Tuesday, 22 March 2011
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How Do I Move On?
I'm in this odd situation, and I UNDERSTAND what's going on, but my mind and emotions just won't agree. For about two months now I've been sort of seeing this guy, we'll call him Bob. We met one night when he was helping a friend of mine move some furniture around.
He's actually a friend of her coworker who wanted to get with her, so Bob was also kind of there to act as a wingman. Before I met him, I heard he was a bit older and had a kid, which turned me off, but then I actually met him and he was really cute. The conversation was easy, and the four of us all were pretty comfortable.
I found out the next day that the feeling was mutual and that he wanted to hook up with me.So we all hung out again and exchanged numbers. I found out that he was pretty much an arrogant jack-ass, but I was only interested in physicality, so I didn't really mind.
Curious, I waited for him to text me, and didn't hear anything for almost a week. Then one day he started texting me about nothing, and later that night, bluntly asked me if I wanted to hook up sometime. I was hesitant, but went over to his house and had a lot of fun.
We had really good chemistry and could talk really easily. We did as much talking as anything else. For a few days we were texting a lot, doing a lot of flirting and what not. That weekend, I slept with him, consequentially giving up my V-Card.
So over the next few weeks, the texting conversations were sporadic and unpredictable. I've seen him several more times and have had a lot of fun with him when I do see him. I KNOW that this is mostly just about the hook-up, but I can't stop myself from liking him in some way.
I know that there's no future here just because we're at such different points in our life, but I just can't seem to get him off my brain. I'm sure that the V-Card thing has a lot to do with my attachment to him. I know myself, and I can be obsessive about things, and this could very easily become one of them.
I have analyzed it and I am aware of the true situation here - we're both in it primarily for sex, with the added bonus of some respect and good conversation. Logically, I understand this. Emotionally, I am completely lost.
What should I do to get past this?
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- From: Strange_July
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Comments (27)
Cut him out, delete him from everything. Move on, do whatever you can to not talk to him. I've been in this position before and it NEVER works out in our favor.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Agreed
Um, do not contact him anymore. I think you're just really attracted to him so while there's no deep connections, get him out of your life. You said he's a jackass.. that's self-explanatory enough for me.
Let yourself grieve..and know that this relationship was not meant to be. You will not win him over by any further contact. Do not contact him at all ..ever. Move on with your life learning something from this situation. Know that there are others out there that you will have chemistry with and there are others who will not take advantage of you..even if you are willing.
The School of Hard Knocks does not have an easy curriculum, but if you learn from the situation..then all is not lost. Keep your head up, chin held high and move forward..don't look back.
There is much joy ahead of you and this guy won't bring any further joy to you. Ignore any further texts or communication from this guy. Don't take his calls. Move on.
Good luck to you.. There is a lesson here..and many of us have had similar experiences. :)
Christy
just drop it. that sucks and is too bad but o well. give yourself time to heal, nothing but disapointment there.
you might not want to immediately-- but its a good idea. and honestly, considering the circumstances, id prefer being the dumper by far:/
I'm sorry you gave your virginity to someone who doesn't care about you at all. That being said, don't let him have you over and over again. It's dumb. Cut him out of your life.
it's unfortunate that this guy was your first, but there's not much you can do about it now other than forget about him. Find other people to hang out with. Don't just mindlessly hook up with anyone, that won't really help in the long-run, believe me. Don't talk to him anymore, you don't need him in your life.
stop talking to him. delete his number from your phone, etc. hang out with/call your friends instead. those feelings will fade as long as you don't keep re-opening the wound.
I think you might've broken the bootycall rule of talking to him too much. you're not suppose to have good conversation or potentially have an emotional connection with him with constant communication because that's reserved for a relationship lol if you know that you're the type, who can't completely objectify the other person, then hookups aren't ideal and just going to be drama. I think he just told you what you wanted to hear and played along with the texting to get you to think that he likes you, but he just wanted to charm you into hooking up, which worked. now that you realize that you'll get attached, don't hookup anymore and cease all contact. lesson learned.
yes, move on girlfriend.
i get myself into these type of situations all the time...never ends well. :/ I suggest you move on and stop hooking up with him otherwise you might get your heart broken.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Yes, I completely agree with that.
OP:
Cut him out of your life, delete his number and stop talking to him. Eventually you'll get over him but it shall take time. Know that this wasn't meant to be.
Why? Why why why?
What everyone else is saying, I suppose. Get rid of him and learn to live with your mistake.
In my experiences, I've learned that it's not the first person who you lose it to who is important.
It's the last person who you'll eventually be with who matters most.
Dont hook up. Your emotions cant handle it. I made a mistake with a mutual friend who wanted sex from me, and still have problems letting go sometimes. Learn from it and dont make the same mistake again with someone you know is just using you for sex.
Hanging on won't do you any good (as you logically understand), but if it's any consolation, leave giving up your v-card with a few good memories while they're there, dragging it on won't do anyone any good.
Nobody ever forgets their first time. that's all.
Stop hooking up with him.
You really shouldnt have given up your Vcard so easily. Especially when you were aware of the situation. You know what you should do, and thats cut him out of your life. Why waste time with someone who only wants that ONE thing from you. And you're right, you do have some attachment to him, but when he meets someone else you'll be hurt more than it would hurt tearing yourself away from him.
@KickDrumHeart - @vicdaily@xanga - Oh, get over yourselves, she wanted to have sex with him, and losing your virginity shouldn't be such a big deal or "saved" for that "special someone" ...don't let religion or social construct fool you.
@Lola - It's kind of a big deal to her, since her emotions are involved. Some people like to have sex just to have sex, fine. But for a lot of people, sex creates an emotional attachment. I've been in her position, so I get it. Maybe virginity isn't a big deal to you, but it's obvious something for her, whether she meant it to be or not.
i'm not going to scold you. but realize that you need to be smarter next time. this guy was pretty clear with his expectations and he never asked you to be his girlfriend. i'm sorry you lost your v-card to him i am sure that is why it is hard to let go. but realize that you found out that you aren't the type to just hook up and be fine. but like everyone said, just cut off contact for a while. you will feel better.
@Lola - why are you so rude? just because some people want to wait i don't see that as a bad thing. most people i know that wait don't do it for religion reasons at all! they just don't want to deal with stds, pregnancy scares, emotions. it isn't a bad thing they are just being responsible. it's a personal choice and whatever people do it is their decision.
Dude's just in it for the sex. Trust me. If you have any sort of feelings, seriously... just run.