Sunday, 27 March 2011
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So... What Do You Think of Her?
My uncle Jack called the other day to say he'd be in Brooklyn this weekend, so last night we met for a beer. In keeping with the recent theme of my life whereby I think I'm meeting one person and end up meeting many people, my uncle introduced me to his girlfriend (Nina) and her 23-year-old daughter, who in turn introduced me to all of her friends - as it was, in fact, her birthday celebration.When Jack asked me later in the night what I thought of his girlfriend, I told him she seemed nice because that's what he wanted to hear. But, truth be told, if Nina had pat my head ONE more time on her way to the bar or the bathroom, I'm not sure I would have been able to keep my real thoughts to myself.
I'm sorry, but it has to be said somewhere: Nina was loud and shallow and patronizing, the type of person who asks questions but doesn't listen to the answers. She was a bully to my sweet, soft-spoken uncle - the only other person there her age - while she fairly frothed at the mouth for attention from her daughter's sexy young friends.
At one point while she was taking pictures I offered to take one of mother and daughter together. I suppose I made a huge faux pas by not counting aloud to five before I took the picture, because when the flash went off it happened to be at a supremely unflattering moment for Nina, who subsequently exclaimed: "what are you, retarded?"
That's right. The woman is twenty years my senior, and she actually called me retarded. She didn't laugh and say, "just kidding, let's take another and please count aloud this time." She turned to her daughter, who had earlier apologized that her mother was "already drunk" and scoffed as though I actually had a mental deficiency.
Even if it weren't a huge pet peeve of mine when people use words like gay and retarded as insults, Nina would still not have escaped the blacklist. And yet, if you were to ask my uncle, he would say I think she's... nice.
Have you ever lied to a friend or family member about your opinion of their SO?
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (30)
...... no words..I guess i'm less patient than you are..I would have bitched her out lol
you should've said something like 'shes. fine''''.... or else said, oh shes okay.... being vague is sometimes best. lying isnt so good, people dont want the truth but i think he also wouldnt want to be stuck with that psycho
I probably would have said something along the lines of "she's an acquired taste," so that I could convey my disapproval without looking like I was trying to start a fight.
I haven't been asked but my older family members loves to volunteer their opinions about family member couples anyway, and they don't hold back. my aunt called her son's gf fat and old looking but it wasn't when she was there though because when his gf is there, she acts all nice when she can't stand her. how lovely.
In the heat of the moment I think it's fine to just say that because you don't want to cause a commotion. But I definitely think you should take the person aside maybe the next day or so and really talk about them honestly...there's no excuse to not. So again, in a situation like that, it's fine to lie just to keep the peace but you should eventually give a more honest answer especially if it bothers you so much and it's evident you have a case to make.
I am far to fond of volume. If I don't like someone, I usually speak my mind once, and then let them know I'll be quiet (until I get to say I told you so ^.~)
Every GF I've had, my family has lied to me about their true feelings in order not to hurt me... and since they couldn't hide their feelings well, it was always akward and her feeling those feelings eventually affected the relationship.
@Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga - agreed
i sure hope she was just drunk..or something.. :/ that sucks that the night didnt go well. Try giving her ONE more chance, for your uncle, and if that encounter is bad as well, id tell the truth. But do so in a way that doesnt hurt your uncle's feelings...love is blind and he's probably not seeing what the truth is. Good luck!
One Word For her Bitch !!
I call it like I see it most of the time. I wouldn't make any statement to a persons personality that isn't true. I would have dodged the question unless if I was pulled directly under it. If that happened they would know exactly what I thought.
yes i learned you should really just keep your mouth shut. one of my friends is dating a guy i find not good but i am not going to tell her what i really think. because you tell someone who to love unfortunately they have to figure it out on their own.
no, i'm always honest about that.
@XoxoAshleyElizabethXoXo@xanga - Agreed! You should give your uncle's gf another chance, sometimes first impressions aren't exactly accurate and if she's like that again another time, you should confront .__.''
@lforletty@xanga - yeah exactly, like ive recently messed up a first impression due to alcohol...happens to the best of us haha ;P
Yes, I have...and now I regret it, because they're in an unhealthy (emotional) relationship...I feel as though I should have been honest. :-/
honestly, i wouldn't disrespect someone and be like you're not good enough for my so and so, but if i didn't think highly of someone dating anyone close to me. i would tell that person my concerns and what they should look out for if i see any red flags. i would feel terribly guilty if me saying something could of saved them from getting hurt.
I haven't had a friend whose SO I disliked. Family SOs and family friend SOs on the other hand... but they suit their respective partners, who I have little to do with anyway, so I couldn't give a damn. People haven't asked what I think of their partners anyway, or have when I barely know them, so I couldn't give an accurate answer anyway beyond first impressions.
@Wait_by_Moonlight@xanga - agreed.
Wow. How awful of her behavior! I don't know what would be the right thing to tell your uncle, I am sure you would not want to hurt him. I do think that her behavior was not caused by drunkedness based on how her daughter acted, the apple does not fall far from the tree. You do not have to be your uncle's girlfriend's best friend. If he doesn't ask what you think, maybe you should keep it to yourself unless you witness her hurting him. If he does ask, I would just focus on her behavior rather than pointing out personality defects.
Personally, and unfortunately, I have pointed out to a friend and my sister about their significant other. Especially my sister, I do not want her to get hurt, but I saw it heading that way. She's cute, friendly, smart, lots of great traits, but she's with this guy who doesn't seem like a good guy. He's selfish and often dishonest. I also understand that he has strong family ties because of his culture, which is not a bad thing, except it dictates all the things she hopes to have for herself. She doesn't see how he behaves and she won't listen to me so I am going to let her decide for herself. Sad she's going to marry this guy. I really hope I am wrong and that she'll be happy, though.
I wish your uncle luck.
"Have you ever lied to a friend or family member about your opinion of their SO? "
Never. Absolutely not. My best friend's brothers both have a habit of dating icky women. My friend, and her parents, continuously bitch about it, to each other (and me, I'm like family), but never say anything to whichever brother about the girl. Why? To "protect feelings."I think it is worse to talk trash behind someone's back, and then find out another way that your mom hates your partner. Also, doesn't your family know you? Love you? If they do, they want whats best for you. Yes there are exceptions to that, but so few. Your family is looking out for you, and sometimes bringing forth the issues your to twitterpatted to see.
My brother and I have a very honest relationship with this stuff. There have been a few times where he's told me straight out "I don't think your boyfriend treats you well." I asked him for this kind of relationship because I think its important, because I know my brother want what's best for me.
i swear to my dad's girlfriend in front of him LOL shes such a bitch.
I would have just let loose right when she started to get on my nerves. I honestly have no patience for ignorant people. I would've just told uncle that I didn't like her, even if he wanted to hear it or not he asked for the truth, and thats what I would give him.