Sunday, 10 April 2011
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Love: Why Even Bother?
Recently, I've been going through this heart aching pain. A guy that I used to talk to suddenly disappeared from my life. Why? I'm not sure. I'm pretty mad at the fact that I'm not worth the truth. I know this guy isn't sitting there moping around about me, so why am I? You know, it's weird because you spend a while with a person, do a lot for them and the next day they're done with you.God placed this guy in my life either to have me learn from him or learn from pain. I'm not sure which one it is yet. I got so close to this guy that I'm at the point where it hurts whenever I think about him and the person he used to be. What hurts the most is thinking about the fact that he's not the person who I want who wanted me. I put my guard down for him and he didn't care.
I can now say that love does not run in my vocabulary anymore. I know this might sound cold and bitter but why should I want someone who is only there to put me down? How do I know that another person won't do this to me again?
What do you do if you're in this situation? How would you handle it?
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- From: nyboslove@xanga
- Name: nyboslove
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Comments (45)
Love is a gamble. Sometimes, you win, and sometimes you lose.
It's worth playing, though, for the times you win.Another person WILL do that to you again. That's how it works for most of us. And then again. And again. And again. It's bullshit. Don't believe the hype. And, yes, I know completely well what you're going through. I just recently dealt with this. But, God didn't place him in your life... random particles clumping together and forming single cell organisms who begat multi-cellular forms of life who begat (skipping a few) humans who spawned did this to you. The randomness of the Universe put him in your life. For no reason at all. Just chance.
The same goes for Love, you can't give up on it, no matter what- there is always the possibility for someone to come around who will be your best friend, who you will love and if you have resigned yourself to not love, you won't be able to follow the happiest route you can. I once gave up on love and almost missed out on meeting my best friend.
unrequited love happens sometimes. I just talked to new guys and gradually forget about him and think about the new guy and when I look back, I usually think...what was I thinking?! because he isn't really all that I thought he was if he disappoints me often. I find someone, who is better in every way and soon the guy in my past doesn't even appeal to me anymore and I even grow disgusted sometimes that I was actually interested in him.
That did happen to me.... sort of. She whom I love beyond meaning just told me she's getting married. Essentially destroyed my life.
@Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga - I agree totally.
You learn from all the times you were heartbroken, but you can't let that stop you from trying. Just let it make you stronger once the pain is gone.
I'm slowly giving up on it. Not necessarily because I've had my heart broken a lot, because I haven't, but moreso because I don't think I'll ever find it. Meh.
I hear ya. I've been in the same situation. I was seeing this guy for 3 months. Out of nowhere, he became distant and used work stress as an excuse -- avoiding me for a week without any contact. Communication was all I ask of him. Broke up. Got back together when he promised to change. 2 weeks later. Same song and dance. Even though I dumped him for real this time. It still hurts like hell. I have to keep reminding myself that he's not even man enough to express himself when times are tough. Completely emotionally-unavailable. He's not worth losing sleep over. Not sure when I'll be ready to date again.
I wish I could say something supportive, but when it comes to this I just can't. I've had the same experiences as you, over and over. I'm starting to think that maybe love isn't worth it. Maybe some people are mean to be alone forever. And maybe I'm just one of those people.
"A woman will fall in love 100 times and have her heart broken today, only to fall in love 101 tomorrow."
Love isn't something you find over night. its a living breathing organism, and if two sides of the brain do not work, it was never there. you shouldn't be so melodramatic over something like this. its one person in the world, are you going to stop drinking water because one drop from the well was not what you wished?
its that same sorta whish wash crap that i can't handle, and probably why the same reason women do not stay with me.
@DarkWaver@xanga - wow the way you phrased everything hit me for some reason. How true.
Love sucks. lol That's the best I can say.
don't listen to those that say there are many other fish in the sea.
At this point it doesn't matter. And if getting over it were like a light switch love wouldn't be so mysterious.
Just...take your time and don't rush it.
Love is painful, ugly, and requires you to fully & completely trust another human being. Idealistic, Hollywood love does not exist.
In the end, it's about the person who you can tolerate the most.
Depressing? Yes. But it's the reality. The thing is, though, that the imperfect relationship that you get out of it is beautiful. It's nice to have a friend by your side. :)
@fukuoka_stars@xanga - Then i hope it was positive reinforcement, because i would hate myself if someone thought little of it.
If it was ment to be with every person we had feelings for, the first boy we met we'd fall in love, get married, have kids, live to be old, and die together.
I'd let time work its magic.
Love is painful, unpredictable, and ever-changing; however, it is also unlike anything else you will ever experience in your life. I can't promise you that you won't run into anymore jerks who will just up and leave you... because you will. But once you DO build a meaningful connection with someone else, this rough ride will be worth it. So cheer up, buttercup! You're only just beginning. :)
I feel like I wrote this entry. This happened to me a couple months ago, and I'm still not over it.
In my heart, I know that not every guy out there is going to be like the one who just left. Case in point: many of the very successful and happy couples that I know of. But at the same, it's so disheartening, right? You let your guard down, things are going great, and then all of a sudden, everything is just gone. It's such a pity to be so close to someone in one moment, and then in the next moment, it's like you're strangers who've never spoken a word to each other. Melodramatic, I know, but really, it's a shame.
For myself it's not so much the fear of pain that's holding me back from love, but the questioning of what went wrong in the previous relationship. I keep feeling like I need to know what happened before I can be satisfied, but I know it's impossible if my trust is already gone.
This happened with my boyfriend and I in the beginning of our relationship and we ended up not talking for months. I always tried talking to him because I wanted him in my life, but he was confused because he was in Texas and I was in California. He later realized that he wanted me in his life and we started talking again and now have been dating consistently for two years which has been off and on long distance.
The situation in itself takes awhile to get over because you don't understand how someone you held so highly and cared so much for could treat you like that, but eventually the pain lessens and you'll feel better. It's not something you want to rush because you need to take it at your own pace and know on your own that it's something you can overcome.
Why I bother: Because it would be against my penis' wishes not to, and who am I to deny a brother...
@Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga - Agreed
baby, if u knw he is some one trustworthy enuf to tlk to, i think u should b straight forward n show him how hurt u r with-out forcing him to get back together wif u. if he still cares, in the end the result tends to b good, n then u may both calmly tok abt y he left n mayb pick things up again in the future.
but how u mentioned it, r u sure he doesn't even care? if u try tlking to him to show how hurt u r (mayb confess abt some wrong-doings in the past?) n if he still doesn't care then he is not worth it!!! if this is true, u need to let go of him. block him if necessary!!!!!
jst find out if he is worth keeping as a choice. if u r sure there r no more care element in him, u must must must must must delete him. it hurts for a few months (i have been there!!!!) - i learned from my mistake that i kept contacting an ex when i knew he didn't care any more...in the end only i was hurt...bt after blocking him i cud quickly get ova him. i hope u cud learn from me i dont want women to b tricked again!
You should never give up on love. Take a hiatus? Sure. But cut it out of your life altogether? No. Love is worth the risk. Sometimes you fall, and it hurts, but hell...when you were little, you'd keep getting up on that two-wheeler, wouldn't you? And you'd fall and skin your knee--sometimes pretty badly--but you'd get back on. And eventually you'd find yourself pedaling without your dad holding onto the back, and without wiping out.
Love is like that.
So don't let one moment of hurt get you. The worst thing you can do is let the scars harden and keep others out. Who knows what great adventures you'll be able to ride towards if only you let yourself? But you'll never know if you cut yourself off from love.
Bottom line is this: we've all been hurt. But the strong grow from it. They learn and they adjust their expectations of their next love...but they don't shut love out permanently. The weak shut down and shut love out forever. Don't be weak, here, honey. Sure, maybe shut love out for now while you heal...but don't forget to open yourself back up to it, or you'll be missing out on one of life's greatest joys.
-Katie (who has absolutely been there, and knows what she's talking about. Promise.)
I've been through this many times, guys say that we girls are strange, but we can say this right back to them...