Thursday, 31 March 2011
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Irreparable First Dates
First dates are magical things. They can hold all sorts of hope, potential, possibility. Probably in any relationship, it'll be the date with the most ripe conversation, the most effort put into makeup, and the most excitement.I'd like to think I've become pretty good at first dates. I know what to wear, what to ask, and I don't get those nervous butterflies anymore. But there's always the other half of the equation... and here we meet - tada - the disaster date!!
In the scary world of the internet, you get very good at psychoanalyzing chat messages if you've been here as long as I have. Every pause of a guy's reply shows potential ADD or lack of commitment. But then too hurried messages shows potential "stalkerness" or neediness. Phone calls are great too, because a man's voice can show his confidence, his intelligence, and his sexiness.
Sadly, there was an era where I didn't heed these signs so well, or didn't do enough investigation, or was just way too desperate for a date on a lazy summer. And there was a great tapas restaurant in the hip part of town that I was just dying to try! I agreed to meet up with disaster date of the century - let's call him Brad.
We met up in a bookstore. Brad was one of those tech-related kids, wearing a too-big button down shirt and khaki pants. And I was way too dressed up - including 3-inch heels which sadly put me two inches above him. Over IM, we discussed our hobbies, and discovered a mutual interest for science fiction. Brad showed up to the date with a book to lend me - how sweet! - a rare find by sci-fi author Philip K. Dick.
I did one of those Christmas-time put on a happy face "why, thank you! Oh how thoughtful!" deals when, flipping politely through the pages, I found a handwritten bookmark. A bookmark which read, "I hope you like my DICK!" Oh. Hmm. He laughed and pointed, "get it? haha," and all I could do was laugh politely along. Dinner ended up being expensive and Brad didn't make any offers to pick up my portion, despite him obviously expecting something later.
I looked at my watch, sighed about oh how late it was, oh how I must catch the train! Brad awkwardly, shakingly reached for my hand, and I just didn't have the heart to reject his small, sweaty palm. So I bared the walk to the train station, looking "coupley." And as I bared it, I wondered, maybe I can make myself like this guy. I mean, come on, how many men are okay with holding hands on the first date? That's sort of cute... right?
Was I really going to be shallow and hate him so quickly, just because of his unattractiveness, awkwardness, and bad taste in humor? I wanted to give him a chance, he seemed so happy. When we got to the train station, I tilted my head down an inch and we kissed.
It tasted exactly like the rich garlic tomato sauce in the tapas. I wanted to barf, and the wait for the train was all too long.
I learned that night that first impressions are important. And that you should say no as soon as you realize things are going downhill. And that you should always go to a restaurant that serves food you don't mind kissing.
Have any first-date horror stories you'd like to share?
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About the Author
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- From: bradshaw2point0
- Name: bradshaw2point0
- About Me: I have been watching Sex and the City lately, triggered by my mom's advice. After watching for a while, I realized I had a lot in common with these girls. I had dated men of all kinds and had all sorts of wacky experiences and life lessons. Except almost all of them stemmed from the internet, somehow. I'm Carrie, if she were in her twenties now. I'm Carrie Bradshaw, version 2.0. (Though some say I'm more like Samantha )
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Comments (11)
Not really. A lot of my dates have gone pretty well and I've even started dating right after them.
Oh I wish I did...but I don't.
My only really bad date was with a guy who barely said two words to me the entire time (despite my best efforts to start a conversation), and then, at the end of the night, he tried to kiss me, and got really offended when I rejected him! Sorry dude, but at least try and start a conversation and talk to me before you try to hit on me!
wow. he didn't have the decency to pop a mint?
lol, yes... no italian restaurants... although my first date with a guy at the beginning of march was in an Italian and it wasn't too bad... maybe the date wasn't a disaster
Hum.. I had a few first dates before.. I can usually tell something about a guy from it. For my first ex, cheapness and awkwardness. He didn't offer to pay for skate rentals except he did pay for a very cheap foodcourt dinner-_- I didn't even get the choice to go to somewhere better, he chose to eat foodcourt food for a first date..
For my recent ex, I had a lot of fun, learned a lot more about him from the chats and he did offer to hold my hand too, I thought it was cute. However, he also made some other moves too early. He touched my chin, arm and leg.. gave me the creeps but I gave him another chance for a better date after that. He chose a mediocre diner but it was better than what the first ex gave me. He also bought me roses, thought it was sweet:)
I once met a guy at Panera while I was writing a paper. He was sitting at the table behind me and I thought he was really attractive. I wasn't going to give him my number because I don't like giving it to people I don't know, but he changed my mind. There was a person in a wheelchair trying to get in the door, and I was about to get up and open it for them, but he beat me to it. No one else in the restaurant had even moved (from what I could see), which I thought was inconsiderate. So I figured he must be a nice guy.
We went out that night, just walked around this park. He spent the entire ride to the park talking about himself and how attractive he was, how he used to be a model and such. When we got to the park, less than an hour into the conversation, he asked me how soon I'd be willing to sleep with him. I told him I hadn't planned on it, especially since we'd just met and all, and he said "well, this relationship is over then." And then proceeded to drag out the date for two more hours. I told him I really didn't want to talk about sex, again, since we'd just met and all, and he said "oh, okay." Then he proceeded to tell me his entire sexual history, starting with some messed up early encounters in his teens and progressing into his twenties (he was 30). Then he noticed I wasn't saying anything and said, "Talk." (How's that for a conversation starter?)
I asked him normal stuff, like about his family and where he grew up and what he studied in college and what he did for a living. He answered all of those questions briefly, then went back to talking about his sexual history. Add to this excruciating encounter the fact that he made me stand in the grass next to his car and listen to him talk, and I happened to be wearing heels, so my feet were tired and my heels kept sinking into the ground, which was really uncomfortable.
Needless to say, we never went out again.
He dislocated my hip.
We went to a bar on a four wheeler, he got too drunk and I didn't realize he was over his limit (even though I was sober - I just thought that was how he acted all of the time!). Anyway, flipped the four wheeler over, hip dislocated, I ended up going to the ER in a tow truck, ALONE.
It would have ended there, except that he had my wallet and cell phone and I was living in a cabin without running water, so I asked if I could stay at his house until I was allowed to drive again.
And we lived happily ever after...
I feel like I wouldn't kiss the guy unless I felt like it was going to lead to a second date, but maybe that's just me. I wouldn't want to lead him on. That being said, I haven't gone on many first dates (actually, just one that did not lead to another).
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