Thursday, 07 April 2011
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The 5 Stages of Grief
Being dumped is a lot like being told you're going to die. Now while that may seem a bit extreme to say, it's the truth. Unless you were dating someone as a fluke, most people take being dumped almost (obviously not as much) as hard as being told you're going to die soon. I'm not just saying this out of nowhere either, I've been thinking this over a lot lately (I'll tell you later why).The five stages of grief are what people go through when they are told they are terminally ill. There is Denial/Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I'm here to tell you all how that fits right into the feelings after one is dumped.
1. Denial/Isolation:When someone is first dumped the feeling is terrible. The next day after all is said and done, it feels more like a bad dream than reality (only because we wish it so). We deny that we were actually dumped by someone that we were vulnerable to. Not too long after denying, we isolate ourselves from those who care about us. Why do we do this? That's on your own terms, some do it for more attention that they desperately need, and others do it solely because they want to be alone for a while.
2. Anger: This is a given one, and I'm sure most of you know this well. Not long after isolating yourself you become a very hate-filled person. You aren't angry at those you care for, mostly you're angry at yourself. You must have done something wrong right? Why else would your significant other dump you? Of course there's always a bit of hate for that person who dumped you. (What a jerk, right?)
3. Bargaining: While some of you may not realize this, we do this a lot when we are dumped. We start bargaining our appearances, "Maybe if I lose weight, he'll love me again?" or "Maybe if I change my whole appearance he'll realize his mistake." We bargain what we can, thinking something must be wrong with us, and if we work on what we think is wrong, that person will want us back.
4. Depression: We all know this well. Depression finally kicks in, while it was there for a good while, it was probably never as strong as it is now. You have complete self-pity, being down on yourself constantly saying things such as, "I'll never get another boyfriend. If he doesn't love me, no one ever will." While this is sad, it has to happen for the next stage to emerge, and when it does, you'll be just fine.
5. Acceptance: You're now ok with what happened. Time has passed and you realize that you and this person just weren't meant to be. You can finally laugh at all the fun times you had, without thinking about how that person dumped you. What's even better, is you can even smile when you see other couples again, instead of frowning wishing you were them.
Being dumped is a painful procedure, and the months ahead of you will be strenuous and hard, but you'll get through it no doubt. It took me two months to get over my boyfriend. That might be faster than others but go at your own pace. Don't force yourself to be comfortable around the person who just dumped you. Personally, I've gone through all these stages, and I'm much happier now. Anywho, there you go, the 5 stages of grief, it works for break ups and death, a 2-for-1 deal right?
Share your views on this with me.
I'd be glad to hear what everyone else has to think about this.
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- From: Anonymous0622@xanga
- Name: Anonymous0622
- About Me: Hello to whom it may concern :). I'm a friendly new blogger ...i don't usually blog stuff but u know, lately I felt the need to. I'm really good at listening, and giving advice. So if anyone out there needs any, I'm here to listen.
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Comments (28)
6. Revenge
I don't wish getting dumped on my worst enemy. It frikkin' sucks! It took me at least a year or more to completely get over it.
I don't think I went through the isolation phase. I think I tried to surround myself with as many people as possible so I could try to forget.
@Annizka@xanga - haha! love it!
You forgot to add, not everyone goes through each one of these stages nor do they occur in any specific order.
Not everyone goes through this. It depends on the relationship, and the people/emotions that are involved. Not all relationships are serious, and not all break-ups result in tears and heart-break.
a long time ago, someone wrote a similar post, except his argument was that people who are single go through these 5 stages...and the general response (mine included) was that he was an idiot. i think this is a much more plausible idea.
@fashionsbyjulia@xanga - agreed
@Annizka@xanga -
YESH!
@fashionsbyjulia@xanga - Mmmm true I did forget to write that :) thank you for adding :D
When I was dumped, I went back and forth between all of these for a long time. It was no fun!!
totally true, i stayed in the depression phase for a while then i got over in a year....it was a 6 yr relationship.
Loveee the OC image you used :)
omg when i saw the title of this blog i had already thought of the oc
LOVE THAT SHOW!@fashionsbyjulia@xanga - That's what I was going to say.
@individually_surveys@xanga - True. Some of the break ups can be mutual. It really just depends.
u see if u just date a fat kid u wont get dumped and he will always love u :D
You lost me in the first sentence. Being dumped is not like being told you're going to die. When you're dumped, you know that you still have life ahead of you. Sheesh.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - Some people don't. Believe me.
Yeah, I remember doing this vaguely, but recently I have always been the one doing the dumping....... Which also friggin sucks by the way... Just because I realised we had to go our seperate ways doesnt mean I don't care. I wonder if I am of a rare breed in that regard, but I hate hurting the girls feelings, and thus I try to reason........... Usually just makes it worse..........
@Footballblogs@xanga - The first thing they should do when they realize that being dumped is comparable to death is rethink their priorities. It's not that I've never been upset and mopy when I've been dumped, or had to dump someone- I understand that there is pain, sometimes quite a bit. But I also understand mortality, and if someone believes that being broken up with is akin to facing death, they either A) have little regard for their life, B) have too much regard for their S.O., or C) don't really believe that they will ever die.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - Im not saying that being dumped is like dying in the regards of actually losing your life, but in the aspect that when you're told that you are going to die you usually go through the five stages of grief, where as you do the same usually if you're told you're going to be dumped. If you read more closely you would see I said its "like dying" but not to the extreme as such :)
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You need to understand something about these stages. On one hand they are sage wisdom that can help you understand your greiving. On the other hand, they are a bunch of crap because everyone is different. Some people will only hit a few of these stages and some will invent a few more.
When I got dumped, I certainly went through these stages, though I think anger and depression were the most prevalent. We had been together for 3 years, and I guess I kind of saw it coming towards the end of that third year, but I think that just made it worse. I heard that the longer you're with someone, the harder it is to get over them. It took me a while, and even today I can say I still love my ex, but I am over it at last and happy with my current relationship.
@GentlePhotographer@xanga - Excellent comment. Seems you have a very vigilant mind, thinking to cover that point as well!
i accepted it immediately, then decided i couldn't accept it without a fight, and talked to him and ask if there would have, theoretically, been anything i could do/say to change his mind, when he said no, we resumed normal conversation (we were, at no point, not friends, so we still talk regularly, it wasn't a big deal) and went back to accepting it haha
@dude_this_world_sux@xanga - Haha so you had some of the stages, just not in order ;D that's normal everyone is different when it comes to that, I'm just stating the stages that people go through usually