Sunday, 10 April 2011
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What Starts in Vegas...
This post was submitted by an anonymous user.I met Vincent in Vegas. We were both waiting for other people and watching the NBA finals last June. I didn't totally notice him that night, but we found out we were both from Boston and exchanged numbers. He moved to San Diego a few months before this, though. We ended up hanging out the next day at the pool and walking around a little. He asked where I was going that night, and I got a text from him letting me know he got a table at the club, and we totally hit it off from there.
Needless to say I went back to his room that night. We got breakfast in the morning, walked around for a few hours and talked. There was an instant connection... we were both on the level. The texts started when I got home... he asked how my early flight was. Told me he wished I lived closer and that he'd been waiting for a girl like me.He came back and forth all summer. I picked him up from the airport - we hung out probably 5 or 6 times over the course of the summer. We texted all the time and talked once or twice a week. There was always a "don't get too close" thing going on. Like we weren't allowed to fall for each other.Then I decided to move to California.
I was moving 2 hours north of him, though, to be near my sister. I ended up visting him in San Diego before Thanksgiving. Had an amazing weekend - got along with all his friends... but there was a disconnect. He walked me to my car and told me he just wanted to be friends. I was floored... but not heartbroken.
I ended up moving out to California a couple months later. I've gotten endless texts from him asking to hang out - "but we're not allowed to like each other too much, because I know it can easily happen" etc. Drunk texts saying "If you meet me halfway, you win." At any rate... I've now been here for three months. He has come to see me once a month. The first time he was "in the area" (aka 1/2 hour away) and showed up at my door at 3 am.
We talked for hours and went to bed. I woke up to him spooning me - but he wouldn't have sex with me. He said just friends, no benefits.Then he came to take me out for my birthday. We went hiking, out to dinner, to a comedy show, and again, he slept over and said friends, no benefits.
Then I saw him again - we went to batting cages, hung out on the beach, and came back to my place and talked and laughed and flirted for hours. I didn't even mention hooking up this time... it didn't come up.
Now, I know what you are thinking. "Girl, he said friends, no benefits." But the connection between us is different than any friend I've ever had. There's a comfort and ease to the whole thing - a definite connection. I have had the one night stands, and serious boyfriends, and everything in between. And I think to some extent its obvious when someone is feeling you and when someone is not.
This kid is TOTALLY feeling me... I don't think I would have written this post if I wasn't so sure of it. It was instant in Vegas - and now that we know each other, it's even more effortless. I'm even kind of seeing someone else, and the connection with that kid is not even close to what it is with Vincent. Even got a drunk/jealous post on my Facebook wall last week....
I think he's scared. I think he has shit he needs to deal with before he can think about a girl. What do I do? I'm doing me - and I'm fine.... but I keep thinking about it. I don't get it. Is he not into me? He couldn't be gay because there was an instant connection in Vegas. If he wasn't attracted to me that obviously wouldn't have happened.
The closer we get the more scared he is. Any guys wanna help? I obviously cant push it because it'll scare him away. I don't know what to do. Should I not be friends with him? Let him miss me and see if he comes back? Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Comments (14)
You should watch the movie He's Just Not That Into You.
He could be into you, but maybe... he's just not that into you.
he's married
idk i feel like if it was me, i'd stay friends until it starts to weigh heavily on me, and i feel like its painful to think about ... if it gets to that point, its time to cut him out.
well maybe he is the kind of guy that wants to be with his bestfriend. Maybe he wants to be friends and not rush into things because being sexual can ruin things make feelings come up that shouldnt nly because you two are being sexual. Juat wait dont see anyone else let him know you are interested without just saying it. give him hints and signs and be friends hang out show him you an be fun and like his bestfriend and maybe things will move forward between you two. good luck :]
i dont know why you let him lead you on. if he says no sex, just friends... why are you allowing him to cuddle with you and do intimate things like that? why arent you asking him wtf and saying if you are to be just friends like he says, he needs to take his cuddling and flirtations elsewhere. i understand you like him and want him but he is getting what he wants from you without commiting to you in the end confusing the hell out of you. and why? because you let him.
spooning is still some sort of benefit, because just friends don't spoon
you are doing things as if you are a couple, hanging out and flirting although no sex, but you are still close in touch. he is afraid of being hurt, so he is avoiding the official bf & gf title, so if one of you decides to date other people or move, etc, then he won't be that heartbroken since you aren't even in a committed relationship, but a casual one...even though you want it to be more. I think he wants it to be more, but he was probably so hurt from his past ex that he won't put his heart on the line this time and that says something...that maybe he doesn't think you are worth the sacrifice:\ or he just sees this as a fling and you give him the convenient body warmth cuddling and a buddy to accompany him places and talk to that he wants without the pressure of fulfilling more expectations if you are a couple. his drunk texts are immature if he has to be drunk in order to say things, just be upfront. I think he is mainly using you for his own selfish reasons. he says things to bring your hopes up: "Told me he wished I lived closer and that he'd been waiting for a girl like me." then he said, "If you meet me halfway, you win." but more like he won't meet you half way. or you saying that you are seeing someone else makes him feel uneasy that if you are together, then you'll probably change your mind and dump him or cheat on him even though that isn't true. he is insecure. he seems more like a shy schoolboy type, who is afraid of being hurt than a manipulative player. who knows:P
Commitment phobic
If he's your friend, he shouldn't be cuddling up with you and getting intimate on other levels. That's not fair on you. If he says he doesn't want any "benefits", you need to call him out on it when he tries to cuddle up with you and spoon with you. He can't have it both ways, but you're letting him have it both ways.
Thinking there's a connection is all well and good, but I personally think he's using you.
@single_21@xanga - yep.
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The good: Under it all, he's a decent guy...although he's a misguided soul with respect to you. You give him something he needs or desires that he's not getting with "her". That's why he keeps coming back to you. You rock.
The bad: He's not single or available. This is why he wont sleep with you. To him, that act crosses over the line into unfaithfulness and he doesn't want to be that guy and he wont do that to "her".
The ugly: Clearly, he's not willing or able to leave "her" yet he's allowed himself to become emotionally involved with you. That's not fair to you or "her" or him but life sometimes gets ugly, doesn't it? Yep, it does.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there isn't a connection between the two of you. I'm sure there is. I think life is just getting in your way and until he decides to do something about it. You're stuck exactly where you are.
My advice: Don't give him an ultimatum - he wont choose you. Keep in contact but stop the no-booty booty calls. It hurts you both. Have hope for the future but don't wait around. There's a lot of people out there to connect with.
Bottom line: You have to respect yourself. If you don't, no one else will.
A man will do exactly what it is he wants to do. If he wanted to be with you - he would - complications aside.
If you want him to make a choice, you have tell him to make a choice. Otherwise he will keep the friendship/relationship ambiguous because he gets the most benefits - the comfort of being adored by a very sweet girl (ego) along with option to still chase other women.
Guys are simple.
he had sex with you in vegas. people who say "let's friends but no benefits" can't get past the fact they had sex once and go back to pretending it never happened so platonic attraction can be salvaged.
you really should watch "he's not that into you." just because you're ready for whatever you guys are capable of doing; it doesn't mean he is. maybe he got out of a marriage. maybe he had a relationship that burned him pretty bad from the whole thing. maybe he goes to Vegas and does this thing whenever he can't just be single. maybe he has a baby on its way from a past relationship.
YOU SHOULD TALK TO HIM if you KNOW this 'kid' is feeling you as much as you're feeling him. But really, when a man comes over at 3 am and you're wake because he's spooning with you, he must be TERRIFIED of committment, not to mention a LONG DI one, and it's ok. maybe you need to show him that YOU don't need him to be MORE than friends until he realizes the connection is NOT the same when you ARE platonically involved with each other.
@single_21@xanga - Ding ding. We have a winner.