In December, I worked an event with a girl who was dating some guy that didn't have a car, so she had to drive him everywhere. In January or so, they got engaged....
A few weeks ago, I met a guy (Shawn) that I had gone to school with, but had never talked to. We met on a dating site, hung out at a bar where he was playing open mic night. That Friday, I went to his 23rd birthday party. While I was there, he introduced me to another girl that I figured was just a friend of his. Turns out he had met her on a different dating site, & had invited her there as well so he could hang out with both of us.
He kissed me, than went home where she was staying the weekend with him. She has a 3 year old daughter that she had left with her parents, so that she could go spend the weekend at some guy's house that she had only met twice.
He & I keep talking, & hang out at his house with a friend of ours & his gf. I thought everything went well. For the next week or so, we texted back & forth a little bit, trying to make plans to hang out. On St. Patrick's Day, he & I were supposed to go to a bar & hang out, but instead he went with one of his friends, & the girl that was supposed to be engaged (A). He told me how much fun he had with her, not even caring that her & I were supposed friends. She doesn't care either.
Now, back to his bday party. While I was there, he introduced me to his friends. One of which (Joe) added me on Facebook. He & I started talking. He wants a relationship, but I was just talking to him. Long story short, I'm kind of starting to like this guy more. It helps that he has his life figured out more than Shawn does.
They both did drugs (coke, ecstasy, pot). But Shawn's been clean only for about 6 months & Joe's been clean for 4 years now. Shawn currently has no license, has no definite plans of going to college, & has dreams of being in the music industry, & thinks that playing in bars in Springfield will get him somewhere. Joe told me that he & Shawn aren't even really friends anymore since they lived together, & Shawn stole things from him. I believe it because Shawn has several theft charges on his record.
On St. Patrick's Day, while Shawn was out with his friends, I hung out with my friend, his gf & Joe, who came to see me after he got off work. He hates bars & I know he had to be tired, but he still came & hung out with me anyway because he wanted to see me. He didn't fit in at all with the rest of the bar crowd.
It was pretty much a redneck bar & he's Asian. There were people drunkenly singing karaoke & dancing on the bar. Old guys wearing cowboy hats & hitting on any young girl they could find. I had some guy ask me to help him call 'Jimmy' to pick him up & he told me how he liked my nice shirt & how he 'wouldn't be able to wear it because it would probably annoy him.' Joe just sat there with me, putting his arm around me every time some guy started staring.
When he took me back to my house at 2 in the morning, he asked if we could just sit in my driveway & talk. He told me that he's looking for a relationship & wants to settle down & have kids.
His longest relationship is 7 years, while mine is about 7 months. I can't even drive yet, but he doesn't care.
He's a nice guy, which I don't usually go for, so I'm worried that if he & I do start dating, that my feelings will change. My mom already likes him, & she hasn't even met him yet. She's already telling me to hang out with him more, and to ignore Shawn completely.
So my question is,
should I even bother telling Shawn that I've been hanging out with & talking to Joe? Or should I just leave things be & let things go as they are?
Recommend
Comments (65)
I'd mention it in passing...just for him to get the hint that you're not interested anymore. This Joe guy sounds really nice :] You should go for it!
@PennyLumpkins@xanga - not necessarily. I can't drive, and I'm 20. I tried learning, but when my dad was teaching me (aka I was driving his car), I nearly hit a guy (NOT my fault, HE RAN THE RED LIGHT) and I'm deathly afraid of driving. My bf tried teaching me when he had a car (his car broke down and he was car-less for a few months, but he recently acquired a new one, the only thing left is getting it on the road--registration, inspection, insurance, etc) but I was still scared. Also, my dad didn't learn to drive until like maybe 7 years ago, because he had no need of a car or knowing how to drive until about 7 years ago.
I agree with you, the more important question IS how old the girl is, but just because she can't drive doesn't mean she's underage.
@PennyLumpkins@xanga - Her profile says 20.
No eProps fer yew!
I paid $40/hr for driving lessons and probably spent a couple hundred dollars when I was 18 and got my license the same month before I started college. the instructor had this small toyota corolla, so it was easier to navigate. I took my mother's ford for a spin one time, but I couldn't see past the hood of the car and it was scary when I sort of drove up a curb as I turned
but it was late at night and nobody was around to laugh at me. he took me to this driving course that had lots of up and downhills. it was fun
anyway, shawn seems inconsiderate and disrespectful, like he ditched you on the date to go with the other girl. I would forget about shawn and date joe.
i don't think it's necessary to tell Shawn. it's not like you guys are dating anyway, and if he had an interest in you, he wouldn't be bouncing off from girl to girl, or so it seems. let things be, and only bring it up if he asks.
I'm so confused over how the first sentence of this post has anything to do with the rest of the post. Actually, I'm totally confused over the entire post. Huh?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't really make a relevant comment unless I've got the facts straight:
1. There are two guys, Shawn and Joe. Neither are officially in a relationship with anybody.
2. You have flirted with both but no commitments have come out of it yet.
3. You like Joe better.
And you're asking if you're somehow obligated to tell Shawn that you're leaning towards Joe? I don't think it's any of Shawn's business unless he asks you out, in which case then the polite thing to do is to tell him you're not interested. But I don't think you're obligated to volunteer the information.
And how is the driving thing relevant to any of this???
@just_the_average_jane@xanga - LOL.
This whole post is so very pathetic.
Blah blah blah!
Relationship should just be between the two people, unless it's threesome.
@Ginger - Blah blah blah!
lol, that was funny.
Relationship should just be between the two people, unless it's threesome.
lolwut?
@just_the_average_jane@xanga - @x__mh@xanga - What I was thinking. This post needs tidying up into a coherent story, because to be honest there are a lot of details here (friend getting engaged?) that didn't add to the semi - developed story.
I read your other posts in your blog, and they are better written than this.... Possibly read back what you have written in future?
On the post itself, it doesn't matter you can do whatever you want, just don't be a dick to Shawn, avoid all drugs, and chill out because your not in anything serious and your completely responsible for your own decisions.
Although I question why Joe is telling you he wants to settle down and have kids. Your 20. 20. TWENTY. Twen's do not get married and have kids unless they have explored everything they are interested in. Get out and explore the world more. Enjoy yourself. Don't tie yourself down. You can do anything. ANYTHING.
This post made me giggle and reminded me of why I really don't miss my twenties. You don't owe Shawn anything. You are not dating him.
I'm utterly confused.
I'm...not sure I followed all of that. But to answer your question, forget Shawn and go with Joe. And I wouldn't bother telling Shawn. It honestly doesn't sound like he's as into you as he is the other girl. He isn't worth your time.
-Katie
meh don't bother with shawn he sounds like a dropkick
@just_the_average_jane@xanga - agreed
I can't be the only person who had to read this more than once to understand what the hell was going on.
But I'll reiterate what a lot of other people are saying: you aren't committed to Shawn, and he isn't close friends with Joe, so you really don't need to tell him anything. It's not his business.
So very confused. What does the engagement have anything to do with the rest of the story? I feel like the story could've been a paragraph long, and I'd get the same info out of it. Anyway, Shawn invited another girl from a dating site to his party... why should you have to tell him about Joe? Weird.
Shawn is an idiot. Joe sounds like a nice guy. Date him awhile.
And then remember that you are only 20 and you have some "living" to do, sweetheart.
I'm a mom....not your mom....but a mom just the same. I think you need to live a little, and grow a little, and live a little more before you settle down. There are lots and lots of fish in the sea...You are a lovely young lady....
Go fishing!
;)
Tell him! I have no logical reason why, but it would be fun to see if he gets pissed off
stopped reading after the first couple paragraphs because my brain started to hurt, sorry.
you're not in a relationship with shawn, and you want to tell him you like another guy, why??