I'm a loser, a total loser, this is what the dating world makes me feel.
3 years ago after a 5 year long relationship ended I was the happiest single person alive. I refused to go on dates for the first year, enjoying my single life again. Then 2 years ago I started dating again, but instead of getting some excitement into my life all it brought was insecurities and disappointment. I can't explain what I'm doing wrong. I'm not a serial dater, I go out on dates when I actually meet someone I like and seem to have something in common with, but it seems like I manage to scare them away even before the first date has ended.
There's nothing really scary about me, at least when you meet me first. I have a good job, I'm well educated, I have my own place and I look quite good. My only problem is that I'm scaring them, I don't know how to play by the rules and I hate the rules with a passion.
Take my last date for example. We met over a month ago and it's taken us 3 weeks to sort out a date. First he was busy, then I was away visiting my family. Before I went away he asked me to promise him that we'd meet as soon as I got back and so I did. We met the day after I got back and it was a wonderful date. We spent hours talking and when it ended he kept asking me if I want to see him again.
Then it all went downhill when I couldn't control my excitement and texted him how much I enjoyed our date when I got back home. I was pretty sure he was going to play it cool and ignore the text but he texted me back right away saying he had a wonderful time and added that he really wanted to give me a good night kiss and really wants to see me again as soon as he can. I suggested meeting up on the weekend which he happily agreed to.
Obviously I felt happy and flattered, it's been a while since someone said all those nice things to me after the first date. The day after, I decided to forget about all the rules and all the waiting crap and sent him a text saying hi and asking how he's been, but obviously I got ignored and never got a reply so decided to leave it.
Being useless and stupid I couldn't shake of the bad feeling of being ignored, so two days later I decided to text him and say hi again. What I really wanted to do was ask if he would like to meet again, so being the idiot that I am, I decide to ask him when he replied back if he'd like to meet again. Of course I never got a reply to that. It's been 3 days so I assume this is a done deal.
I think I actually sent the last message just to provoke him because I already felt it wasn't going in the direction I wanted and I hate practicing patience. I just wanted a confirmation that it wasn't really going anywhere.
It seems like it's something that just keeps happening to me over and over again.
I always try to be restrained and not chase or bother, but I think this is the first time I've actually lost my patience and decided I didn't want to be part of the waiting game....
But what should I do next? If it's all about being patient and giving them time, how come I never hear from them after the first date or two?
If I try and chase, it doesn't end up well either, so what's the right way to do it? Why does it have to be so difficult?
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Comments (19)
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If he's really into you, ignoring dating rules cannot scare him away.
It's mostly guys who don't know how much they're interested who need the
game to become more interested. So you either have to wait for someone
who is into you before he asks for a date (a close friend so to speak)
or you have to play by the rules.
I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I really want to know.. if you've
experienced again and again for 2 years that nothing good can come from
ignoring the waiting rules and other dating rules... why in the world do
you still keep doing it?? Do you not learn by mistakes? Or are you
afraid they might find something unlikeable about you so you
subconsciously screw it up before they have the chance to get to know
you better?
Honestly, you moved way too fast and it probably scared him off.
i don't see it as a game, i see it as patience, making him do a bit of work so you know he's really invested, and also as - you yourself said you were happy being single, you dont NEED a guy, so why would you want to come off that way?
= story of my life. Do you remember how your first relationship started?
I've done the same thing, but I've also waited for them to text me.. & trust me, me being patient is reeaally difficult. It definitely took effort. I still have trouble with dating. I find the guy who seems interested, txt him or let him txt me, we talk & hang out once or twice, than I never hear from him again. Even though he told me he enjoyed hanging out with me.
It sucks, but I know how you feel. I went to the club last week, not even looking for a guy. I was dancing with my friends when some guy came out of nowhere & asked if I wanted to dance. He didn't leave my side the entire night & now we're going on a date sometime this week. I'm not going to ask him about it, I'm just going to let him bring it up... Patience sucks.
..
I love that picture-- what an adorably nerdy play on words. Nice job, datingish.
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aww boo your not doing nothing wrong, unless your hiding something in that message. I mean that just sound retarded that yall have soooo much fun and a morning text message could just kill the mood sounds like a bunch of bull S H I T......dont feel bad this has happen to me once, honesty i gave it my three tries and left her alone completely. Its the people we choose to talk to i suppose. I now choose to do the gay ass friendship thing, meaning if i dont know you as a friend i might not talk to you because being stand up, or having high hopes for bull shit ass reasons, and more gets old. Honesty im dating a girl who was my friend and its working super good i know her ups and downs so does she knows mines. AND she text me first thing in the morning i either respond to it or dont but she does. It might just be the people you are talking too.
The guy sounds like a player.
He says he really enjoyed hanging out with you and then ignores you? Asshole!
If a guy doesn't ask you out for a second date then he isn't worth your time.
i don't know how you define "good job" or "well educated," but a lot of guys find that kind of thing intimidating. (don't ask me why, but i don't complain about having less competition.)
@SweetNGuilty@xanga - "If he's really into you, ignoring dating rules cannot scare him away." -- this is totally untrue. clinginess is a huge turn-off. and in any case, you can't expect a dude that she's just met to be that strongly into her (and yes, the same applies to girls).
You'll find someone else who isn't playing by "the rules" and you'll be happier for it.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I also said someone who's really into you would be someone who already knew her for a long time as a close friend. I didn't date that friend who fell in love with me when we were just friends, but I don't think he would have been turned off if I started to text him more often etc. I think he wouldn't have minded but loved the fact that his feelings are reciprocated.
He just sounds like a douche
Maybe he is just a douche, but did you ever actually say, "Hey i'd love to meet up sooner if you have a day off," or something like that. Maybe if you just came out and said it he'd reply back.
Well in Online pharmacy reviews there's psychological exams for this, you should get a therapist or something because feel you need help, or more dates or maybe you just want sex..
I THINK that he needs Generic Viagra, because If he's really into you, ignoring dating rules cannot scare him away...
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