I have begun seeing my ex-boyfriend again. Though not in the way that we were seeing each other before. We dated for over two years and the result was a disastrous relationship: lying, trust issues, constant arguing, constant third-party intervention. It wasn't pretty and we went our separate ways. For a while.
We've always had an undeniable attraction to one another. Few were the times that we were in the same confined space that did not lead to something physical happening. This attraction coupled with our going to the same college and sharing many of the same friends, meant that we soon found ourselves tossing around in bed again.
But things are different. We've learned to be friends again, so we get along in a way that we never did as a couple. So much of the pressure and obligations that come with a traditional relationships are gone. It is easier, lighter, freer, and at the end of the day I am much happier than I was before. In any relationship to be exact.
Of course the whole situation is based on a delicate series of balances. Ground rules have to be set and boundaries have to be made sure not to be crossed, but overall, when done properly it can function much better than a typical relationship.
So perhaps I am the issue, I'm just not the "in a relationship" kinda girl. Maybe removing some of the obligations of relationships allows for people to just be around each other when they like, and to do so pleasantly. Either way, regardless of how my current "situationship" ends, I think I'll be an "open relationship"/ "it's complicated" girl from here on out.
Have you ever tried a friends with benefits sort of situation? How did it work out for you?
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I had a friends with benefits relationship when I was in high school. We didn't have sex because I didn't want to lose my virginity to someone I wasn't serious about. It was a lot of fun though. We did a lot of crazy things in crazy places. It definitely was the least stressful 'relationship' I've ever had. As far as it goes with what I like though, I'm much more of a relationship person and I'm happier in my relationship with my boyfriend than I was with my fwb. Although, years after we stopped hooking up, we ended up talking on Facebook and he told me that he wished he had the balls to ask me to be in a relationship with him because after we parted ways and he started dating other girls, he realized that he had actually liked me in a more than friends way. I didn't reciprocate those feelings though haha.
Good luck with that :)
no, I can't be in a fwb. either he is all mine or he isn't. I can't stand the thought of him seeing other girls while he's with me if it is an open relationship. it'll just make me feel like a call girl or he's a gigolo.
I was in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy for almost 6 months. There was amazing physical chemistry between us, but I could never actually see myself dating just him. The main reason that ended was because he started to want to be more than FWB. I turned him down but we still hooked up for a little while after that until I met a guy that made me want to be in a relationship. We still hang out and things are still comfortable between us, we just don’t have sex anymore.
FWB with an ex? Really? I'm sorry, but I think that's really, really stupid. You're asking for trouble. There are old emotions there by the sounds of it, and continuing something physical with him is not going to end nicely.
I had a successful FWB situation with a guy for over a year. I was studying abroad, so neither of us wanted the restrictions of a relationship. We never slept together, just did everything upto that. We're still great friends now, even though I've got a boyfriend at the moment. I think they can work, but not with an ex-partner. You're just asking to get your heart broken.
I really quite dig FWB/open relationships for the same reasons, but I would definitely be careful in your situation because it's a little different trying to make it work with someone you had a serious relationship with before. If you start out as FWB it can usually go pretty well, but I think I'd personally have a hard time not developing feelings for someone I'd already had a pretty serious relationship with. Either way, it's your decision, and if you can restrict yourself from those feelings than more power to ya! Good luck.
I had one with a friend when I was single. We would hang out regularly, but we'd also get physical when we wanted to. It was non-exclusive, so we could and did see other people, but we always knew there was regular sex available when we wanted it.
It was structured like a business contract and we actually set down rules to prevent emotional attachments from forming. No cuddling or couple-y post-sex talk and if any emotional attachments were made, the emotionally attached had to tell the other person immediately and we'd end the arrangement indefinitely. The visitor (usually me) was also discouraged from staying or hanging around after sex; it was pretty much show up, do the deed, and leave. Also if either of us found a potential SO and started dating, we would respect that and end the arrangement.
It was actually pretty successful. No drama whatsoever.
Two years with one guy. Saw other people at the same time/would leave him when I was with them, but I don't think he did. He ended up keeping his feelings for me and I stopped caring about six months in (when he told me he didn't want to date me). How did it end? He met someone and is now dating her. And I'm single. Still.
Never had one and never would do it with an ex either. It is asking for trouble.
im in one with my ex right now, and it is hard to keep your feelings out of it, but you know them so wellit works too. as long as you BOTH can keep feelings in check and talk openly about what you want out of it, it can work
Sounds a lot like my situation, and it's been great! We somehow managed to beat the odds...I honestly thought for quite a while that he was "the one", and he's the only person who's really broken my heart. But after some time apart after the breakup and a little bit of initial awkwardness, we've managed to keep a good on-and-off FWB situation going for about 2 1/2 years now. Both of us have even gotten into other relationships during that time, and when that happens, we turn off the "benefits" part and just stay friends...although more distant friends than normal, out of respect for my/his relationship. Just make sure you keep the line of communication open. There were a couple times when my feelings for him started creeping back, and I just flat out told him that we needed to take a break for a while so things wouldn't get messy.
It's definitely not a good situation for everyone, but it CAN work for some people.
I'm in one with my ex too. I know that, to some people, it seems dangerous and absurd but he and I stopped having feelings for each other a ridiculously long time ago. We can joke about our relationship and know for a fact that we have no feelings for each other; it's just no-strings-attached sex. Granted, sex with a friend is nowhere near as exciting and fun as sex with a lover, but sometimes people have needs that they want to fulfill.
:)
I'm in one now, and it's going well so far. Some days we don't have sex, she'll just stop by and hang out. We're pretty relaxed about the arrangement.
so i love this post. i've been thinking over the same. exact. situation. my ex boyfriend and i dated a long time ago and were a really strange couple even though we got along really well and everything. and he's one of my best friends now, and we hooked up once and it was fun but we didn't go that far and i was "on a break" but still technically with my ex boyfriend so he felt guilty and i felt guilty even though my ex didn't even care when i told him. but now i'm still super attracted to him and he still has that leftover guilty feeling and doesn't want to act on it. =/
i was basically dating this guy for about a month when he called it off. we decided that we could still be friends and then decided that we could still have sex too. which was fine, it went well like that for a while, up until last month. he confessed that he really cared about me/loved me and it just messed up my whole mind set. not that i didn't care for him (and i guess loved him on some level...? i never really thought about it), but i just wasn't expecting it. i thought it was strictly friends with benefits, not anything more. and tonight he told me that if he wasn't moving across the country and things were a little different, he'd want me to be his girlfriend. it's just weird. not what i was expecting at all, and that makes things messy... it sucks. ugh.
I had a little FWB thing going with a guy that I am friends with but we were both curious about hooking up for awhile. Now his ex, the love of his life, is coming back into the picture...sooo..I guess our little party is over, but it was pretty sweet, and I'm not sorry I took the opportunity when it presented itself. Damn good memories.
Yeahhhh.... it doesn't work. At least in my experience. Perhaps I am the problem, who knows, but it def doesn't work.
I did a fwb thing with a guy friend for a while, but both of us are hugely into physical touch as a means of expressing yourself (and why not you're already having sex) so, we did cuddle. A lot. I was still obsessing over someone else (who long story short i couldn't be with) and my fwb partner was starting to obsess and fall in love with me. I didn't want to date him. If I had, it wouldn't have been a fwb "relationship" to begin with. So that ended. I'm not in a happy relationship with a great guy, but he is single & heart broken.
Yeah, I guess I'm an asshole? Idk. But eventually, someone's feelings will get hurt.
@P0RCELA1N_D0LL@xanga - exactly the same here
I get so easily attached to people, any kind of hook-up or FWB couldn't happen. I met my now-boyfriend almost 2 years ago, and a couple of months of being friends-with-benefits wasn't enough. He had asked me out, but it was right after a nasty breakup with a huge douchebag and I thought I wanted to play and mess around...and ended up only playing around with him, innocent stuff of course. We hit it off so well that after a while, I couldn't take not being an item, and he agreed.
To me, life's better when I have someone solid at my side. My boyfriend has become my constant partner in everything. :)
Lol. I had a fwb. He's a best guy friend, and when it began becoming romantic, I was in a relationship. I never slept with him. I just fooled around and kissed him. It was enjoyable, but then we both realized it was getting boring so we reverted back to just plain platonic friends who indulge in personal secrets a lot. I don't regret anything. I realize fooling around with him while having a boyfriend wasn't the smartest choice, but I don't really care now. I'm in a steady, new relationship, with enough happiness so I don't have to turn to anyone for extra romance. My ex-fwb is still a best guy friend.
I'm kind of in this situation with my ex, except we still have feelings for each other. We're just not in a relationship because he doesn't think he can handle it right now. It's pretty tough 'cause we're each others' best friends and we're so used to being a couple that things get confusing -.-
I was seeing guy A for at least 3 months, but then the flame was kinding dying. We still made it clear that we're still seeing each other, and that it was just a phase. Suddenly guy B comes a long, and of course, he's new, fresh, and I was still technically 'single', and so I became friends w/ benefits with him while I was still seeing guy A.
With guy B, it's all about sex, whereas guy A is about emotions + sex
Since then, my relationship with guy A has been really awesome, and we're officially a couple now. But when we made it official, I did not tell guy B because
1. I didnt know how to tell him
2. He didnt come around so much and everytime he did, I refused because I was too busy with school
so I just hoped that he would move onto another chick or just forget me since I was really busy.
But just today he contacted me and wanted to "hang out". I refused and told him that I am no longer interested, and to find another girl..
He asked me if I had a bf and I said yes and he responded that I should have just told him that right when I became official...and that was the end of guy B and I.
We're still friends, but it's awkward whenever we see each other.
I have a feeling that unless you make it really clear that you don't want to become romantically involved, nothing bad would come out of it..but chances are, one person will always get hurt.
My best friend is actually going through something similar. Her and her ex boyfriend had major trust problems when they were together. Now that they're broken up, the sex is supposedly better than it was when they were together, and they never fight now.