Sunday, 20 March 2011
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First Date Etiquette - A Man's View
"Chivalry is dead."It's a common phrase these days. The truth is that chivalry isn't dead, it's just comatose. It's in a vegetative state, and it's probably not going to get any better; if you want, we can keep it alive, or we can just pull the plug and move on. Just let us know.
We men do things on dates that we absolutely wouldn't do in a normal setting. We might not be riding to your rescue on valiant steeds, but we sure as hell are holding in enough farts to give ourselves a mean stomach ache. Here's a few things I do on a date (I should clarify, before my girlfriend comments and lets the world know I don't do any of these things - a FIRST date) that differ from my normal self.Opening the Door - You can tell a lot about a guy by how he opens the door when with only one other person, especially on a date. Here are the categories...
Opens door and holds it for person - Considerate, nice, thoughtful. Combed hair. Vanilla.
Opens door and walks in, without holding - Either a douchebag or careless; more than likely, both. Probably has a few good raunchy jokes up his sleeve. Tips poorly.
Opens and steps in, then holds, so the person has to slide in sideways, uncomfortably brushing against you - Slightly better than the last one; probably just a bit confused, nervous, or new at this. Awkward. Involves a sock in his masturbation escapades.
Flings door open gracefully so that, if the person behind continues at their normal pace, the door will never touch them - Highly skilled, possibly CIA-trained. Exciting, ballsy. Enjoys a straight drink.
I'm normally a door-flinger. On first dates, I'm a open-and-holder.
Choice of Food - Let's put it this way - there's only one time I will ever order a caesar salad. If I'm currently in good shape, she'll believe that I'm staying that way. If I'm not, she'll think I'm working on it. Little does she know I slipped the waitress a $20 to put a dozen hot wings in the back seat of my car.
Another reason for the salad choice - the meat sweats. Any honest man will sweat when he puts down a half pound of red meat. Hell, most of us get an erection from it, too, and that's also a no-no on first dates.
Speed of Consumption - As a kid, my favorite animal was always the Cheetah. Cheetahs will start eating their prey almost instantly after they kill it, because they're not that big and if they dilly-dally, a bigger predator (lions, a pack of hyenas, etc.) will come by and steal it.
That's how I eat.
I inhale my food and have the heartburn to prove it. If I ate normally on a first date, not only would there be a 40% chance that the girl would get up and run away, but I would finish about a half hour before her and be left twiddling my fingers, unable to do the nod-chew-smile routine. Drinking is no different; toss down one too many glasses of wine and then I'm asking if she's going to finish her fries. Game over - back to the Asian porn.
Call it chivalry, call it deceit, but whatever it is, we're trying. How about some appreciation on your side? You wanna vote, you wanna wear unflattering suit-pants, and you still want us to pull out your chair?
Get with the times, ladies.
Do the lucky guys that get to take you to Applebee's still hold the door? Or are you more of a Ruby Tuesday's kinda girl?
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- From: jackieboy
- Name: jackieboy
- Location: New York City, New York, United States
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Comments (68)
I'm more of a "my boyfriend isn't a douche bag and does these things even when not on a date" kind of girl. But, thats just me.
Chivalry doesn't have to be extravagent for me - it's really more being polite and considerate. :D
But this does make me think of Torchwood. "Let me get this straight: you want equality AND chivalry?" "I don't think they're mutually exclusive."
I love it when guys open doors for me, I think it's so sweet. But sometimes when I'm on a date with a guy, he won't be walking fast enough or decisive enough to know where we're going that I'm often the one opening the door. Maybe that's my bad, that I should be allowing them to do it, but I'm not going to just stand there waiting til he gets there to open the door for me, that just seems a little too extreme. So I know a date is good if the guy is really leading the date therefore always at the door before me.
I hold the door open. I also pay for the meal if I asked her out to dinner. I give her my coat when it's chilly and she's shivering.
@laytexduckie@xanga - Should've brought her own coat.
As for chivalry, put the plug. It's dead and it's gone, and there's not much we can do to bring it back.
I always hold the door open for whoever is behind me. Most of my guy friends would always hold the door open, so I would probably expect my boyfriend to do the same. I'd feel weird if he ordered a Caesar salad, though. I'd be uncomfortable scarfing down my gigantic cheeseburger or taco.
@TheFifthHero@xanga - I especially love it when a girl I take out would scarf down a burger with me.
I don't believe chivalry is dead... And in no way does that demean women either. It's polite and courteous. Now, if the girl wants to pay for the meal then she can do it. It's just dating gender roles... of course it depends on your taste and what you like, so find someone who will treat you equal and will respect you or someone what will be sweet and romantic that still believes a gentleman is a "gentle" man ... I went out on a small casual date a few weeks ago... and he opened the door (a lil nervous -if you will), paid for dinner and we talked after we left the restaurant outside. It was chilly outside and I had a sweater but not warm enough for the drop of 10 degrees with the wind... he gave me his jacket... I told him not to or that he didn't have to... (both) and he said he wanted to and insisted so I accepted...
I am a girl willing to pay for my share, both shares, or even allow them to be chivalrous... either one makes me happy... I accept and don't complain about it... I love it when men are or pretend to be... which ever...
I never hold the door open for anyone anymore (often do the fling thing though). My two best guy friends will open and hold every time. So I pretty much always get the doors held for me :) I prefer a guy who is completely himself on a first date so I know what I'm seeing is what I'll potentially have to be with/get to be with for many years down the road.
My boyfriend usually opens doors for me. It depends on if I'm a few steps ahead of him or not though. I used to run ahead of him to open it just because I know it bugged him. He's always very chivalrous. I'm also glad he eats like there's no tomorrow or else I'd feel awkward with the amount of hamburgers I eat in a week haha.
i like it when guys are chivalrous. its great. makes me smile. i appreciate it.
though he better eat more than a salad. and eat however he wants.i know ill be ordering a larger meal than some leafs and croutons. pfffft. will make me look bad if the guys eating hardly anything and im eating my steak and potatoes.I never knew guys did the salad thing...When I'm on a date, I try to order something medium sized...and stay away from salad. I don't want them thinking I have body image issues, am perpetually on a diet, or am afraid to eat. (If I REALLY like the guy, though, I prefer the first date not involve food. Then, if I'm too nervous to be properly hungry, I don't have to feel embarrassed.)
Maybe it's just me, but whenever the guy opens the door for me, I get even more nervous =/
@pinktiger335@xanga - agreed
He can open the door for me if he wants, but if I reach the door first, I’m going to hold the door open for him... and maybe the people after him. I once dated a guy who would open the car door for me... but only if there were other people around. That ended quickly. He was also the guy who would always order a garden salad when I would order... well, not salads. I am also the kind of chick who likes to alternate who pays for meals/dates. I work too, so it just doesn’t seem fair that the guy should pay for everything.
just act like he normally would. if he normally doesn't care to open doors for females and males or strangers in general, then don't go out of his way to open it for me on the first date, but neglect to continue this kindness. so later I won't be surprised when I see him waltzing through the door and slamming it in someone's face, who was walking behind him. order his usual favorite foods on the menu. just don't put on a show. be himself, even if he is a slob lol I won't go on a second date with him, but there is another slob equivalent that won't notice his lack of manners because they are also rude slobs lol
I always open and hold, however the dreaded double set of doors really sucks, because a guy can't possibly beat her to both without being awkward about it. I always order what I would normally order if I was going out, because eventually she will learn my eating habits. But I do avoid onions and garlic and other things that have an unpleasant aroma. I am also a fast eater, but I pace myself so that we finish at relatively the same time.
@EccentricSiren@xanga - you don't know about the salad thing because guys don't do the salad thing.
chivalry ain't dead; just most people complain it is, and proceed to be rude in their ways. i'd say that's more of an individual character flaw than any sort of generalization about either gender. so if i hold the door open for you, wear pant suits and pay for dinner, just say thanks and eat your steak. most women would do the same.
I find it funny when my bf rushes to the door as I'm reaching to open it. If I touch the knob he'll push my hand away and open the door for me. love it.
I think you should generalize more.
Honestly, I think these are things people should do for each other, anyway. I always hold the door for people walking in behind me. And as far as my husband, it usually works out that we go some place that has an outer door and an inner door. Generally, he holds the outer door for me, and I hold the inner door for him. It's always impressive when guys do these things for women, but men don't have to be the only ones being chivalrous.
And no, you don't have to pull out my chair. I'm perfectly capable of doing so myself, and the couple times my husband tried it, I ended up awkwardly tripping over myself as he slid me toward the table. So I'll get my own chair, thanks, though I appreciate the thought.
Doors, though...that's just being polite.
@UnconventionalButterfly@xanga - Lol. I was thinking the same.. If I'm going to be attracted to something good that they do, I would hope it's something that they would genuinely do unconditionally..
Chivalry isn't dead, it's just on steroids.
@TheFifthHero@xanga - @laytexduckie@xanga - i like it better when a girl orders a normal meal (i.e. not a salad) and then doesn't finish it...that way i can finish it for her, and impress her with the amount of food i can eat in the process.
plus, if she wants to go out a second time after that, she's definitely a winner. killing not two, but THREE birds with one stone. booyah.