Friday, 25 March 2011
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Why We Have SEX
"Trapped in their cozy catacombs, the couples have made sex by turns their toy, their glue, their trauma, their therapy, their hope, their frustration, their revenge, their narcotic, their main line of communication and their sole and pitiable shield against the awareness of death. Adultery, says Updike, has become a kind of imaginitive quest for a successful hedonism that would enable man to enjoy an otherwise meaningless life..."- Time Magazine on Couples
I read this on the first page of a book I bought off Bedford at a place called Junk. I picked it up (from above the complete works of Charles Darwin) because I vaguely remembered being assigned an Updike reading once by my cool high school English teacher who occasionally smelled of pot.Now, I think sex can be a healthy and beautiful thing - a veritable wellspring of intimacy, joy and consciousness. But everything is double-sided, and anything so powerful is at risk of being co-opted and corrupted by its flawed human participants.
I read narcotic and heard the voices of lovers past: I'm addicted to you. You're like a drug.
Blowing everything off to spend whole days in bed, delirious.What we say with our bodies that we can't put to words.
'Guilt Sex' a close second to 'Makeup Sex'. Sex Martyrdom.
My body saying yes while my mind said I'm sorry.My body saying yes while my mind said I don't know who you are.
My body saying yes while my mind said I don't know who I am.
My body saying fine while my mind said I love you and it terrifies me.
Be honest. What roles has sex had in your life?
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (25)
Sex only happened in my life when my SO and I share that connection. We have hormones that rush through us and would like that action.
Sex only happens for me when i'm in Love..... and I don't mean puppy love either.
I don't think I've ever had sex for myself. It was always because the other person wanted to. So it was like, my body saying yes while my mind said please hurry up and be done. :/
My SO and I incorporate sex into our relationship as we do kissing and hugging. It's only a further proclamation of love for the two of us. It feels good because we feel good about each other, and we each want to show each other affection on a higher level than usual. Even if it's risqué, gets dirty or even kinky, you can still see that we are both gentle and affectionate during the entire session.
If you are able to reach such a level with your partner, you'll feel that it's not just another "human urge". We all have urges and needs, but when you have love, there really isn't anything else you need.
Cheesy, I know.
@HollowTendencies@xanga - that makes me really sad for you :(
escape, control, outburst, and of course the best one being fun and affectionate.
Sex has played a bigger role in my life than I am proud to admit, but I have used sex to say things like "I don't want to lose you," "I love you," "I"m scared shitless," "I'm sorry,". Things that most people have tried to communicate through sex.
To me, sex is an intense connection between two people who love each other. I've never been enough in love to have sex, unfortunately...
I don't have pity sex, so I've never thought I'm sorry. is it because the person feels guilty for doing something wrong, so having sex with their s.o. is a way to apologize
I'm usually thinking: I want you. I need you. I adore you. I love you.
Interesting post :) My husband and I were both virgins until our wedding night, so sex and intimacy of that sort are very personal for him and I as it's something we've only ever shared together. It's sad that so many people these days see sex as really nothing...hence all the one night stands. But I agree with you (poster) in saying that sex is a beautiful thing :)
the only time i've had sex was my body saying yes and my mind thinking "what the hell am i doing and why. too late to back out now..."
or just generally for the other person's benefit.
I've had a whole bunch of different kinds of sex. There have been one night stands with boys whose names I didn't even know as a way to forget about my ex (which I regretted instantly, even during). I've also had friends with benefits relationships, where I kind of liked the guy or we were just really good friends and for the most part it's usually nice and relaxed (but always ends up with someone's feelings hurt, in my experiences). I've also had the most amazing, meaningful, perfect sex with someone I loved more than anything in the world and NOTHING can compare to that.
I took it for granted for a long time, around 3 years. Its great, needed for a healthy relationship, and should be treated with respect if you value your health nowadays. I cant do open relationships and one night stands because I dont have sex with someone Im not emotionally attracted to. Sex for me isnt just an animal thing. Ive never met anyone whose brought that out in me except my ex, but I was in love with him as well.
It plays the role of intimacy between my bf and I. We're in love, and it just brings us closer together. It's the sharing our feelings even more. Our love.
I love sex. I love it for it's own sake. I like how fun it is and how it lets me tune out the rest of the world for awhile. I also think it's a really interesting way to get to know another person deeper, the way they relate sexually is an extension of their personality. I'd say I've hardly ever had sex as an expression of love, though I've loved everyone I've ever had sex with. It's too risky and intimate to do with someone I don't fully trust, but I don't feel overly romantic when I am doing it. I don't feel like a guy loves me because he's fucking me.
Fun, revenge (yes, revenge), stress relief, to eliminate boredom. You'll notice love is not included in this list. This isn't an accident. Not to say I couldn't have sex for reasons of love, I just haven't had the chance.
Sex is only a part of my life when I am 100% sure I am in love. And I have only had this bond with one person. So therefore, he gets all of my love, closeness, care, intimacy...because he has completely earned it. And *only* him. :)
It's purpose...for fun, for pleasure, for expressing deep love. I wouldn't just do it for him. It has always been for both of us.
Currently, drug and appreciation.
@wizard_howl@xanga - This.
Sex is great! I don't really use it for a purpose other than to cure my horniness, lol. Someday I'd like to use sex to make babies, but probably not until after the wedding. <.<
But, in all seriousness, sex is a great emotional connection between my fiance and me. Even afterward, lying there together all sexed out is the greatest <3
@donspike@xanga - I agree
@ccccourage@xanga - I totally agree. Sex, especially with the right person, is incredible. I also love the whole "tuning out the rest of the world" part.
<3 i love it there. Has this grandma's basement feel to it. bought some really great necklaces there
Love, lust, revenge, escape, connection, need for human contact, boredom, curiosity.
And all of those with only four people.@HollowTendencies@xanga - I understand :( been there, done that!