I just went through the process of my divorce. The reason for my divorce? FACEBOOK.
I used to have a Facebook that was more of a "fake account." I didn't even put my real name on that account. Through it, I met some people who became my friends and some of these people were men. In the account we would just comment random nonsense and bullshit. My now ex-husband, did not like the fact that I was doing that.
When he found out about my Facebook, he was so mad that he wrote on my business website and to my boss and office, telling them that I had an affair with these men from my Facebook. At the same time, he also "black-mailed" my boss, telling him to give him money.
The truth is, I did not have an affair at all. Everything on my facebook was fake and I never met these people in real life. To me, the account was made for fun and more of a joke. I had told my husband about the Facebook account before, but he ignored me at the time.
I am more successful than my ex-husband at my career, and in the past 12 years of our marriage, he would always cause so much trouble and drama in my company. Maybe it was jealousy?
But nevertheless, I loved him even if he had a very bad temper most of the time. During our process of divorce, I had agreed to come back to him after a few years, just because my daughter is only 1 years old and I feel so lost without him, and I want my daughter to have a father. I'd like to believe that his character will change after we had time away from each other.
He tells me that he loves me so much, and sometimes I feel that his love is just showing over protectiveness. However, my family tells me that he is too controlling... and I can understand. Sometimes, I just feel so secure when I am with him. I felt so lost during our divorce process, but I got used to not having him around after a while.
He still wants us to be a couple again after a few years. I see him here and there, but his character is not changing at all.
Do you think it's a good idea to come back to him after a few years?
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Comments (133)
Saying that facebook ruined your relationship is both stupid and naive. His trust issues is what ruined it and no, you shouldn't go back with him cuse the same thing will happen. Its never good to stay together just for the kid either.... Would you want your kid growing up in a home where the parents are constantly fighting? "Over protectiveness" is just a nice way of saying "controlling asshole".
I was gonna comment, "Gotta love technology. No pun intended". Then I read the post. Facebook did not cause your divorce, your husband did. Sounds to me like it's for the better. Would you want your daughter thinking this is how men are supposed to treat her just because that's how they treat you? Do not go back to his jealous, controlling ass. Women have made great strides in the last century, and can be more than cooking, cleaning, pieces of meat. We don't have to let our careers nor friendsips be sabotaged by anyone, least of all asswipes like that.
No, I don't think you should go back! It's hard enough to break away once. People don't really ever change. I think blackmailing your boss is reason enough (besides all the others) as to why you shouldn't go back. There is some nice guy out there somewhere, I hope! Good luck.
Facebook didn't destroy your marriage. Your husband did that all on his own.
Seriously... you're thinking about letting someone who tried to destroy your career and reputation over you having a facebook account come back into your life?
Sucks that you apparently can't live on your own... but letting this guy wander in and out of your life and allowing this unstable household is really irresponsible for a parent.Why bother with the expensive process of divorce if you had to agree to get back together anyways?
That is just plain batshit crazy.
Is anyone going to comment on the fact that making a fake facebook is both pointless and kind of ridiculous? Or is that just my own observation? I don't condone what the husband did- don't get me wrong- but it's like it's entirely his fault that the marriage failed. The facebook account seems like a rather ignorant move in my mind.
Facebook didn't CAUSE your divorce. You're only trying to blame something you think you have no control over. YOU and your EX HUSBAND caused your divorce. A lack of communication caused your divorce. Don't blame a social networking site for both of your mistakes.
What it sounds like is that you married the wrong kind of man, based on his reaction, and you're not ready to take responsibility.
No, don't come back to him. Honestly, it was so unnecessary of him to do all those things plus, if you get back together with him, your child might have a father but it doesn't guarantee happiness in your family.
I don't know what kind of things you put on this fake Facebook account, but if it was inappropriate then you can't really blame your ex-husband for being upset about it. Whatever was on it, Facebook clearly did not cause your divorce. If your ex-husband was having jealousy issues because you were more successful than him, then that probably ruined your marriage. Also, if you were being inappropriate on Facebook with other men, then that probably played a role in your divorce too. However, in that case, Facebook didn't do anything; you did. If that's the case, then YOUR BEHAVIOR on FB ruined your marriage. Period.
See how you feel in a couple of years. It's a long time.
But you should do whatever's right for you. Being in a relationship that makes you sad a lot is worse than simply being separated from your husband.I wouldn't give the guy another chance. Sounds like his behaviour is not a quick fix. He needs to see a shrink. As for facebook causing your divorce, it may have helped with the insecurities and lack of communication etc. I certainly know a few relationships where they're on the rocks due to facebook addictions =p.
@Chronicles_Of_The_Aquatic_Poet@xanga - I completely agree. My main question would be what sort of things were going on with this "fake" Facebook account. Also, we are only hearing her side, and she is making it sound like she was not at fault at all. I wouldn't be surprised if the husband denied all of the things she is claiming he did.
Not gonna be rude but Ill be honest. I wouldnt trust my husband really if he made a "fake facebook" for any purpose, i know he wouldnt and nor would I. If your in a happy relationship/ maririage or whatever you wouldnt of went behind his back and done that. Look at it from his or our point what if he made a fake facebook and was talking to woman? if you loved him so much you would've never done such. so do not blame him or a social networking site for your sneakyness.
if he can do these kind of things over a fake account on facebook, i dont think he will be a good influence on your daughter.
dont go back.
you&your daughter can do better without him!
good luck!
The fact that you had a "fake Facebook account" seems a bit shady and the things your husband did make him seem psycho. If he went as far as black-mailing your boss he obviously has issues. I can understand that you want your daughter to have her father in her life, but if he is that controlling maybe it's best for you to stay separated.
But why would you go through the process of a divorce if you just agree to get back together in a few years? That seems really confusing. My advice is to stay apart for now and focus on your child. You never know how you'll feel over the course of time.
If your husband at any point showed concern about this fake account, you should have considered deleting it. If he didn't, then yes it was uncalled for for him to do those things, but that doesn't mean Facebook caused your divorce. It means your husband has security and trust issues. If he hasn't changed since your divorce, and hasn't acknowledged what the problems were that caused your divorce (?) then no, I don't think you should get back together with him.
I made a fake myspace account one time. "To me, the account was made for fun and more of a joke".
Yeah, I was about 13. How old are you??
sounds like there were plenty of other problems (before the facebook account fight) that were the true cause of the divorce.
and no, don't go back to him. nothing about that relationship sounds healthy.
I think it's really dumb to get divorced and plan on getting back together. There's a reason people get divorced, you know? Meaning it didn't work out and most times, it wouldn't work out if you got back together later either.
an affair doesn't necessarily have to be physical sex. cheating can be emotional without physical contact, so your husband probably felt that you emotionally betrayed him, thus in his view, it is cheating or having an affair, because you had this secret fake account on the down low and bullshitted around or flirted with other men. you didn't see it as a big deal, but the point is that you kept it a secret. he was jealous and reacted harshly, but if I felt betrayed, I can't say that I wouldn't do irrational things:P I don't know the entire situation or his side of the story, so I can't say who is right or wrong, but both have some accountability.
I don't think so. He's too controlling. If you really want this to work, you may want to go to a marriage counselor
Um, maybe you should grow up and not go around making a fake Facebook account in the first place? A website is not responsible for your divorce.
your husband knows about your facebook, but what I meant by secret was more of how you kept your name a secret and did you put your marriage status on that account and why did you have to make a fake account to talk to these other friends? was this fake account vengeance against him for trying to sabotage your career? I'm not accusing you, just want to get more details:D
No. Don't be a so needy. You don't need a person like that influencing you or your daughters life. That would just be irresponsible. What sort of grown man does that to your business? Good god woman, get your head put together.