Monday, 04 April 2011
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The Twenty Year Lie
This guy's profile was smoking hot. A sexy, scruffy, tall, handsome 29 year old film director. Yes please.
And apparently Tom (let's just call him that) liked my profile too. We met up for drinks one weeknight at a classy basement pub with beers from all over the world. Tom looked exactly like his profile, with an added motorcycle to boot. When we started chatting, I noticed a hot accent, and a good taste in beer. The place was dimly lit and loud, so we sat in close to each other, which gave me a good chance to admire his handsome face. Tom's only flaw was the couple of grey strands in his hair - but hey better than the premature balding I saw on people even nine years his junior.
Things digressed - Tom somehow found a conversation topic that made us examine each other's hands, and then intertwine them, and then a peck on the hands and then... the evening ended with us desperately making out in the bushes of someone's front yard and Tom zipping down his fly. I decided to stick to my "no doing it on the first day you meet him!" rule and we made a second date instead of proceed.
The second date went predictably - Tom cooked me dinner at his place, which somehow turned into a massage and a bottle of wine and his bed. A couple of hours later, I was simmering happily in his silk-laden bed as he took a post-coitus shower. An inching suspicion came over me. The off-black hairs on his head haunted me. So I sneakishly peeked over at Tom's drivers license.
Tom was not 29. HE WAS 49. FORTY NINE!!! (This marked a 28 year age difference, new record!)
How could I have not noticed this whole time I was sleeping with someone almost eligible for the senior citizen's ticket discount!? But surprisingly, he had had such a nice body, face, and technique in bed that I had been willing to overlook the big, flashing warning sign on his head.
The night ended with a confrontation, an apology, a drive home, and me ignoring the rest of Tom's messages.
So, be careful kids, people lie on the internet. Since then, I've met a guy who subtracted 5 years from his age, and a guy who gave a false name. And they were dropped like flies before making first base. Make sure you trust your intuition and double-check inconsistencies. Or if not, make sure the face value is worth it over the embarrassment.Ever have a similar experience?
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About the Author
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- From: bradshaw2point0
- Name: bradshaw2point0
- About Me: I have been watching Sex and the City lately, triggered by my mom's advice. After watching for a while, I realized I had a lot in common with these girls. I had dated men of all kinds and had all sorts of wacky experiences and life lessons. Except almost all of them stemmed from the internet, somehow. I'm Carrie, if she were in her twenties now. I'm Carrie Bradshaw, version 2.0. (Though some say I'm more like Samantha )
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Comments (38)
Wait, why did you ditch him for being 49? He seems to still be young and vigorous, obviously attractive, and will be able to meet you halfway on mental and emotional issues, since his maturity level isn't below yours, like you're likely to find in men your own age.
Personally, I'd say that's a nice catch.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - yeah i'm not sure why she ditched either. lol.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - Probably because he lied. If he's going to lie about a stupid thing like his age, just to get a younger woman, he would lie about a lot of things, I'm sure.
I mean you were attracted to the man and he seemed to have everything together…. So you dropped him for a number on his ID? Oh well, since you are only 21 I guess I understand your reserves.
But take it from me. At 25 I have found that older guys who have kept it together and taken care of themselves are way better to date then guys your own age. Maybe it’s the maturity or the experience factor. I’m not sure. But give yourself time to grow up a little and you will find that certain older guys are awesome to date. Not to settle down with or have a serious relationship. But for a casual fling, hot, older guys can’t be beat!
@beebizzle@xanga - i agree with ya'll!
@KickDrumHeart - True.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - Agreed
I could never date someone that much older than me, but say that he was how she described him and I was a little interested. If I found out he lied to me about his age, I'd break things off no matter how much fun and how attractive he was. You don't want to be dating someone who was lying to you from the beginning about something like age.
Age is not just a number, sheesh. Sorry to say, I would never date someone old enough to be my father. Also, why bother with someone who lied about his age from the very start and continued to, no matter how deep things got? He obviously got what he wanted, a young girl for a good night's end.
@KickDrumHeart - Ah, that's true. And I suppose since he jumped the gun on the physical aspect, that's another red flag... Pity, though.
I disagree with you commenters. I think the writer did the right choice here for her. He lied! That's a no-no. Not a good way to start a relationship, if someone is seriously about it. And age is not just a number. I'm with anon and sunflowersforlove here. Smarties!
I've known an older guy, who lied about his age and one other older guy, who refused to tell me his age, but I could tell that he was older than the fake age that he put on his profile and liked him anyway because he is hot and has the toned body of guys in their mid 20's when he is probably double their age. the first guy, who was in his late 30's was caught in his lies by me, or I found out his age through no other than facebook and pretended that I didn't know because I was waiting for his own confession. he knew that I suspected something because I wasn't as talkative as I usually was, so later he felt guilty enough to rat himself out lol or I reverse manipulated him(for self defense purposes
) into a confession like those cops questioning suspects in the double mirrored room because I probably watched too much of those psychological thriller/investigative csi type of shows and learned how to pull tricks from my sleeve of my own
anyway, what he revealed was that he intentionally lies about his age in order to get with these younger women and he said that he prefers the younger girls because they are often naive, stupid and easy to manipulate whereas the more mature women can easily see through their b.s, because this older woman called him out on his pickup schemes and wasn't having it, so his pickup attempts are more successful with younger women. these guys are still my friends, not datable guys, but their sense of humor is compatible with me to be my casual friends.
To each their own, but personally, a 28 year difference is just gross to me. The guy sounds old enough to be her dad. Plus, he lied about his age obviously to get her to sleep with him. People should really be careful...
Ha, the guy I'm dating did that to me as a joke.
He was over, just sitting on my couch watching ESPN, when he casually said, "You know I lied about my age, right? I'm really almost 40." Needless to say I almost fucking died right then and there. He started laughing and pulled out his driver's license to prove that he was, in fact, only 7 years older than me like I originally believed, but my god, I swear my heart dropped faster than a skinny kid tied to an oil drum filled with concrete blocks to the bottom of a lake. He still talks about how great my expression was in that instance, haha.
I don't blame you for dropping him. Lying about your age is a no-no, mostly because you don't know what else he could be lying, omitting, or changing about his life to suit the image he wants you to believe.
WOW. Crazy that you didn't notice.
The second date ended PREDICTABLY in his bed? Maybe I'm still a prude in my young age...but that seems wayyy too quick to jump in the sack with someone..but to each their own i guess.
I like the way you wrote this. It was fun reading it.
I have mixed feelings. I think he didn't share his age maybe because he isn't looking to be tied down. You don't want to say you're 49 and then get a bunch of women thinking because you are older you want to be locked down. Or he has wife and kids somewhere and is cheating.
okay now that I've gotten that but if immaturity out of my system. I feel you have been played. He lied to you for one reason to get into your pants. If on the first date he is already focused on trying to have sex with you then that should be a warning sign already. I'm 25 years old. I have a Grey hair or two on my head but the way you describe it seems to be that there was more Grey hairs there to raise more than one red flag. Always trust your instincts.
This guy already sounds to me like a Pick up artist aka PUA ( Google it) he first gained your trust then moved on to getting you comfortable with touching him ( the hand intertwining) which means that he already had you comfortable with him touching you ( Reasonably of course). He had one goal and only one goal and that was to have sex with you. This guy defines the word scumbag. Now what scares me is who else has fallen for his crap.
She ditched him because that's just freaking weird to lie about your age! I had a similar experience right before starting college. I met a guy at a crappy high school party during the summer, who told me he was 21. That was ok because it was only a three year difference, he could buy me alcohol, and he was a senior in college, so he was obviously really cool. Three dates in, I found out he was actually 27, had graduated several years ago, and was a creeper trolling high school parties. Definitely not as cool.
So creepy guys who lie about their age aren't usually good guys.
Also, I don't care what anyone else says, 28 years is a HUGE gap. My dad is close to 28 years older than me, and they would probably have much more in common.
@GettingClosertoFine@xanga - He lied from the start, why would you stick around for that? And if someone lies over something so small in the beginning, what else are they hiding? What else would they lie about? I wouldn't stick around to find out or give them a chance to lie to me more.
@beebizzle@xanga - Are you crazy? He lied from the start!
@Voice of Experience - He lied from the beginning over something so small. Simple as that. He would continue to lie about other things if she stayed around. DUH! That doesn't sound like a guy who is mature and has it all together to me. I don't care what he has going for him, if a guy lies about something that small there is something wrong with him.
@sunflowersforlove@xanga - True story. You have the right idea girl. So many other people are commenting saying he is such a catch! I am like HELLLO he lied from the beginning. lol
@LovelyHeatherChan@xanga - Another smart girl I agree with.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - haha sounds like something my guy would do to me!
@Evil10@xanga - I agree with everything you said. You are so smart. I wish more girls would pick up on these types of guys.
everyone who thinks he's a catch is a fucking tard. a liar is not a catch.
you did the right thing. i've had a few experiences like that, though not quite as dramatic...
i met one kid for coffee and he told me he was an EMT. having JUST freshly gotten my emt license in my county, i whip out my new, shiny, county-issued emt card and say, "ME TOO!"
he then sheepishly proceeds to say, well, um, i'm not quite an emt, i mean, i took EMT school but i failed the national registry tests.
ha ha.
talk about awkward.
i agree that he shouldn't have lied. HOWEVER>>>>>>>she shouldn't have been a snoop either. If there was a question about him being honest, she should have asked for proof BEFORE sleeping with him.
Sounds like neither party has much self respect.
Oh, and gray hair alone doesn't mean someone is old. i dated someone who started going bald at the age of 17, and i had quite a few gray hairs in my 20's.
duh.. everybody lies about age on the internet..
well.. ok not everybody, but whats so strange about that? that's what its for, anonymity.. he probably isn't really a film director either..
seriously, having sex on the second date? that's way too easy for him.. girls have to be more careful and don't let yourself up so easily.. u don't know that person you're sleeping with after only 2 meetings..