a few short lines - and you don't even need to play "Crash Into Me" with your shoes off.

  ... It's also usually boring, cliche, and doesn't really say anything about the relationship.

  
  People say that it's the thought that counts. I buy that - to a degree. If you're dating someone who really has a hard time opening up on anything, a little poem with some "cute" lines about how nice you smell and how sweet your smile is - yeah, OK, it's the thought that counts.

  But, really, shouldn't poetry be more like sex?

  It's not an exact analogy, but if you write in your journal or diary all day, you should probably be able to write a decent poem. If you've written a fair share of poems in the past (you literary tramp, you), a piss-poor poem should be considered a piss-poor gift. I mean, if you were dating a musician and they wrote you some hellish equivalent to "Friday," wouldn't you kinda wonder how much effort they put into the gift? The "thought that counts" mentality's fine up to a point - then, the horrid laziness becomes apparent.

  Writing's an odd skill. No one writes exactly the same, rules rarely make any sense, and life-long authors can still suck. However, there are a few simple suggestions to improve that heartstring-plucking sonnet you wrote for your ladyfriend or loverboy:

  1. "Show, don't tell" is all you'll be taught in most creative writing classes, but it's legit. Metaphors and imagery needs to be grounded in the basic human senses. "Beautiful" is a fine and dandy adjective, but it's so impossibly vague that it doesn't really mean a lot without further explanation. Get specific, get real. You should be able to hear, taste, touch, smell, and see any sort of love poetry.
  2. Be real. A flourish of doves at the mention of a person's name is, to say the least, rare.  It's much more flattering to a person when you're really talking about them. Superlatives are swell, but they also put someone up on pedestal. At some point, you stop talking about a real human being and start talking about an idea of a human being. Instead of something like "you're the classiest, most gorgeous woman ever," you can go with "you make Helen of Troy look like a two-cent hooker." (Well - you get the point. I'd avoid using "hooker" in a poem about someone you love/lust after/&c., but never say never.)
  3. You're not Shakespeare, so don't write like him. A fair share of young writers like to scour the English language for inkhorn words that were invented in the 17th century and haven't seen the light of day since. Don't get me wrong - I love the word "noctilucent." However, it just isn't how I talk or even how I'd regularly write. I'm an American, and I speak American. I don't speak the English Shakespeare, Spenser, or Donne would have known. (No "thou" - no "thee" - no "loveth.") For that matter, my audience doesn't generally read the dictionary for pleasure. If you're writing a poem specifically to impress someone, make sure you write it so they can understand it.
  4. You don't have to rhyme. If it makes your poem a twisted, awkward relic of whatever you learned in high school, you can learn to go without. Y'know, before the Normans took over England, English poetry used to care more about alliteration than rhyme. It's cool to follow a classic form like the sonnet or use complex rhyming. However, if you start sounding like Yoda just to make a rhyme scheme work, something's gone dreadfully wrong. We live in an era where the basic concept of poetry is largely up for grabs - so, it's totally kosher to use whatever literary devices or forms you want. (Seriously - we're hovering around "post-postmodernism." Anything goes at this point.)
  5. Read poetry and write often. You'll get new ideas, better ideas, and pick up a fair share of inspiration.

  

  This method does not work as well as you'd think.

  These are the most basic of basic steps to getting deeper into better communication and more meaningful writing. You might eventually want to focus in on more universal themes and how your significant other pushes you to a happier or better sort of existence.

  Love poetry is more than a "cute" gift we can give on special occasions to expedite ugly-bumpin'. It's a linguistic trinket snatches up all the whizzing biochemicals and mysticism of love, lust, and all kinds of other fluid-swapping human endeavors in a very personal sort of gravity. It's a promise, a point of praise, a song, a proposition, or even just a way to tell someone you're thinking of them. You don't have to write like a master craftsman, but at least show that you're making an effort when you make the effort.

  Do you write poetry for a significant other, or received a poem as a gift? Have you ever been pleasantly surprised or flat-out disappointed by your other's writing?

  (Image Sources: 1, 2, 3)

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