I love to flirt and I would say I'm pretty darn good at it. All I have to do is give my signature "look" and guys automatically think I'm DTF. This can be a good thing when I'm looking to get a guy, but I'm afraid all it's gotten me is a one-night-stand. Despite what people may think, I'm not always on a mission to seduce my way into some guy's bed. I just tend to flirt--all the time.
I don't know if it's the way I talk, my steady eye contact, my engagement in the conversation, or simply the way I am, but guys always tend to get the wrong vibe from me. I'm starting to think that this could be part of why I've been so unsuccessful in the dating scene. A guy recently told me his friend said, "Be careful. She's down for anything." This made me worry.
I do not want to be known as the girl who's always looking for action. I was at a party the other day and was having an innocent conversation with a guy I had just met. Keep in mind other people were part of this conversation too. The topic of coffee dates came up and the guy said that he really did like coffee and didn't just take girls to coffee to impress them. I said, "aww cool I love coffee too," and immediately he said "I have a girlfriend."
I was a little offended by his abrupt announcement of being in a relationship when I was in no way trying to get him to take me on a date or anything like that. He wasn't my type anyways. I was simply trying to socialize, but after that I walked away because I didn't want to give him the wrong message, although apparently I already had.
Do you think I give off the wrong vibe? If so, how can I change this?
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Comments (41)
I thought divas were suppose to be more stuckup and not talk to nearly everybody
it might be that you're too friendly:O I usually don't acknowledge people exist unless I like them
Hilarious. Sounds like the guy was shitting his pants, or at least this is how I see it in my head to humour myself. I bet even if you asked "Hey, how are you?", he would've said "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!"
Many people mistake friendliness and sociability as flirting. I see this happen frequently. It (probably) isn't your fault that people take you the wrong way.
Your a strong, confidant woman. Men tend to generalize women who know how to carry themselves and play the game as "whores" or "down for anything". Dont let it get you down. On day you'll find a man who knows the difference.
This post makes me want to meet you, for the sake of science.
You could always become a social recluse and/or gain a bunch of weight.
In all seriousness though, just ignore the people who say things like that. If a guy is willing to believe that you're only DTF 24/7 and doesn't make the effort to actually get to know you, dude's not worth your time anyway.
If you don't like the vibes you're giving out, stop putting out and turn on the sex toy and good vibe yourself for a while.
@methodElevated@xanga - I have that problem too. I'm just a very sociable and warm person but I guess to some people, that's flirting. I can see why they see it as that.
Well...I'm always in the friend category. Maybe you could teach me a few things, lol.
You must have kind of a reputation of sleeping around if that's what people seem to be saying about you. I feel like I've read a few of these different posts from you about the similar subject of hooking up. Just don't hook up anymore or sleep around unless it's what you like doing. Make it clear to guys that you want to get to know them/go on dates and that you aren't the type of girl to just jump into bed with them.
*pointed stare* "I said I love COFFEE." Make it awkward enough for HIM to leave the conversation.
@Peppermint__Kisses@xanga - That'd be exactly what I would do lol.
You should have made it clear that you do not mean it that way in such conversations. Don't just keep silence then walk away, that may seem like a confirmation of their wrong impression towards you.
This is one reason why I'm shy. I have this huge fear that people will mistake my friendliness for flirting and it'll push them away, so I just keep my mouth shut and my head down.
if you know what you're doing wrong (flirting too much) then change it.
you're welcome.
dood, dont stress it. you might think that way, but most of the times, at parties its not what it seems. honestly everyone is trying to have a good time, and probably didnt even think of that. guys are pretty simple, and girls is just girls to them. idk if that sounded right to you. i'm just sayin. as a party goer on the male side view
If guys know you as the girl who is "down for anything" then that's a sign that you've been around a little too much. I'm not judging but typically you don't get that title unless you've been with a few guys here and there. I always thought guys liked girls who didn't want to be committed to just one guy because it means she's not nooking for a relationship, which most single guys don't want anyways, but I guess I'm wrong.
Don't change a thing about your personality. However, if I were you and you want a serious relationship then stop having one night stands. You got that "I have a girlfriend" because he was attracted to you and felt bad. That's good! I always have the misfortune of attracting taken men. I don't know how, but it's annoying. Anyway, good luck. Continue to be yourself, there's guys who will like it. But choose a guy who respects you enough not to just sleep with you.
@babixk1umzy@xanga - lol I've always had that "she's down for anything" initial response. But I'm not down for anything and the guys learn that quickly. Some girls just give that vibe off to guys for some strange reason. I think it's confidence. I'm always told I exude confidence. (I don't think I do!)
Don't worry. A lot of people just see things in a more complicated manner. A simple, straightforward and comfortable approach makes people think you're flirting with something. That's what people think about my friend and she never really flirts- she's just simply nice to everyone and if she's comfortable around you, she won't hold back but it doesn't mean she's going to just sit on your lap and touch you all the time.. I notice a lot of my guy friends thinking that about her. And many guys read into these things..
The guy is a little strange because usually it's just girls interpret the indirect communication...
You should have just said : "Relax speedy gonzales, I wasn't asking you out"
Confidence is never a bad thing.
Not to be offensive, but since you said you like to flirt, I thought of something. The girls that flirt, that I know of, is looking for a fling and guys think so as well about flirtatious girls. It's something like since a majority of girls, who do flirt are looking for some fun and nothing serious, people then to think that all girls, who flirt are looking for the same thing. In this case, if you are giving off the wrong vibe, then you can only change how you present yourself to people. I'm not sure what your flirting style is like do you like to "accidentally" brush their arm, are you're eyes suggestive, is the tone of your voice sweet and seductive? If this is true, then that's why you give off the wrong impression. If you want people to think differently of you, then all you can do is pick out what you think you're doing that's giving out the wrong vibe and minimize or change it to something else. (People don't change easily, but with the will, you can change yourself).
haha the guy just walked into starbucks...i should ask him if he wants to come join me.
Ha, sounds like the guy thinks highly of himself! ^.^
I don't think you give off the wrong vibe, I think some guys think if you're friendly to them you wanna sleep with them and that's not always the case. :)
A lot of people take being friendly as being flirty, so I wouldn't feel bad :) There's no need to change how you are at all - if you're happy with yourself, keep doing what you're doing!