Wednesday, 23 March 2011
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When You Just Can't Imagine It
My four best friends are all in my immediate family. This wasn't always the case; in fact I pretty much tortured my younger sister for the first twelve years of her life. But now that we are - ahem - adult enough to be best friends, the demands of life dictate that we don't get to see each other as often as we used to.It's so strange - you spend all of your days together for so many years, and then someone moves to Boston and someone moves to New York and someone gets a significant other and suddenly the family is only reunited in its entirety once or twice a year.
But this weekend was one of those times. The clan came down to New York, and it was glorious. I felt at home, surrounded by the people that make me feel most like myself. On our last night together we were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in Manhattan, making soft primal sounds at each other in honor of the deliciousness.
I looked up and caught a warm gaze from my sister, and I suddenly realized that I could not imagine introducing the guy I'm dating to these, the most precious people in my life, whose opinions I value above all others.
It's not that he's hideous or boring or dumb. He's very sharp and very handsome and I quite enjoy his company. I don't know what it is. I just can't imagine it. I can't imagine he and my brother talking about music, which is something they have in common, or he and my sister making jokes about how mean I was to her when we were kids. I can't imagine my father asking him what he does for a living, or my mother asking about his parents.
It's not that I think he would flounder. It's not that I fear my family wouldn't like him. The image is literally just not accessible to my brain. I just. Can't. Picture it.
I've definitely had the opposite experience, to be fair. There have been times in my romantic past when my overactive imagination leads me to wonder what our kids might look like. But this is the first time that I really like someone... and just can't imagine it.
Should I be concerned about my lack of imagination? How does your (in)active imagination impact your relationships?
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About the Author
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- From: ThatBirdisAbsurd
- About Me: I just moved to New York after studying and living abroad for five years in Canada, Europe and India. One amazing thing about being back in America: knowing EXACTLY how to say what you want to say, RIGHT when you want to say it. English makes dating a lot easier.
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Comments (11)
hmmm.
I never thought about those things. I just lived my life and enjoyed my relationships. It never occurred to me that I should have imagined what was going to happen when the family/friends met the person I was dating.
maybe you know that your family will love him because he is all these great things and maybe love him too much or more than you or not more but you'll feel jealous that he took some attention away from you, so he'll be like a part of your family later if you get closer, so you don't want him to get that close, because you're possessive and they are your family. one of my guy friends told me that he didn't like how his girlfriend got so close to his friends and they seemed to like her more than him even though those are his best friends and not hers lol maybe this is your case, maybe not. just another scenario
well i think that you should probably stop trying to imagine it and just do it for real - and THEN judge based on stuff that ACTUALLY occurs. my imagination often runs away with me, but i have found that reality often keeps it in check.
sometimes it's better not to have any preconceived notions about how the encounter would go. as long as you're willing to introduce him to them at some point in time when it does get serious, then there's no problem, i think. for now, it's good to just take it as it comes.
@cubancutiepie@xanga - Agreed
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato@xanga - Agreed! To the OP, don't overthink it.
haha yeah just do it, so then you can stop imagining or Non-imagining it
I think you should give him a fair shot at it at least... you're overthinking things. Possibly you're just feeling protective/possessive of your family, like you don't want to "share" them for some reason.
I think it's natural to feel this way and say that only introduce him to your family if /when you are comfortable with the idea
Ummm... The fact that you listed that you "couldn't" imagine how he and your brother talking about music, or he and your sister making jokes, or your father asking him what he does for a living, or his mother asking him about his parents... It kinda just made you imagine it... Not in the normal sense that you can see it in your head... But you've thought about it... Which is kinda the same thing...