Monday, 28 March 2011
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Would You Stay or Would You Go?
Let's say you've been with someone for a little over a year. Everything's fine in the beginning, 'til one day a few months into the relationship, you look through their email only to see that they're signed up on multiple dating sites and talking to others behind your back. You confront them, they say there was no physical contact, only emails.Your significant other is also shady with their email, phone and other electronic devices. When you confront them about things of the past and stuff you find peculiar in the recent, they say that your lack of trust and imagination has created scenarios in your head, making you feel like it's your fault. This person also dislikes your friend of many years because they are of the opposite sex, and you've had a past with them a long while ago.
Finally, a year later you're fed up and you eventually leave. The significant other tells you that you are wrong for leaving even though you had tried to work it out many times before, and nothing seemed to be changing. The significant other wants to be with you again, but you don't see that things will be different due to the fact that many behaviours are still the same even though you're gone.
They have even said that your rules don't apply to them while you are gone/not together. As in, they can act as if they're single and do as they please, but tell you they love you and want to be with you. So my question is, if there was a child involved in all of this, would you stay or leave your significant other?
SN: The child won't be here for another three months.
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- From: thatswhatbradysaid
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Comments (78)
leave dude, that's totally unhealthy. you can always do better and a child does not deserve to be brought up thinking that that's how things should be.
Leave. What's worse is having your child watching the same thing between you and your SO again in the future, which is more than likely to happen. All the best! :)
leave. you are only showing your child what a relationship should be, and by staying you are showing them this type of behavior is acceptable.
I would do whats best for you, Because ok there is a child involved so if you stay with him, are things going to get worse and do you want your child around this. they will think it is ok.
I find it very disrespectful for your OTHER to be on dating sites that just shows no respect for you, himself, or the relationship.(no im not saying dating sites are bad, only if you are on one while in a relationship.)
I think if you can look past that and can work things out then by all means stay with him.
But other than that i would say LEAVE him
I would think that leaving would be the best option. I don't think it would be healthy to bring a child into a relationship where there is a lot of distrust, and arguing. If they don't respect you now, it's highly unlikely that it will change anytime soon. I'm not saying it won't change, but usually a change like that would take a long time. I've been there, & it's been three years since I left & he still hasn't changed. It may hurt like hell, but you have to think about the child. Of course leaving the relationship behind doesn't mean that the child can't know them... sometimes that's the best way to have things. Without the arguing & drama. Good luck! :)<3
Leave.
i would leave. it sounds like you've exhausted a lot of your options and already tried working it out.
Simple as this. if you doubt or have no trust, leave. no point being in a relationship with someone if your stressing every few hours about them.
I mean all of that is wack and you should leave him, but yeah, when you leave him, he's pretty much free to do what he wants. So you're not going to be with him but you're going to expect him to be faithful? To who? lolwut
Well...you have no idea how the child might change his behaviors, but you're already apart so just stay that way. My parents don't always get along, but I am a big part of why they stay together and I respect them for that.
leave. he's not that 'significant'... sounds easily replaceable to me.. and EASILY upgradeable... being with a guy who acts single? sounds like tons of fun.
You should definitely leave. Sounds like you've tried everything, and he's not going to change. You don't want your child growing up in that situation. Good luck!
I would still leave, no doubt about it. That guy sounds emotionally abusive to me.
you want this asshat as a parent to your child? LEAVE.
Leave. Read their actions, not their words. Words are cheap and easily said. Make it a habit; with a kid, you don't want to go through this stuff, because they have to go through it with you.
And don't have any more kids until you're married.
move on. said person is an ass.
@WaitingToShrug@xanga - Amen to everything you said.
That's definitely a tough one. But all things considered, I think it would be best for you and the baby to not be involved with this person, at least not in a relationship way. If the child is his, I guess it would be okay to let him see the child and all that, but I don't think being in a relationship with this person would help you, or the child, in any way. If you can't trust the person and they don't trust you, no matter what the reasons, it's never going to be easy or healthy to try and maintain a relationship and a family while working through that.
Leave.
I would cut all ties and start a new life with my child without him.
hypothetically, I wouldn't continue to have sex with and possibly get pregnant with a guy, who disregards and disrespects my feelings, then be stuck with a jerk's child:x
Child or not, that is an extremely unhealthy relationship.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Especially the second part.
Go.
I think leaving would be the better option. The other parent is entitled to visitation rights, but it would not be fair or kind to the child to stay with your partner when you've got all this going on. The child doesn't need to be caught in the middle, watching mommy and daddy fight and scream at each other all the time. In short, you have to think what is best for the child.
let him into the child's life, but he has no place in yours if he's unwilling to change the way he's acting for you. he seems extremely stubborn and uncompromising.