Monday, 21 March 2011
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I think I'm Bisexual But...
This user wishes to remain anonymous.I've been battling my sexuality for years [since I was 12] and I came to the conclusion that I'm bisexual, not even just bi-curious, my senior year of high school. I'm attracted to both girls and boys physically as well as mentally.
I always wanted to be in a relationship with a girl at least once in my life, or at least get a dose of some experimentation. However, now that I'm in college (First year) I've also been in a relationship (for the last 10 months) with the most perfect guy I can imagine myself being with. I know 10 months might not be enough time to tell, but I really love him so much.
The only problem is sometimes I think one day I'll regret (or maybe I'm already starting to regret it) that I never got to experiment being with another girl because I am so curious about it. I'd feel like I'll never get to explore myself completely if I don't.
We've already talked about me experimenting even though we're still together, and even though he says he'd let me, I know he's extremely uncomfortable with it. I don't want to do anything that makes him uncomfortable and I also just don't want to feel like I'm cheating him in anyway.
I just want to know how I can make this curiosity go away without jeopardizing my relationship, but any advice would really help.Has anyone else been in this situation? Am I really going to grow out of my bisexual phase when I've been trying to grow out of it/push it away since middle school?
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Comments (59)
Bisexuality is not a phase, so you're not going to grow out of it. No matter what sex your partner is, you'll still ALWAYS be bisexual.
I've never had a streak of bisexuality, but I kind of know how you feel. With my first ever serious boyfriend, I always wondered what sex would be like with other people, since he had been my one and only. I ended up cheating on him. That curiosity will always be there if you don't fulfill it. I'm very happy with my current bf, now that I know that sex with other people isn't everything it's made out to be. If you really must know, break up with your guy and be single for awhile, but he may not be waiting around until you're done "experimenting".
Everyone's sexuality is very unique. Most people don't grow out of sexuality but I'm not going to jump the gun and say some don't. Given how long you've felt this way I'm going to say you'll probably always be bisexual. Just because you haven't been with a girl doesn't mean you have to. You like/love who you want to. If at the moment it's this boy, don't sweat it.
I consider myself somewhat asexual. I'm not really attracted to anyone. Very, very rarely do I experience attraction. It tends to be women I get attracted to yet I only see myself being with men. (I know, strange.) I do have a sex drive and I'd actually consider it a pretty normal one; I just don't feel sexually attracted to many people. I am in a relationship with a guy and I am attracted to him, so my world is good right now.
you've gotta ask yourself what you'd
regret more. jeopardizing your current relationship, or not getting to
explore. if i were in your position, i'd try my best with the guy, and
if things don't work out, then i'd go explore my curiosity. but that
doesn't mean you should purposely jeopardize your current relationship
just so you can fill that curiosity. nothing is for certain, just let
things play out and see where it goes.
i believe sexuality is fluid.
*sigh* If you're looking over your shoulder maybe you should take a break or something. Its not fair to him....
@xxSHhHxxBExxQUiETxx@xanga - Sho', I did. I thought I was, but only for the sex not the relationship. My actions spoke louder than my words and I just couldn't do it. I got grossed out. I love men more, so I am hetero. I think it was a phase.
@Japanesenightpurplegeisha@xanga - It's not a phase, you were CONFUSED. There's a difference. Someone who is DEFINITELY bisexual, STAYS bisexual.
I think you shouldn't be allowed to experiment within a relationship just because the other person is a girl. Your boyfriend doesn't get that now, but if you're attracted physically and mentally to someone else, it's a problem. The other person could be an alien and it would still not be okay. If you're THAT curious, then your boyfriend isn't right for you or you aren't trying hard enough to stay monogamous or you aren't mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Break up, have your fun, and then settle down. Or just grow up.
I've been momentarily bicurious ever since I saw these wondrous sex toys for lesbians
but I'm straight and don't really fantasize about women nor am I attracted to any woman in particular. vaginas don't turn me on enough to do anything sexual with another woman. I think it was just a 2 minute daydream
how about a threesome? why dont you and he invite another girl in the mix. most guys wish their girls would fulfill this one fantasy for them.
then he can be there with you and you can check out the other side of... the bush? i dunno. haha.that makes sense to me. and as others said, if you are bi, you are bi.
goes for anyone. i like guys and just cuz im with someone, doesnt mean im going to stop finding other guys attractive. its a part of being human.
@Beb3Lika@xanga - THIS.
You could phase out of your bisexuality, I suppose, but I never have. I am just as bisexual now as I was 2 years ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago. Please don't try to force yourself out of being bisexual, though. Speaking from personal experience, that will cause you more emotional and mental trauma than you can possibly imagine.
There's nothing that says there's a cutoff age or time for experimenting with women, so don't feel like if you don't do it now you never will. It sounds like you're not comfortable with experimenting right now, anyway, since your current relationship is so good. But if you feel you have to do it NOW, maybe you should break up with your boyfriend since he's not comfortable with it at this point and neither are you. Just be warned he might not wait around for you. So is the experimenting worth the loss of a relationship?
If you would like to talk about this some more, please feel free to message me. I've been where you are now and I'll do my best to help.
Cheating is cheating.
If you love him, then don't wander to anyone - girl or boy. If it doesn't work out, or if you are doubting that he is worth it to you, then take a break (or break up) and then mess around. But before then....that's not fair to him is it?
In a way I know what you're going through. I chose my relationship. If you are feeling unhappy because you've never experienced any sort of physical interaction with another girl then I think you should really think about this seriously.
I consider myself curious. I've been attracted to girls before, but I'm currently in a relationship with a guy. He's actually more than okay with my curiosity but I'm the one who doesn't feel comfortable experimenting. I've kissed a few girls before but never much more than that. I just choose to stick with my BF because I'm not going to go out experimenting when I know that I would feel weird about him doing the same thing (if that makes any sense.)
I don't think you'll grow out of your sexual orientation, that's just not how it works. I wouldn't jeopardize something that's a good thing, but that's me. Everyone is different. You just have to decide what's more important to you right now. You should keep in mind that it could really go either way. you could stay with your bf and it could be great, or it could be bad. You could experiment and realize that it wasn't worth it, or maybe it would be. There's really no way for any of us to tell you how it's going to go. You just have to make the best possible decision for yourself.
This happened to me as well, but reversed. I was in a relationship with a woman, in college, and I wanted to experiment with a man. We came up with a solution to fit our situation however it might not work for you and your boyfriend. We tried swinging. The straight couple was committed, we were committed, thus there were no threats of emotional involvement. The experience went really well. Both couples have to be emotionally strong and ready. I would not have grown out of my "bisexual phase", as I believe sexuality is fluid. Good luck.
Threesome or break up. Clearly, this is something you really want to explore and you should...but don't do it if you're in a relationship, that's just not fair to him.
Bicurious is different than bisexual, if you're attracted to them in both ways, then you're probably bisexual for life. It's a good thing really. at least you don't have to anticipate the "I'm not attracted to them anymore" point
The curiosity does not go away, and that's okay. A committed relationship is a committed relationship. I married my husband three years ago, and I still wonder what it would be like if I was with a woman instead. I have no regrets for my choices, and even if I was curious, I would never act on it because my decision was the best one I could have made. Just make sure you've made the best decision you can make, and that's all you can do.
Your man's looking at it completely wrong. He should definitely be trying to work the angle of a second woman in his bed. What an idiot.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - If he told her he was fine with her experimenting, then it technically isn't cheating, since cheating by definition requires the significant other to be disapproving of it.
honestly, you can't. the best way would be to talk about it with him and have him come along with you on your little hook-up (if he's comfortable enough with that). in essence, he needs to be comfortable with it. if it's only going to be experimentation, that may be more comforting.
If you 'experiment' with other women while you're still with your boyfriend, and you are aware he is uncomfortable with it, then you are selfish.
Either get a threesome, or break up and experiment.
i'm bisexual too. and u need to understand. u being bisexual is not a phase, is how u r. and if u do anything with a girl, IT IS CHEATING! just bc its a girl doesnt make it right. its cheating with a boy, girl, whatever u want, its still cheating