Friday, 08 April 2011

• What Puts People Online?

  
  My last two posts (1 and 2) sorta made the internet sound like a scary place, and I apologize for that. In fact, it's an amazing place of infinite possibility and I've met some amazing people from it. But like any place you go to, it's good to think - what brought this person here?
  
  Many reasons can bring a person to the internet dating world:
  
  - Your current situation (just moved, live in the countryside, etc) means you don't have chances to meet new people easily
  - You want to make a new persona - whether it's an improved version of yourself, or to explore a fantasy
  - You want quick sex - whether it be offline or online
  - You're socially awkward and get along with people best when it's online
  - You hope that talking online will get someone to overlook your appearance for your personality
  - You are too lazy to get outside but have just enough energy to log online
  Etc, etc...
  
  For me, it's an instant way to get a conversation when you're bored and a date when you have a hole in your schedule. I live alone in a big city and it's fun having something to do everyday even when your friends are busy. Also the first-date jitters get addictive!
  
  Which brings me to my story of the day. I found a guy online (let's call him Slan) who seemed like a popular, socially well-adjusted guy. I couldn't figure out his reason. Added to that, Slan had a witty, dark sense of humor and sent me smoking photos of himself in all sorts of hair colors and hot attire. He also found me attractive and really wanted to meet me. He was a 25-year old professional photographer (which explains the good photos) who had just moved to the area for school. I could not at all process why such a hottie would be single and be on the internet. We set a date for a post-New Years dinner.
  
  Slan was even hotter in person, though I felt the date didn't have the spark I was hoping, despite our nice conversation online. I remembered texting my friend during dinner, "I'd totally do him but never date him." Luckily, that night ended with us making out in one of the hidden dark booths of the bar.
  
  I managed to get Slan back to my place on date three. And after the sex, everything was like heaven. We had a nice conversation, he held me close and told me how much he liked me, how he was always happy when he was with me, and how beautiful he found me. Ahh bliss! What was I feeling that first date, stupid me?
  
  But then I realized that while we were having nice talks in the evening, the dates beforehand were dull and silent. I started noticing it more when Slan wanted to spend time together that didn't involve spending the night. And I realized why Slan had been on the Internet.
  
  It was because of a new phenomenon creeping into our generation. It's now commonplace to be on the Internet, and even meet people from it in real life. Technology is so pervasive that we are merging with the Internet, our devices are like extra limbs attached to us. And for Slan, he was well too merged with the Internet.

  I realized our dates were him being glued to his phone, messaging people constantly, intermixed with sporadic declarations of love to me. When we were actually talking, he was showing me messages, videos, and photos on his smartphone. I realized this is why we worked so well online - because that was the realm where he could talk with me best.
  
  I asked Slan one night to turn it off, and when he did, we had a great talk. But I knew a cyborg romance just wouldn't work, and added to a bunch of other factors (I had to leave the city for two months, etc) - I said goodbye that night.

  But hey, we're still friends online!

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