It happens to almost everyone. Your S.O. walks away and leaves their phone near you, unattended. Curiosity, jealously, or that little voice in the back of your head that wonders at how much you trust your S.O. sparks up and you begin to "play" with your S.O.'s phone. Next thing you know, you're searching through their calls, texts, and e-mails. It happens.
I've been on both ends of this so I understand the drama than can ensue. In regards to the person who's checking the phone; if they find nothing, they are filled with both relief and an awkward shame at ever having mistrusted their partner. Conversely, if they do find something incriminating in the phone, they are filled with anger and self-righteousness.
The person whose phone is being searched is often embarrassed and feels their trust violated. Regardless of what was found in their phone, an invasion of privacy has occurred and it is often difficult to recover from that in a relationship.
Humans are curious creatures, so the temptation of a S.O.'s open Facebook page or discarded cell phone might lead us to go through these otherwise private things as a way of being sure that our partners are being loyal and faithful.
However, it is important to keep in mind that this act might change your relationship forever; either because of what you find in your S.O.'s phone, or because of how the trust has been altered by the simple act of searching.
Have you ever searched through your S.O.'s phone? Were there serious consequences?
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Comments (92)
I share a phone with my bf, so there are no issues and seeing as we hardly get any texts or calls...it's pretty much fine on our end. Though, if we did have separate phones again, I would not look at his phone unless I was given permission by him to do so.
This is a lesson I've learnt hard and well.
If you go looking for signs of cheating, you'll find something to get worked up about. And 9 times out of 10, it was innocent anyway.
I don't look through his phone. I don't want to get worked up and insecure about something stupid. Because I trust him enough to know he'd never cheat on me.
M
No I dont have a SO, I dont even know how to fully use a cell phone (I only can master putting a number in the phone)
i used to but he allowed me to look
No, I haven't.
If he left his FB page on I'd frape him though, ha!He asked me to answer a text once. it was to a female bartender I didn't know. Needless to say, I deleted that number for him, told him I did it, and said "You can have a problem with it if you want. I'm certain you understand why I have a problem with it". and that was that. Do I look through his phone? no. there's no need. but in that one case I feel I was justified with what I did.
My ex was hiding so much she slept with it in her hand. I was able to look through the guy's phone that she was cheating on me with tho and caught her!
My recent ex and I would use each other's cellphones and it was never a problem 'cause we trusted each other with this type of thing and I knew of all his friends so when he received a call/sms around me, he wouldn't mind showing it to me, not because he had to, because there just wasn't a problem with it. I did give him his privacy for a lot of things though and so did he .o.
I have done it but this was because he had cheated before, it has been 2 years and he hasn't cheated since :)
Rebecca
Pastel Accounting
no, would you like it if your S.O looked through your phone?
If I had a S.O and caught him looking through my phone, I think deep down I would be unhappy he didn't trust me.. so vice versa.
and @chadwilly@xanga - I would change the status of my S.O to something embarrassing and see how long it takes him to notice LOOL *high five*
He goes through my phone all the time, I really couldn't care less...I haven't felt the need to go through his, but I know that I'll be welcomed to it if I ever want to.
TRUST people!Neither of us really care about looking through each other's phone. What is the big deal right? If there's nothing to hide, then why can't he look through my phone?
I don't feel like, compelled to read his texts or anything. I trust him.
Sometimes I'll play on his phone though or look through his pictures for fun.
Sometimes he'll even have me read his texts aloud for him. I let him do the same.
We trust each other, it's not an issue.
Really, I generally don’t care. I only looked through an S.O.’s phone once. He was doing something, got a message, asked me to check what the message was... Found out he had been cheating on me. I don’t know if me meant for me to see it so I would dump him or he was just stupid. I tend to think a bit of both.
I've only played with an SO's phone before. I never went through the messages or calls. They haven't done the same to me either. I have nothing to hide because everything that happens, I tell them openly.
Is it a trust issue? Maybe. Is it a curiosity thing? Maybe. But to actively search through someone's phone can mean that there is lack of communication.
no, but in this day and age, most of the flirting that he does will probably be through a social network site like facebook. I wouldn't be surprised if he is flirting with other women, probably because it has happened so often that I expect it. that's why I'd rather date a guy, who is old school, and computer illiterate and doesn't have one of those smart phones. maybe that's why I'm attracted to older men, not that old though. some are vintage hippies.
yes! i found out one of my exes was cheating on me. but i only looked at it because he asked me to text someone from him and i saw in his inbox a girl named "sexy kitty." -_____-
then, another ex left his phone in my room overnight and i looked through it and found out his best friend set him up with a girl and asked if he could "borrow me" from my ex. i always find keepers.
so, by this point, im traumatized. i have to look through their phones. my current bf is a great guy but i look just in case and i've never found anything suspicious although i cringe when he texts girls, even tho he never says anything bad/not innocent
I never have. Maybe it's because I've cheated myself, and I know that people cheat for all sorts of reasons and sometimes, it's not worth confronting and wrecking a relationship over. That may not make sense to anyone who's not been in the situation, but some people out there will understand. Unless it's blatant, as in fucking up OUR relationship and doing some major long term damage, which I would be able to discern from other behavior, I don't want to know about every indiscretion.
I am not married, but I'm in a relationship. I have a long time friend who calls me regularly for phone sex. He is married. It's not a threat to my relationship, but my BF would NOT like it. If he saw the e-mails...well, it wouldn't be cool.
I wouldn't look through my boyfriend's phone and he wouldn't look through mine. He did leave me at his computer once and I looked through his pictures. He was aware that I was looking through them though. I'm a picture lover so I always go through the little pictures he has haha. As for phones, that's his business and my phone is my business. If I felt like something was up I would talk to him about it. It's always worked in the past haha. Not like our parents and grandparents were able to snoop through their SO's phones/computers to find incriminating things. They just learned their SO's body language and actions. I like to keep it like that haha :)
Eh, the only time i've taken an SO's phone was to play the fun games he had on there haha
I look through his phone all the time. It's not because I'm paranoid, I'm just nosy lol. It's never been an issue.
Right now, we share phones so yeah, I do. Even when I had a phone, I looked through his. He knows about it, so...yeah not really an issue, especially since I can't tell him not to look through my phone (when I had one and/or when I get one). Pretty much, we go through each other things, or at the very least are allowed to...whether we do or not, I'm sure, is whether we're interested in going through it.
I do when I can manage it. Though it doesn't really matter since he deletes all of his convos to save memory on his phone. So it's easier to just try and change his wallpaper than to probe using his phone XD
If I had a reason to look, I wouldn't hold back.
no. when you go through someone's shit ANYTHING will make you mad. seriously you're just looking for shit to fight about... and anything will work.